Yes I have been to TEXAS many times.The last time from Chicago to Austin by Amtrak Here.in the UK we would not use "off of" off or from.
Was lying is always better than lay.
I'm glad I wasn't too harsh about the first episode
this one shows real promise. I do think you would have done better with both comments and marks if you'd made it clear by using the same title and putting chapter one and two on it.
Not bad at all, and I look forward to more.
that there are situations which have people with no redeeming qualities. This makes it unpalatible for the reader as we have no one to cheer for. Your marriage break up has no bitterness or tension and that detracks from the overall story. You should have submitted both stories as one. Thus you would have shown the consequences of the actions of both parties. You need to build tension and thus emotionally gain your audience. As is I the reader feel nothing for either of your characters. I think I should so ***.
This is another stroke story, focussing on a character referenced in this author's recent "Cat's Away" tale, then a brief (and essentially independent) continuation of THAT tale!
As ANON 'Gander' comments on 'CatAway', SOME sort of tension between the spouses is important in LW. There are two (very marginal) such points in MousePlay, the first when an elderly neighbor lady believes Hubby is harming a female, POSSiBLY Sweetie, and calls the gendarmes. The second is in the amicable division of property interaction between Hubby and Sweetie! Gee! Had me on the edge of my seat until Hubby got the dinner table!
Again, this is (also) a pretty good stroke story. IMHO, it is MARRED by the forced link to CatAway, just as that story was marred by the references to an irrelevant Hubby.
In Erotic Couplings, a de-spoused MousePlay would earn a 4* from me!
As it is ... 3*
lolz hes a stupid fuck. heard the saying as is. when the cats away the mouse will play lolz so anyone thats heard that can pretty much piece together besides the nsmes these stories are joined. so its part two without the title of it.
English
Texas.
Yes I have been to TEXAS many times.The last time from Chicago to Austin by Amtrak Here.in the UK we would not use "off of" off or from.
Was lying is always better than lay.
I'm glad I wasn't too harsh about the first episode
this one shows real promise. I do think you would have done better with both comments and marks if you'd made it clear by using the same title and putting chapter one and two on it.
Not bad at all, and I look forward to more.
I realize
that there are situations which have people with no redeeming qualities. This makes it unpalatible for the reader as we have no one to cheer for. Your marriage break up has no bitterness or tension and that detracks from the overall story. You should have submitted both stories as one. Thus you would have shown the consequences of the actions of both parties. You need to build tension and thus emotionally gain your audience. As is I the reader feel nothing for either of your characters. I think I should so ***.
A Loveless Marriage
Inspires no interest.
Two independent stories
This is another stroke story, focussing on a character referenced in this author's recent "Cat's Away" tale, then a brief (and essentially independent) continuation of THAT tale!
As ANON 'Gander' comments on 'CatAway', SOME sort of tension between the spouses is important in LW. There are two (very marginal) such points in MousePlay, the first when an elderly neighbor lady believes Hubby is harming a female, POSSiBLY Sweetie, and calls the gendarmes. The second is in the amicable division of property interaction between Hubby and Sweetie! Gee! Had me on the edge of my seat until Hubby got the dinner table!
Again, this is (also) a pretty good stroke story. IMHO, it is MARRED by the forced link to CatAway, just as that story was marred by the references to an irrelevant Hubby.
In Erotic Couplings, a de-spoused MousePlay would earn a 4* from me!
As it is ... 3*
lolz hes a stupid fuck. heard the saying as is. when the cats away the mouse will play lolz so anyone thats heard that can pretty much piece together besides the nsmes these stories are joined. so its part two without the title of it.
im not into gsy male stuff at all.
A LACK OF CATS
allows rats to run amok, TK U MLJ LV NV
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