by MrPossessed
Please take a course in proper grammar. Me and her?????? Come on now. It's She and I. Kelsey and I.....
Not a good place to end a chapter at all. At least I suppose this is intended as a chapter - but it is just a tease, and no one appreciates a tease who ends it there?
Mistakes would only bother a teacher. Who cares. I can't wait for Ch. 02
So tired of reading a small teaser that is off to a good start and then have to try and watch for another mid sized page to appear. problem being they never give you enough of the story to embed it so you dont have to go and reread it to remember what and who the people are to this story.
Even as a teaser, I just didn't like it. Incorrect wording, bad sentence structure. The story seems kind of.....jerky. Like i'm watching a movie, and some of the frames are missing every once in a while. It kept me reading, not experiencing.
It's a great effort. Anyone willing to write something for here deserves praise, but it does need work. Keep working on it. Believe me, I know...practice makes good.
Not really much character build-up.
Sorry but needs an editor.
Why does she "yell" and "shout" when her brother is inches away from her?
What the hell possessed you to leave yourself open to so much crap flinging. This is something like maybe a draft outline of what might be a story. You are brave, I'll give you that. Try connecting the dots next time, or at the least try to write a story next time.
RS
That wasn't sexual man I'm horny as hell and that wasn't sexual there's No fucking no cock sucking,pussy licking,no fucking at all I'm sorry
A sweet and innocent tale of a brother and sister finding themselves in love with each other and wanting to carry the love affair to it's final coupling and having sex and making love to each other.
With both of them being a bit on the naive side, it should be very sweet when they finally couple and have sex.
I hope to see the next chapter soon.
Thanks for the read...
For the title to indicate this story(?) as chapter one (Ch. 01) is probably an oversight. It IS short, with very little, hardly any detail or descriptions of the characters, the introduction of the theme and no indication of the intent nor direction of the characters and story. The writer has work to do.
Don't get discouraged! You've passed the first hurdle--you have started; that is an accomplishment. Might be helpful to have a good friend or two to review your story before you put it online, get some feedback, some opinions. You might even allow two or three days between the first draft, the rought draft, the preliminary, and again before your friend(s) review, all before submission review and posting. Don't give up though, smile and bounce back all the better each time.
where is the story. if you're going to write a short story, go back to ninth grade and study pose and poetry. what is the supposedly story? you get a one rate.