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English
I agree
Needs a rewrite. not up to the standards of the others.
Good story
I just read the story from the beginning. I think Anonymous is too harsh! You really do need an editor to clean it up, but it's an interesting story and I want to see more of it.
Needs an Editor... very badly!
The story has a lot of potential, but is serious need of a good editor and a rewrite. But other than that, keep up the good work!
Hard to read
Pros:
Interesting Storyline: Engaging
Background is well thought out
Cons
Needs a rewrite with a good editor: Grammatical flaws make it hard to read and detract from the story.
Leave your racial and political prejudices out of the story.
Poor visual development: left wondering too many times what a character looked like or what type of environment the scene was taking place in.
Character differentiation: Many characters seem like different aspects of the same person just in a different body. (Brian,both AIs and Marcus all have very similar timbre)
Character development: Still no real idea as to why some characters act the way they do. (eg. Thumper knocking out the girl. Characters stopping to give lengthy and often unrelated explanations in the middle of important situations)
What happened with Mark's family?
Who are Dawn and May with Neosis? Before it was Rebecca and Nicole.
Please do more!!!
Loved the story but major cliff-hangar at the end please add more soon! And maybe do some movies of the ones already created.
Abandoned story?
Does anyone know why this story was abandoned? Is there any chance that the author will return to literotica, or that someone else will pick it up and finish it? While not perfect it was still a damn good story.
???
Are you going to continue with the story
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