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English
Mind over Matter....
If you don't mind, it really doesn't mater..... Nicely written and appreciated. Thanks for sharing.
are there so many subs in Jolly land?
I guess you hang out in secret cells I never found, in any event well written moving saga demonstrating the opposite of the feminist revolution. Technically, if I might suggest:
i felt a fear = might be "gave me a fear"
also, too many "and" that could be cut
burned with a wanting and lust= drop "and" here for matching cadence and effect
So to you i gave myself over = this line is awkward
Your filthy talk it gets me wet ="all" wet gives you cadence
also I love the small "i" and perhaps it is the true sub in you, or whoever is in you who dictates, but since e.e. commings (c.1930 although the glorious fucker seemed to live forever, it is a little out of date, but if you are happy go with it0 take a look at his Buffalo Bill poem tha ends with the line,
"he was a handsome man
and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15399#st hash.iZ0Br9jy.dpuf
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