All Comments on 'Into the Land of Bethany'

it has all the right elements - but somehow it just doesn't. Possibly the characters aren't developed quite enough.

This was about as interesting as watching paint dry. Blah blah blah, perfect princess, blah blah blah, fucks another guy, blah blah blah, instantly turns into a foul mouthed street whore blah blah blah.

Ugh.

Good job of creating a cheating piece of shit pretending to be a wife

There was ' No Doubt ',I liked it all until the male character spoke his name. This had a National Geographic feel to it, until then. The effect was of following 2 prime animals of same species meeting accidentally and being seized by the need to rut and reproduce without conscience or 2nd thoughts. Hearing actual words spoiled the primal fantasy.

Now higher intelligence, morals, ramifications and consequences tread the stage. The bubble is burst. Sometimes less is more. Fine job by my lights until that point though. ****

There's an underlying current I feel while reading this ~ it's that Biblical "fall from Grace" feeling. Just like in the story, in real life I go with the lust-of-the-moment. It's a great tale, well told and plausible. I gave it four stars, withholding that last star for that underlying current ~ which, buy the way, is also apparent when I see a porn movie where the Babe has a cross on her necklace during the facial scene.

I'm in favor of everyone achieving his/her Pursuit of Happiness; so I'll feel better when Bethany's husband gets HIS awakening in much this same way. In the aftermath, I have to wonder: will the loving and cherishing of the marriage continue with these - additions - or will the marriage fall apart because of a feeling of - being replaced - a subtraction ??

I'm glad I'm The Critic and not The Writer. I hope you continue to write.

Would love to read a chapter 2. Keep writing!

Hot start. Hope there is more to come.

Usually, readers such as LSD prefer to develop a story with dialogue. Perhaps it is the placement of an introductory statement at the VERY end of a story which resulted in his downgrade ... But he was right about the effect (although my rating scale is more generous - AKA 'less discriminating!')

It seems that YBeav is also concerned about how little the reader is exposed to nuances of the characters, beyond the narrator's factual overview!

Both are right, but I prefer to view this submission as a masterpiece of flashness - AKA minimalism!

5*

Sentence one ... prefer a story to be developed...!

Sorry!

because other than the seduction and adulterous sex by the young prim and proper bride that is all there is to the story thus far. I myself find it difficult to see this unfold in reality the way it is written. How a loving wife can find "electricity" in a first time look at a man not her husband sounds more like fodder for a woman's magazine in the fiction department. Then for her and her predator to so quickly have wonderful sex in the same home she lives with loving husband smakes of more like a dream than reality. If the young wife were that easily seduced and fucked she immediately deserves a divorce, and her fucktoy deserves two broken kneecaps and 3 or 4 kicks to the groin.

Keep up the good work was a great story

You are a very good writer and your skill was put to good effect. One interesting thing about this story was that both my wife and I found it very exciting. We also loved your ending; nice to at least get the lad's name! Keep up the good work!

Stuff of daydreams and there's nothing wrong with that at all. I thought it nicely written and liked the ending myself. Perhaps placing it in erotic couplings would quiet the cheater whingers.

Middle-aged wife fantasy. Next write about what the husband thinks about.

Though Bethany Gard has a ring to it. A story in this cat is only valued (by me) if there's a description of the consequences. Otherwise a fairly lame stroke, I'm afraid. 3*

This is my first submission to Lit and it's a diversion/fantasy tale. The ugly consequences of such behavior were purposefully ignored as it was a step away from reality, not an exposition of it. However, almost all of the comments had merit and I've taken them to heart. My next piece will be a bit more gritty with some actual characters. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. This novice has learned a lot from the experience, and I hope to get something new up soon.

If it hadn't happened to me pretty much as you wrote about it, I wouldn't have believed this was possible. Years later, someone told me that up until we introduced ourselves we were having a 'zipless fuck.' But we did get names and stayed in touch, and had a long relationship full of some of the hottest sex of my life. Thank you for stirring up those memories again.

Now it's time to see what kind of actress she is when Hubby comes home. Hot wife stays at home vs. goes to work. Damned if she stays vs. damned if she goes. This was UL's only Lit. story. Too bad. Wish he/she would come back.

A good girl virgin wife turning instantly into a whore just from the sight of a good looking guy; like before her marriage, she had never seen an attractive guy before. It is not she couldn't develop a relationship and fuck another guy. However, such a change would not occur instantly. Therefore, the story is completely unrealistic

Lazlo, finish the damn story! You’ve got a decent intro here, and the barest beginnings of a plot, but this is simply a vignette, between characters who need a lot more development. This is a good little religious girl who just behaved abominably. You need to spell out the repercussions both to her individually and to her marriage. How does she handle the inevitable guilt? Does this remain a one-and-done or does she commence on a more protracted affair? Does she do anything about the risk of pregnancy? Does her husband find out? You’ve got some work to do, Lazlo! I look forward to reading Part 2.

Dirty rotten slut who needs to be tossed away like yesterday’s trash