It Didn't Work Out

Good draft, but needs an edit

It's a good story, but it seems to repeat itself, with variations, in the middle. Why he stopped partying has two explanations. It's mentioned in two places that he's not a particularly caring lover, but his sexuall skills don't appear to be germane.

He admits to not caring too terribly much about his wife, and the not caring overmuch seems to come through in the rest of the story. His lack of passion about himself or his wife may be the reason I don't feel more for him or the other people he describes.

My stories

I try to write stories the way people seem to be. It isn't always black and white in relationships but seems to be a lot of gray area. I see more and more of this each day with all the differences of opinions.

I write strickly as an amature and for the entertainment value most of my readers receive. Not all stories have happy ending. I may consider furthering this story after the contest is over depending on what comes out of my head. haha

Thank you to all you read my stories, it's always much appreciated.
With Respect
DG Hear

You did your duty

This story sounds like reporting in a small town newspaper - road construction and detours or something. There is nothing erotic or even emotional about it. The only purpose seems to be man's man and solid citizen demonstrating to the world what must be done with a cheating wife.

Deserved each other

Drugged up, boozed up and fucked up. sickening.

it still amazes me that in this day and age with all the mixed races

some how having sex with a black man is so taboo. Oh my God she has sex with a black man. Did it really matter? I guess if she fucked a Mexican made he could get past it but a black guy is unforgivable. I don't see where it made any difference what color guy she cheated with, she cheated.

Awful

What a waste of time. Cardboard cutouts for people. No depth to them at all. Unimaginative plot. Nothing original. The time line was a jumble, like it was put together with cut and paste. In a word: awful.

Perfunctory

Not much insight, not much drama, not much reason to read. You've done much much better, Mr. Hear.

WHEN THE LOVE GOES SOUR

brown sugar never helps, nor does any sweetener. TK U MLJ LV NV

A consequence story

Consequence story. Very interesting sometime beween a revenge story and a consequence story very small is the difference. Several times a good writen epiloge with a good twist at the end is the different.

Good story and ending

Jess turned out to be a terrible wife, one who cheats and lies, continued to cheat and lie and they the sham of a Valentine's Day dinner. She also was vindictive when her facade of a mariage was being stripped away from her she got her Father to take almost all the things in the apartment. Funny, since she was the one in the wrong all along. Getting rid of slut Jess was the best thing our hero could have done for himself.

good but belongs in IR now LW there was no LW here

not up to your normal good standards

he did not put up with that and good for him. she was damaged goods

As always DG goes soft on women

He did not wimp out but the bitch got away too easily. As always DG got scared while getting even.

really boring

it seemed that he would walk away and didn't care about anything, as in the end the slut was hanging around with his sister in this world the sister would no everything.

Ho hum

I woke up. I got out of bed. I brushed my teeth. I went to work. I... Geez what an interesting collection of almost-events.

The charters are dull, the writing plods, the whole thing is just... I dunno, a snoozer.

But DGH is honest about one thing: "I write strickly as an amature" Yes, and you also write STRICTLY as an AMATEUR.

That was not interesting

In fact it was obvious what was going to happen from the word go... Personally I like to have some tension. I would say he was lucky to find out that she was completely untrustworthy before they had children...

Divorce Stories?

Does anyone really get off on these divorce stories? A story about a couple fighting and getting divorced is about the LEAST erotic thing possible to read.

I'm a Fan But...

..this really needed more work. Just look at all the repetition in the first few paragraphs.
It was not as original or interesting as DGH usually achieves. For example, the wife was so two-dimesional. At the very least it would have been interesting to know why she seemed so angry when he told her he was leaving. Given the background provided in the story she knew how important fidelity was to him so she should have expected it. After all she wasn't trying to hide her cheating much- she invited her lover(s) to meet her husband!

i love your work but this one was a little flat and lacked passion or emotion. sort of - well ho hum. but a good read.

Interstate story

Raleigh, NC to Flagstaff, AZ kinda story. Get on I-40, go West. Arrive!
Interracial was kinda like fueling up in Clinton, OK instead of Amarillo, TX, it really made no difference in anything!

There should have at least been a brief rationale about abortion. Both Hubby AND Sweetie are portrayed as people who would have opted for that immediately, rather than marriage! (Still DO, for that matter!)

Not up to your usual quality

You usually put more depth into your stories and don't fly through them quite like that. This story wasn't bad, but not quite at the same level as I'm used to you posting. Thanks for sharing. You shouldn't compromise on your stories, even if it's out of the normal genre you normally write.

Slow

He was boring , she was bored, and I was bored. What's with that!

Yawn!

DG, your story 'Didn't work out' either. Not worth rating. Can you now get back to your usual quality.

Peter

Ummmmm he just let her act like that after cheating and manipulating him? You right! Why do the guys in these stories always want to treat the woman who just fucked up your life with respect? That makes no fucking sense at all!!!

Decent Tale

One big factor in this tale is that they really didn't fall in love head over heels. They married for the baby. which did not survive. She cheated. brought her husband to swing and he didn't care for it. So they split. Can't really call her a cheating whore because they didn't love each other. Not a bad tale. Thanks.

Have to agree with Overstar on this.

Your story feels like a bare-bones outline and not an actual story with your usual great characters and depth of story-telling. Maybe it's the pressure of the deadline or something, but while it's a passable story, it's really not up to part with what I'd consider a good DG Hear tale. Props for the effort though, you always entertain.

Oh wow. I've just read the word "dinner" like eight times

in six lines. Not good writing. I know you're better than that so I'm going to go eat, come back and start on paragraph three. No score yet D.G.

The story started out very interesting and then ended with little pizazz. Well written, but it felt like it needed something more toward the end. Since the guy kept mentioning how he didn't love his wife (not to mention they were only married two years), it was hard to care about the marriage ending. I figured there had to be something else about to happen.

Glad to see DGH writing again

I am surprised at all of the negative comments. Clear, concise, and credible story to me.

Excellent

"Not with a bang but a whimper" Live is a lot like this story. Well done!

Good to see you back and writing.

Somewhat bland.

Quite well told, but not a particularly interesting story.

Okay! (Tuna salad)

Fourth and fifth paragraphs were a hook. Good writing. But after setting the scene for an interesting evening of tinkling the ebonies and ivories, you fucking meander off on some sentimental background about your blue collar roots and good ol' Dad (with a capital D) and her getting pregnant and spooning up to each other in the saddening dusk of an already loveless ill-conceived marriage and a not begotten lost child. Heavy. Not only the weed. And then...with the image of his wife that he cares little for in any case sucking the boss's dick (was it humungous? I missed that) whilst the gorgeous Chris wraps her ivories around the (humungous??) ebony pole of ...oh wait I'm getting confused here darn it. Off for some pudding..8*

Like your stuff!

'Nuff said.

JUST OKAY

dghear could have worked it better , it was too short not up to his standards.. you win some and you lose some

about as interesting as watching paint dry

this may be the worst most boring story DG has ever written.
Think about this

"If you don't mind I have a few joints with me and it's an excellent grade. After drinking I like to smoke a joint or so. I have more than enough for all of us." replied Carl.

Before I could answer Jess said she didn't seen any problem with it so Carl lit up two joints and passed one over for Chris and I to share and said he would share his with Jess since she was sitting on the chair near him.

um WHAT? who the fuck lets that happen? is this guy a potted plant?
um yeah hello its my house...

Can't believe

DG...not one of your best stories, but still OK...can't believe that comment from AN....oh well!

Yep...sort of missed the mark

The story title could have been this comment title.

The main problem with it, in my mind, is that it circled around the block a few times, came back to where it started and then took off in a different direction. Lacking in organization, unfortunately.

Rushed

Feel's very rush liked you pumped it out to make it into the Valentines Day comp. Not up to your usual high standards DGH

Too rushed, I think it's your wort story. Not even going to rate it.

A nicely written story

Although the emotional level seemed to be a little flat, but the story was still enjoyable.

It just seemed that he was unemotional when he found out Jess was fucking around on him and he just wrote her off, like a bad business deal. Perhaps it was that he never really loved her in the first place.

Thanks for the read.

Not up to par!

Not your best story, by far. It is a little disappointing to read a DG Hear story, and have it fall flat...usually it is just the reverse.

Reasonably short tale.

Should of been more consequences for her, such as discovering her lover had gotten her pregnant. Her lover destroys a marriage while getting free pussy; gets off free. A followup with deserved consequences is in order.

I gave it 5 stars ...

... very believable.
Panther Fan.

Should do a follow up!

It would be cool to see a second chapter!!

hope she catches a disease for being a whore

worthless cheaters deserve to burn and rot with nothing and she deserves to be treated like trash.

Thanks***

For the read.

Predators

You should have done something about the predators, they were the one's that ruin the relationship. That was a big miss for me. Good read anyways keep it up

"It didn't work out" ....

.... neither did your story! Too many wimp/cuck husbands appearing in your tales these days .. careful DG or you'll end up like "Ms." Moreau.

Disappointed

I was glad to see an entry in the contest from DGHear, usually a superb story teller. Not this time. Too short, too bland, too predictable. None of the characters had any redeeming qualities. The Henry's were just looking for a plaything, the wife just wanted a buddy to party with, and the hubby had the emotions of a fish (if that much). There is no need for a next chapter. The best part of this story is that it got the racists and the women haters in a tizzy.

I think Mr. Wolf should work on his editing skills, he seems to have trouble knowing which words to get rid of and how a sentence should flow in order to get maximum effect from each line.

If you deleted your first paragraph and began with "I was surprised. . ." it would have been better. You could work in later your disdain for celebration.

Concise and to the point is the way to my heart in a short story. You have good ideas and write fairly well, but lose it in the inconsistent storytelling.