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"I" wasn't there!
Therefore your story is totally unbelievable crap!
1* because I can't award a negative one!!
Wow
You really should work on your writing skils. Writing in second person probably wasn't a good choice.
Crits
Yeah, this was the first time I tried to do a second person story, I wanted
To play with the idea. I felt that this sort of sexual experience, while pretty unlikely, needed to be felt from the point of view of the characters. I also probably got the categories wrong, in that this could have been more at home in the "forced" category. I wanted to feel it, I guess that I wasn't able to convey the depths of imagery that I had in my head. I'm working on that.
Feel free to keep the crits coming, I find them mostly constructive.
Ahem
They say every point of view deserves to be heard, so I'm going to put mine here. I totally disagree! I think the use of second person was insightful and hey, so what if it was slightly less personal, it's still an amazing piece of writing, and you still deserve the 5* s I gave it!! :) Just because I wasn't personally involved, doesn't make the story any less engaging; I still got to see into the comatose patients mind, and how self-absorbed do we have to be to not find that interesting?! shrug, perhaps I'm just spouting nonsense, but that's how it seemed to me. And I simply HAD to make my voice known after reading some of the (well... less polite) comments..
xxxxx
Great
Don't mind the nasayers who trippin about this story , it was well written. I love the conversation between you and her and she being in a coma wanting so much to say loved it. Can't wait to see what happens next.
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