The Beginning of Forever

way too rushed this has no build up other then she was eating,gets in her car and poof she is swimming in a pond on pack lands found by the alpha. she wakes up told by him they are weres and excepts it then agrees to be his mate with no freaking out or disbelief, please tell me you didnt just throw this together.

Rushed

Way too rushed, it needed more meat, but if you take you're time, expand a bit, it has great potential.

Wow

Yea I agree with everyone else that was way to rushed...she didn't even question it or anything.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

ok i was saying yay another werewolf story and i hope this doesn't go like all the rest......... but i start to read and i'm like....... is this a summary of the whole entire story all on one page???..............

i agree with all the previous readers that this was rushed and really needs help.... you need an editor and you need to think this through........ use the guideline u have on this chapter you've posted and flesh it out................ after she leaves the party..do something that will lead to her going to the pond..... a childhood memory, a breakup, first time having sex, a funeral, something to bring the place some significance........ then lead to the alpha............. describe him........what he is doing patrolling in the first place........... why he was there in that particular area....... just gone to reflect maybe to get a quick minute to relax??.............. then emphasize on the importance of the scent..........then you could have stopped when she passed out the second time........... build chpt 2 from there on in.....

my advice to you is to flesh it out ........ and when you have done that..then you post it

I like the way this started...but you should add more. How did Valerie end up sick, or when did Felix tell her about him. It is good but it feels like you skipped a lot; unless you have it planned for when she wakes up. Please make the chapters a bit longer

i was excited to read this story and as it started i was liking it but then all of a sudden it jus started to not make much sense, even though this story has potential it is too rushed and there is too many questions left unanswered

A little transition might be necessary

I like the tone and the characters. You might consider adding in a bit of transition from 'whimpered in fear and fainted' to 'I love you'. The emotions between the characters during that part of plot development is what hooks a reader. Overall I look forward to the next chapter. Good job.

That's it? It is way to short, and half of it is missing.

Needs work

Im sorry to say this but your story needs quite a bit of work. It did not "flow" and it read like a summary. And there was a lot of details missing. I could hardly make heads or tails of where you were going. I mean, she wakes up in a strange place and learns of werewolves, then she is instantly okay with being the alpha's mate. I doubt anyone could be that lonely.

Could be promising

I love the idea you have but I feel like you put up the summary of several chapters. I love the little details like her dinner and the children, perhaps a small rewrite before you continue? It is hard to understand why a single human female would want to mate with a wolf so quickly, perhaps she wanted to take a chance on love but the details are severly missing to make this story make sense.

Please don't give up on this story I think we will all love it but let us know what they are thinking and why she made this choice.

Mmm?

First of I think she was sitting in a booth not a both. lol As for the jump to the pond maybe she crashed her car on the way home, and wondered to the pond in a daze, which would explain the pain and fever,that caused her to dream or have a vision of the man/wolf she has been dreaming of for months.
Why was she on her own? What happened to her parents? Has she seen werewolves before? Maybe she has always known about werewolves and has painted them as she is an artist.
These are just a few of my speculations as you have given us so little background to go by. The way it is written at the moment is unbelieveable as so many have stated. Please keep writing I look forward to seeing the next chapter and where this tale is heading and hope all the comments don't put you of posting the rest of YOUR story.

Crap

The writing is rather juvenile. You jump way to fast. Who even in the mists of a very fast acting fever would be so calm about werewolves, and agree to be a total strangers mate. It is very unrealistic and really it is not very original. It is like most of the werewolf stories I have read. You need to get an editor for your stories and take what they say to heart. This story could be ok if it did not move faster than the speed of light.

read more mature more

you have a good spirit. try getting more familiar with this style. i recommend "bound to my mate." by Dr. Wolf. she's one of my favs on here.

quick and a little choppy

I like the plot and would even like to see the rest if there is more... But the dialog lacks smoothness that is found in better works... When finishing your draft you may want some of the character's thought in the story...
Or how did the girl get in the pond?
Don't see this as a bash but as a peer review...

Rushed

The title of my comment says it all. I get that the girl is lonely, but this entry makes her seem way more than that to simply accept the idea of werewolves, though she initially passed out from what she thought was a wolf, and to instantly say 'lets mate!'...There are several crazy people in my family that are quick to jump into things, but even this would be a stretch for those flighty individuals. Lmbo

RUSHED

RUSHED,WAY TOO SHORT,choppy,no background at all.A decent start,but longer chapters and lots more detail would be nice.WOW,to accept to becoming his mate,when she was only how long ago,fainting because of him,Sick,from what?Please explain in more detail.But keep writing,i think you could do good.

wow.. crap

total crap...she faints, nearly drowns , nearly throws up, discovers the existence of werewolves and falls in love in one unconscious night and 4 short crappy paragraphs. 1 minute of my life I will never get back :(

not good

The story woud have been better if things were more clarified. Its too rushed. It seems as if the fainting was used to fill the story...

Chapter two!

Yes a little rushed but still a good jumping off point. Post chapter 2, lets see why she was rushed and not making sense! Seriously sick or nearly dead people do weird stuff! If you need a proof reader I suck but would love to help :) reply and let me know-R.A.

I really like it!

I am excited to see where you take this story! I would just ask that you slow it down a bit. The story is a great base, and i love the to see where you will take the charaters and the story! :) so please post more soon!!!

Rushed

She passed out in fear, woke up in a strange place with a werewolf who wants to mate her, and she immediately happily accepts and professes her love?

Rush...

Wow... this story feels rushed.. i can honestly say I dont look forward to anymore chapters is rushing to end said story

The one thought going throught my head...

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM???? I would understand if there was exposition as to their cosmic connection, but with none of that I'm left thinking the same thought....
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM???