All Comments on 'College Camping Experience'

This is a really hot story.Good set-up and plot. The characters are believable enough. I sincerely hope you keep writing.

That said some of your conventions take away from it

"Molly's fingers felt like electric fire" The electric fire bit is a bit cliche. It would be better to tell us how molly felt about those fingers, rather than a shitty similie.

this part too

"I don't mind you looking. You have a beautiful body Ally. No need to be shy or embarrassed. We are all adult females here."

"I am sorry. I have never been naked or seen a naked woman before." Ally replied.

This dialogue was a bit over the top. We get it. Ally's nubile. but no one would say 'adult female' or the over qualified bit about being naked around naked people.

I look forward to part 3 (I hope). If this sort of criticism is unwelcome please say so in the story and I'll never post like this again.

I often wondered what the girls did on those weekend camping trips. It sounds like fun. No wonder us guys were never invited

If you are going to write erotica, at least get first base anatomy right. Vaginas are internal and never have hair. You meant vulva. Just because the error is so common is no reason to get it wrong here.