... a contest to see just how short you can make a story whilst getting the salient points in!
You can take more time, and expand the story.
by
Anonymous12/30/12
Tense changes are irritating
The story starts in past tense - which is fine - and then switches to present tense - which to me is damned annoying. At least it's not in second person!
That story is a cheap rip-off of a cheap porn script, nothing more. This is getting your rocks off, not romance. Romance needs some build up, some courtship, tentative characters, because they feel something more than a fling on the side. And the sex, well, equally porn scripty-kinda-thingy and extremely wham-bam-thank you mam.
This COULD qualify as a good chapter later in a story were both charachters are together for a while and have a steamy hot quicky in the bathroom.
by
Anonymous12/30/12
wow
that really could have been a great story but you rushed it so it wasnt that great.
English
This is not really ...
... a contest to see just how short you can make a story whilst getting the salient points in!
You can take more time, and expand the story.
Tense changes are irritating
The story starts in past tense - which is fine - and then switches to present tense - which to me is damned annoying. At least it's not in second person!
Romance? Seriously?
That story is a cheap rip-off of a cheap porn script, nothing more. This is getting your rocks off, not romance. Romance needs some build up, some courtship, tentative characters, because they feel something more than a fling on the side. And the sex, well, equally porn scripty-kinda-thingy and extremely wham-bam-thank you mam.
This COULD qualify as a good chapter later in a story were both charachters are together for a while and have a steamy hot quicky in the bathroom.
wow
that really could have been a great story but you rushed it so it wasnt that great.
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