This was very readable and reasonably believeable - but if you don't 'soft-pedal' a bit, you will lose most of that credibility. I know your story is set in a single week-end, but I feel you are trying to cram too much into too short a time-period.
You have to give your submissive, however willing she may be, time to become accustomed to being a full-time partner, if only for a week-end. Rome, as they say, was not built in a day; meaningful relationships - and, after all, that is what we are talking about here, not a quick and brutal flogging and f*cking - need time to mature and settle.
You write well - don't spoil a good start by rushing. Remember the one about the old bull and the young bull and the herd of heifers? Think about it.
Four stars, thanks and please bring us chapter two quickly!
English
Good.
This was very readable and reasonably believeable - but if you don't 'soft-pedal' a bit, you will lose most of that credibility. I know your story is set in a single week-end, but I feel you are trying to cram too much into too short a time-period.
You have to give your submissive, however willing she may be, time to become accustomed to being a full-time partner, if only for a week-end. Rome, as they say, was not built in a day; meaningful relationships - and, after all, that is what we are talking about here, not a quick and brutal flogging and f*cking - need time to mature and settle.
You write well - don't spoil a good start by rushing. Remember the one about the old bull and the young bull and the herd of heifers? Think about it.
Four stars, thanks and please bring us chapter two quickly!
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