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English
Come on...
The story has promise. You didn't give us anything to look forward too. I could only give you a 3.
I disagree
I like the fact that I'm not sure where this story is going. I'm in for the ride!
Better editing for typos and spelling would be a great idea...
But intriguing start...
Ugh
When you have no idea how military style reports should be written - DON'T try.
Stop over explaining. Why does the reader need to know directive 005/006? Why does that need to be repeated? "...this is the first of a new series of Earth Observation Report and is numbered 001. This will be a new series of reports from the planet Earth." Seriously?!
"This is Captain Zod of the SS Venus, Star Date 5936" Why? You told them who the character is at the beginning. "This is"?
Proper signature block:
Captain Zod
SS Venus
Star Date 5936
Things you are putting into a report are things that would go into a diary and not a report. Why would command care about a naked woman in a chair?
And that's not even dealing with the impossibility of using using rural ISP for international observation of air defense nets. Alter all you want but you are still dealing with the limitations of the net. That would require high speed DSL and you do not find that in such out of the way locations. That location wouldn't get 56k and satellite ISP is not that much better.
Don't stop trying, just stop trying so hard.
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