All Comments on 'A Pagan Connection'

This is a good read, far better than most, but I still only give it a 4/5.

The sex scene probably could have gone on longer, and the non-ending is something of a disappointment. Still, aside from some missing commas here and there, This was still far better-written than most on the site. Good work.

I liked your story, and I hope you won't take offence if I add four comments:

1. You're head jumping, moving from one point of view (POV) to the next in one scene. I know some authors do that to convey the emotions of all the characters in one scene. But is throws the reader for a loop. You can always use what your POV character sees in the actions of the others to express their feelings second hand. This leaves room for conflict because your POV character can interpret the actions incorrectly. 2. You go into detailed descriptions of actions and body parts, but sometimes loose the eroticism of the moment. As an example: "As his seed flooded deep into her receptive core he heard his involuntary grunts of physical need fulfilled punctuated by her sharp, staccato cries of affirmation as her rhythmic contractions squeezed his spurting shaft." This is very lyrical and poetic, but it takes the reader out the story and into the writer's mastery of the language. 3. Your title is "A pagan Connection" but use only the palm reading and Mike's question if she is a witch and Samantha's answer about Mike being a wizard. The author's last comment about their souls touching can also be seen as pagan spirituality. Pagans outside Hollywood don't use the term wizard for male witches. If you want to use Paganism in your erotica read "Rites of Pleasure: Sexuality in Wicca and NeoPaganism" by Jennifer Hunter. 4. Samantha mentioned to Mike that he has or will have three loves, Karen, his first and now Samantha. But who will be his true soulmate? Will there be a follow up story to conclude Mike's progress towards his true soulmate and his witchcraft?

Please don't be offended by my comments. I am also a writer and I know what it is to put one of your creations out there for the world to attack or love. You can use these comments or dismiss it with the contempt you deem necessary.

hoping that any follow up will provide for his second to have been a past love and now he has found his soulmate in sam. that would give more to the pagan lead up. if this is the way in which the story was to go the girls might also have the gift?