Mental Manipulations

I'm liking it can't wait to read what happens next.

Don't stop Now!

In the Next chapter we fine out what really happened......right? Please don't stop Now. The story is exactly what I'm looking for in this genere. Sex, mind control & fun.

Nice start

Nice start, but just a piece of advice. It may be a good idea to put people's thoughts in italics. It will help avoid confusion over what people are saying and what they are thinking without you having to explicitly state which each time. Good luck!

when is the next chapter

You had a great chapter here and setup a lot of possibility I hope you write another one soon.

nice start

Hey, thanks for your story, which has great potential. So please do continue it.

Nice

Hot scenario you've set up. I picked up the difference between ' for thoughts and " for speech, but you slipped up a couple of times. Italics may be good for thoughts as suggested.

I'm looking forward to him learning more and taking advantage of his power. Also what role the stepfords are going to play in his life. Can Roxy cope with a player that controls her and others' minds?

Good, continue

Nice story. I'm looking forward the next chapters

Good Start, some picky stuff.

Like the premis of the story, but little things bother me. Took you an awful long time to mention Kurt Jones' name. Could have been done when he met Roxy. He had no ties where he was living, but spent his entire life in Chicago. Married for 20 years but has a couple of grown children. Let's say they are collage age, how can a 45 yo divorced father of two, afford water front property? Spending time in hospital & having lots of test is expensive, Kurt must have really good insurance for sole proprietor. Despite the 'fantastic' nature of the story, it's unrealistic.

It's the accountant in me.

Still has potential. Looking forward to the conflict between the Pastor & Kurt.

Can't wait for seconds

Nice set up, nice length, did not rush into the sex, had an actual plot and plenty of story lines for Chapter 2 and beyond. Great job!!!

Great Start!

Nice start to a fun story. Anxious for the next several chapters. This is worthy of a solid 5 score.

Great Start!

Great Start and can't wait for more chapters. Keep'em comin

great story

Great story, hope to see more chapters soon.

Very well-done. I'm a sucker for MC stories for some reason, and this was one of the better ones. I like that the guy is a decent bloke, but I see hints of a darker side to this tale.

He really needs to push the envelope, imo. I would love to see some unintended consequences of his pushing ideas into these minds. For example, telling the doc that he'd like to see more legs and cleavage might seem rather innocent, but it gets the doc thinking about her appearance. So she starts showing a bit more skin. This gets her some good attention from folks, and that causes her to think about showing even more, dressing sexier, maybe even sluttier.... It's a spiral of behavior built on Pavlovian conditioning, and it all started with a very innocent comment from a mind-controller.

And nipple rings. I'm a sucker for nipple rings on an "innocent" chic and think the niece is due for a set..... preferably large ones that aren't easy to hide under a blouse.

Just my thoughts. I'm keen to see where you go with this story.

more mind reading please

i know you may have an artistic vision, but if you could include more mind reading so that the girls could more easily develop their own personalities i think it could get much more creative very easily. if you don't get to it in this storyline perhaps you could include it in the next one. please?

More, more, more!

This story only needs some more descriptions of the characters, but other than that it's pretty damn good. I would like to see him get into all the holes of the Indian doctor, the Pastor's wife, and the niece. I'm sure he can 'manipulate ' his way there!

A interesting start

I hope to see more soon.

Thanks for the read

when is part 2 coming?

Usually not a big fan of MC, but I absolutely loved your story, the subtle MC really did it for me, waiting impatiently for part 2!

So

When will he call the Indian Dr. and when will he go see the Preacher and his Wife.
Find out the Preacher turned the Power on. and Lied to the Cops and Drs.

Good Start

Thanks for the start of a good series. Looking forward to more soon. I am going to read some more of your stories now!!

Please keep writing :)

Good start

I thought it went a little too abruptly from "I'm your average good-hearted guy" to "GIVE ME ANAL" without any foreshadowing to that being something he'd enjoy.

Still, great set-up with a lot of promising characters.

More please!

Looking forward to the many angles this takes with the preachers wife, niece, dr, etc.

Feedback

As a first attempt at a mind control, I feel it was very good. The story flowed well enough, and was descriptive in the sex, without being too vulgar or boring. Sometimes writers can go into too much detail in the sex, but you seemed to have a grasp that light can be good. Mixing it up and throwing in heavier descriptions would not be bad either. Variety can be good, if you're careful. The story feels a little basic. Consider thing things you like in other mind control stories, and how you might like to see others write. Think about the things you enjoyed, and *why* they made a good story for your taste. I voted it a three, because it was a good story, but could use some growth. I would definitely like to encourage you to continue to write in this genre, as you're good, and the main character feels compelling. I'd like to see where else he goes, and what he wants to do with his gifts.

So where is Chapter 2?

As others have mentioned, this is a good start to a promising series.
Don't drop it now!!

Very nice start

As great as the sex scenes were, the set up was just as interesting. This is the mark of a great writer. But I certainly will not complain if the sex picks up even more! I have a feeling there are a number of hot young bodies ready to provide all the pleasure that they can.

Great first try

I enjoyed the story. Very well written and great concept. Looking forward to the next one