All Comments on 'Lust and Love'

by Thevirginwriter

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  • 3 Comments
SweetOblivionSweetOblivionabout 11 years ago
It's a likeable start that has some possibilities

This does, however, need considerable work to be fit for purpose. The first stanza almost works - some thoughts to improve the scansion:

I believe in love.

And love is just deception,

I detest the restraints

That lie in love's affection.

The second stanza has some very clumsy lines - line 5, 6 and 7 all grate and in the final couplet, if you must use antiquated terms, use the correct form: would be thou meets (I think) in the penultimate verse.

Sweet O.

HarryHillHarryHillabout 11 years ago
Did not like the last word choice

re·sign

1.leave job: to give up a paid or unpaid position voluntarily

2.accept something reluctantly: to come to terms with something and acquiesce in it reluctantly

3.relinquish claim: to give up a right or claim to something

..

would suggest reside instead

Quivering_QuillQuivering_Quillabout 11 years ago
Deception of Perception

A poem that has much potential. There are some rough moments and when comparing one must always deal with the Perception and the Deception, just like the correlation between Lust and Love.

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