I definitely love your style of writing already :)
Great story I loved it please continue. That little faggot Kevin will rot in hell for what he did. If God is supposedly against gays its not your place to hate or judge them. They say God is forgiven & loves everyone even those that don't love him. So why judge gays when you your self sin & do wrong or evil things like Kevin. If Jason would've went to hell he would've seen that Kevin evil ass is right there with him. Killing all those innocent people & trying to kill Jason out of pure hatred. Its people like Kevin who I look at as faggots & undercover men who sleep with women who know nothing about their sleeping with men also. Their being gay has no effect on your lives so why care.
It's so sweet and romantic! I am definitely for gays, some of my closest friends are gay and they deserve the same rights as anyone else does. Keep writing and please make the chapters a little longer! xx SS
I can't believe this is your first submission. It was really great and I can't wait for more; please don't make us wait too long!
How could you stop please hurry with next post. I too can't believe this is your first story hooked all the way and don't want to stop reading....
u do not end it there, no! that is not fair
A very brave piece to take on in light of all the shootings there have been. Though it's not real, it kinda makes you think about telling people how you feel. great piece. Look forward to more
I usually try to avoid multi-chapter stories until there's a few submitted chapters already, I tried this and I really liked it and I look forward to the rest of it.
It was brave from your part to submit a story like that in light of recent events, and I found it very enthralling and consistent if not for two little things...
First I can't see Kevin as a "spree-killer". I could see him trying to murder Jason alone (give the intro) but not going on a killing spree ad shot to several students randomly, it doesn't fit the psychology of the character as it is described so far. He was a jock, a bully, but his problem was with Jason, so why the slaughter? He states "I don't even care about killing you and these others because they are necessary sacrifices." but I don't understand WHY they are "necessary sacrifices". Even if (as I think, because that's a possible explanation for it) Kevin was a closeted gay who denied himself because it was against everything he was taught, and attracted to Jason and choose to kill Jason and himself because "he turned gay" and the homicide/suicide may have lead them together to hell (ok, that's twisted but I don't think Kevin is less twisted that that...) I don't see the need to make it so "grand" for him with a school massacre. This suits more an "outcast" personality, someone who wants to take revenge over the bullies and the people who ignored him.
The other thing that made me frown a bit (but that's just a personal issue I have) it's the "supernatural" scene: was that really necessary? The tale was so realistic that far, was an "afterlife" scene really necessary, beyond reassuring your readers that Jason is alive and there's more to the story? It's not that I don't believe in it, I find it annoying or else, I just see it as an unnecessary addition, more a "writer's trick" than an actual "plot point".
Apart from that, I have to restate that I enjoyed this story and I look forward for more, also hoping you will develop those points further. ;)
This takes a lot of guts to right this for your first submission, good job hon. Remember to never take too much criticism , especially from anonymous and people who have never written anything, they whine and bitch the most. Stand your ground, and good luck, great job.
I can't wait to read more ;)
instantly hooked i cant wait for the next chapter hon KEEP IT GOING
hooked right from the start. Hope you write quickly!!
Please write more! I'm so glad Jason decided to "come back" as there is so much holding him here. Speaking of holding him here, he has a genuine friend in Henry, and Henry has expressed his love, Would love to see these two continue their love; would love to see their love develop in successive chapters. They could be quite sexy and loving together. Go for it!
Where is the rest of it!! I've got to have more.. Waiting anxiously for Chapter 2 and more.. Well done!
I hope Jason does not wind up in a coma! Henry better seriously confess to his friend after this incident!
This story is like the best it's hard to find story's like this now days please right fast
This is by far the best love story i have ever read in my life. If you dont write the next chapter soon I will cry.
Very nice...loving this story!
You write pretty well. I was screaming and so tense all the time, and the part when J. is asked about to leave or come back to life is nice. I just hope a happy ending, but I always respect the decisions of the other writers (as I am one too). congratulations, please dont stop writing.
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