Nice beginning of a story. Cannot wait to read the following parts.
Is it going to be a longer love story?
I am curious where it will go.
Yeah I'm trying to focus more on an actual love story, but of course there will be plenty of sex.
yeah, let it build and then explode! Wish it was a little longer, but... you write allot of stories, so oh well!
Got the feeling that this will be good!
It should be checked for errors to be edited. If you want to mean also in a sentence. You need to use the word TOO not TO. I have seen this error in other stories before.
I have some minor quibbles (grammar), and don't ordinarily think of sandwiches from a pizza shop, but it's a great start for a relationship story rather than meaningless sex.
Maybe I'm a little too suspicious of people since I live in NYC, but you don't go letting people in your house you just met. Especially since she asked can she come up. Lols I woulda looked at this bitch like she crazy cause NYC is full if crazy psychos lols. Shit Philly got just as many crazies too. Nonetheless good start up I don't get him putting up with Jennifer he seems like a nice guy. If she wants to bitch & moan about little things like video games, forget her. Its not like he's a loser without a job living off her playing video games all day.
lol yeah Philly's pretty crazy out here. Although this story is based in a more quiet section of the city where crimes a little lesser then other parts. Just slightly. As for the grammar errors, grammar is usually my weakness. I always ALWAYS run through spell checker before posting, but I guess there are certain things that it tends to miss.
A great start to what im sure will be an even greater story
GRAMMAR FUCKERS! shut the fuck up. Or write your own stories. It's a FREE site.
If you want perfection write it yourself, or pay for it!
"GRAMMAR FUCKERS! shut the fuck up. Or write your own stories. It's a FREE site.
If you want perfection write it yourself, or pay for it!"
Or Tom1989 could just get a Beta reader to look for these types of mistakes before posting. Perhaps you can do it white knight of overreacting so that you can protect the poor defenseless writer from criticism? Mistakes happen and people point them out. It happens dude, just take a chill pill.
Good start looking forward to where this goes from here.
Grammar is my weakness...I've said it many times. HOWEVER, I get more reviews telling me that I'm doing good then I do bitching about my grammar...so I don't sweat it. If I had more people bitching at me about the grammar, I'd look for a beta reader to help me find the mistakes. Before submitting stories I always run them through Word spell checker...obviously it does not fix all the mistakes, but I do the best I can. As long as I get more people telling me it's good, I'm not going to worry about it.
As for the sandwiches from pizza shops...in Philly, mostly all pizza shops sell pizza as well as things like cheese steaks and hoagies. It's common out here...not sure about other places.
WIG - and every time I travel back to FW (I live in LA) I indulge. Cali just doesn't have many good places for hoagies .....
Anyway, good read.
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