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English
BUT WHAT DID SHE INDICATE
and her actions outweighed the words. TK U MLJ LV MV
Last verse rewritten
Nice idea, and reasonably erotic poem. Thanks !
but your choice of imagery and your rhythm needs some improvement especially in the last verse.
'She grabbed hold of my ass cheek' is a terribly clumsy line,
and 'into my pants' twice is a bit unimaginative.
and 'doing wonderful things doesn't scan quite right or sound right
A better last verse, I humbly suggest, would have been something like -
'Her hands had also
wandered,
one gently traced
down my spine
squeezed under
the elastic line,
and cupped a buttock,
where it pawsed.
The other led a soft
frontal assault
under and down
where her feather tips,
like little ants,
crept slowly
into my pants.
"Ohhhh....No, No", I smiled.
"Oh yes, yes",
she whispered.
O yes !!
----- we say ! Initial reluctance converted to full-fledged arousal as manly enthusiasm overcomes maidenly resistance !!
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