Don't stop just because someone says you wrote it in the wrong tense. I don't know if it was or not, I did enjoy the story so far. I would love to read more about the family. He seemed awfully brave criticizing you from a dark hiding spot.
Although this is a good story, almost with non-stop sex, and the father impregnating his daughter, it lacks the sexually incestual ooomph necessary to make the story great. It seems to have a monotone evolution to it, moving from scene to scene with hardly any sexual excitement. It could be that this being a non-stop fucking family the sex has no compassion nor love nor emotion that causes a thrill urgency, lust and sensationalism.
Nina seems to the only one having any feelings for other family members; although Luke has now show her some feelings and compassion, there is a possiblitythis aspect could grow into a story of itself.
I actually have to agree with you. I felt after writing and submitting it, it lacked energy, detail, and more connection. I'm striving in my next chapter to rectify that. I also think I put too many encounters in this one with too few details. Again next chapter should be better, I hope. Please read it if you are still interested. I've been really happy with my other comments. Thank you guys, I had thought about writing for a long time and am pleased I finally took the plunge.
Mingalee, thanks for your e-mail. I read your comments just before this comment.
After rereading your story I feel Luke and "Nina" should get very serious with each other, in particular, as boy and girl, man and woman, falling love and easing themselves, as committed true lovers, out of the non-stop fucking family of their sexually dominating, sexually controlling father. The future pregnancies of Nina should all be by and for Luke, as they appear to be the only love-interest aspect potential for this family; in fact, most stories with human involvement shuld have a man and woman compassion element of a deep-seated love interest to make the story palatible. Of course Luke and Nina are the ideal condidates of your story.
English
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Writing is present tense is bad. Most seasoned authors on here will tell you that. I didn't get past the 2nd paragraph.
It is a good beginning.
Don't stop just because someone says you wrote it in the wrong tense. I don't know if it was or not, I did enjoy the story so far. I would love to read more about the family. He seemed awfully brave criticizing you from a dark hiding spot.
Next Chapter!
It was very good and i can't wait to read more!
Nina's Predicament
Although this is a good story, almost with non-stop sex, and the father impregnating his daughter, it lacks the sexually incestual ooomph necessary to make the story great. It seems to have a monotone evolution to it, moving from scene to scene with hardly any sexual excitement. It could be that this being a non-stop fucking family the sex has no compassion nor love nor emotion that causes a thrill urgency, lust and sensationalism.
Nina seems to the only one having any feelings for other family members; although Luke has now show her some feelings and compassion, there is a possiblitythis aspect could grow into a story of itself.
To Big daddy G 123
I actually have to agree with you. I felt after writing and submitting it, it lacked energy, detail, and more connection. I'm striving in my next chapter to rectify that. I also think I put too many encounters in this one with too few details. Again next chapter should be better, I hope. Please read it if you are still interested. I've been really happy with my other comments. Thank you guys, I had thought about writing for a long time and am pleased I finally took the plunge.
Nina's Preidcament
Mingalee, thanks for your e-mail. I read your comments just before this comment.
After rereading your story I feel Luke and "Nina" should get very serious with each other, in particular, as boy and girl, man and woman, falling love and easing themselves, as committed true lovers, out of the non-stop fucking family of their sexually dominating, sexually controlling father. The future pregnancies of Nina should all be by and for Luke, as they appear to be the only love-interest aspect potential for this family; in fact, most stories with human involvement shuld have a man and woman compassion element of a deep-seated love interest to make the story palatible. Of course Luke and Nina are the ideal condidates of your story.
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