All Comments on 'I Want to Know You'

by DepthsOfDuality

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  • 7 Comments
H.H.MorantH.H.Morantabout 11 years ago
Would have been a 4* but ....

...Slowly, bit by bit, Sam slid his cock into her, looking for her cherry. An obstruction, and he stopped."

And just where do you think the "cherry" (hymen) is located in the female human? At the entrance of the vagina - stupid mistake made by people who haven't been there, haven't done it (or were too drunk to tell what was going on if they have done it)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Heel!

Swiftly now, the next chapter.

DepthsOfDualityDepthsOfDualityabout 11 years agoAuthor
Crits

You're right, the wording of that was poor. I'm working on this whole writing thing and I tend to skip to the next important action in my head, which means steps can be missed in my writing. I'll endeavor to improve that.

To be honest, I don't know anyone whose first time wasn't a completely forgettable experience or clouded in booze and poor intentions. I wanted the challenge of trying to make it beautiful.

I hadn't considered a second chapter for this, but I think I'd like to see the characters flourish. Thanks guys!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
wording

I personally don't think you needed so much foul language. GD this, shit that. Would have been better without all that.

BritishAmatureBritishAmatureabout 11 years ago
Room for improvement.

There is loads of room for improvement. Ignore comments like H.H but he is right maybe some more research next time might make your story more realistic. But all in all keep writing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Formula

You followed the formula. She sucks him; he cums. He eats her; she cums. They have intercourse; they both cum at the same time. On their first time out. Really? Fantasy is good, but don't get carried away.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Fucking Rubbish

Written by a total wanker

Anonymous
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