A Ruined Life Ch. 02

will you continue?

would like to see more of this story. would like to see the male side of his family actually come to respect him. However with the wonderful love of his wife, nothing else should matter. THANK YOU

want to see his dad and brothers faces when they cant play football anymore, but he is still dancing and is the one with the hot wife and future that they dont have.

A beautifully written story, five stars.

Nice story, but

A nice story, but your poor spelling and grammar knocked my rating down. It is distracting and took me out of the story. I really think an editor would help.

I loved your story , it was beautiful adorable insightful and much more.
thanks

So much potential

I thoroughly enjoyed your effort. Your plot was fresh and almost perfect. Your play on words were at times brilliant. Some portions seemed a bit rushed. And you desperately need a good editor. I've written enough to know how easy it is for misspelled words and other errors to creep in. It is also much easier for a second party to catch and correct these errors. Whatever you decide don't stop writing. Another chapter would be nice.

Loved It!!!

Your story intrigued from the first paragraph and what you were trying to convey far, far outshines the supposed glare of errors in the "mechanics".
Please, continue to offer us more. You are a spinner of fair yarns!!!

Editor

Beautiful story. Will not it score it until you have edited it and I can re-read it when I would hope to give it 5*

I have a fault . . .

or maybe it's a gift. When a story is really, really good, I seem to miss any typos or mispellings, etc. I didn't notice a one in this terrific story. 5*

needs an editor for the typos

The story was delightful, as was its predecessor. The only thing holding me back from a 5 star rating is the abundant misuse of apostrophes.

Okay I'm at loss on that one.

Miss use of apostrophes? I've done a reread and can't see that I've used any except in contractions. I didn't even make a slip (that I saw ) in my quotes and not hit the 'Shift' key.

Could you mean Ellipsis? The three ... period space used to signal a pause in dialog or thought. Those I do probably use more of than I need too. Shrug...simply the way I chose to write.

Now I'm currently working on learning to use the comma in dialog instead of a period. If I had to go back and reedit this one I would change that now.

Words that sound the same but are spell differently are a bane of mine I recognize and that I'm working to correct but it's a word for word learning process. Just the way my brain works.

As far as an editor goes. For the most part I would rather do the work myself. This is a hobby of mine and I'm learning as I go, cant do that if I don't do the work.

I have a very few stories that I will ask someone to take a look at before I post. Those are the stories that I've done that shook me, as a writer, to the core. At the moment I have four with an editor. they will be posted here through out the year. One is my winter holiday contest entry.

Apostrophes?

M.S.Tarot

Tow too Tow wit der Grimmer Nasties

MSTarot Please do not allow the hostility of the commentators trolling you to discourage future postings. I have often had to interpret my way through original historical source material. I have always found that reading such confusion outloud, actually helps clarify the writing.

As for trivial errors, I would hope we are smart enough to figure out what the author meant, are we not? More then most readers realize, many so-called mistakes are actually the result of the technology we use. And that damnable Supreme Court ruling requiring programmers to be illiterate!



New for Knew but dot not Rue the Queue...So who Grew the Gnu? Sue or Pru?
Spellcheck functions are homophone-phobic {per teapotty Congressional mandate}

Auto-correct functions that {by Executive Order} replace the author's original prose with the wrong word in the correct context can be accidentally hilarious.

These damn sadistic bastard authors, forcing the pitiful readers to have think. What a horrible activity to force upon your enfeebled intellects. Just enjoy the damn stories, already!

That this cacophony of machinery and web systems are able to deliver any kind of a coherent message to the end user, qualifies as a supra-natural miracle.

Try reading a letter or other original manuscript, from George Washington or Isaac Newton or any of their contemporaries. None could spell the same word twice on the same page. So fucking what! Comprehend and then get over it!

Noah Webster was a premature fascist and Thomas Dewey was a proto-nazis.

I enjoyed reading your story! Thank you for sharing it with us!
Keep doing your writing.

I would have added an extra star for the high quality of punctuation twats you seem to have attracted in the comments section, but for some reason there is only a maximum 5 star rating available. Sprinkle your apostrophe critique upon my sphincter, you've ignored a unique and well handled take on the Romance genre.

more?

will we get another chapter or epilogue? would love to hear what happens in the future, like a 5 years later kind of thing. great story.

Sweet!

This was a sweet and wonderful series! I wish I was him.

Yeah, OK, there were some technical problems, but ya know what? They had absolutely zero impact on my total enjoyment of this tale. Anyone really worked up about them should request a refund of monies paid for this entertainment posthaste!

VERY VERY NICE!

Really well done. THANK YOU!

I'm sure they were some errors in it someplace BUT I just auto-correct in my mind if they're not flagrant. I saw no flagrant.
I also would like to read another chapter or two to see how their careers & lives developed.

What a shit his father must be...

Nowhere did it imply anything about his father even ASKING him how he felt about the classes and whatnot.

Not meaning if he'd said he hated them that his father would have pulled him from them but at least he'd have had an idea whether his son was ENJOYING them - at least at first...

But loved the storyline...

Needs work.

I don't know if your home language is English or not,but, your spelling needs a lot of work and also the context of some of the sentences are changed with the wording being the way you have it. If you don't have an editor then get one, and also use spell check. Other than that I really enjoyed the story and the characters.

Different perspective

I come from the viewpoint of one whose father was initially ashamed of me being in dance and drama...but he held his tongue and watched me grow as an individual. It was the proper qualities of character that he was looking for, not my physical attributes. I never played football, thank the lord...but I did become someone whose character my father was proud of, as well as my mother. I very mcuh appreciated your story, it was similar to my own. Mine ended more sadly, but still...yours filled my heart with hope. Sincerely, Payenbrant

Did you ever notice...

...that for all the nay sayers to find all those errors they would have to have read the WHOLE story?

While I agree on the editor thing, and I can say that from experience after my first series, we are here for the fun of it. If they want perfect grammar and spelling go read an author that is being PAID thousands of dollars for his manuscript. And while i no longer go looking, almost every comment about spelling and grammar i had was either from an anonymous reader, or from a member that has no stories posted so take it as a sing of where the comment is coming from.

Romance

Just as I expected, it was a great romance story.

I'd love to see where they go from this point.

Keep writing...... ;-)

It needed one line at the end.

"Sandy?"
"Yes?"
"If anything ever happens that makes you think you've stopped loving me, ever, don't do anything before you tell me, so I can make us right. This is the real thing. I will love you past death, and I think you will to. But don't stop loving me, it'll ruin my life."

WHO DETERMINES RUIN

and what amounts to an outsider.. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sweet story

if your a gay pervert

WOW 1 * just to vote

Sorry can't be ANYTHING but thankful for my sweet Mom and the fact that she wasn't like the SORRY whore of a mom is this story about denise the (tranny?). well now he is twinkle toes and everybody loves him....supertranny???

poor excuses for women gays and ???

will just love this I'm sure. What a wimp and his mommy that wanted a daughter and GOT ONE!!!

Just like !!!

Just like higher education is not for everybody (my father never understood that the only thing I wanted out of school was me) being a 'Jock' is not for everybody either !!!

As some other commenters have said...

I too would love to see a chapter three. Although this chapter is a natural pause in the story, it doesn't feel like a conclusion. There just a few loose ends that I'd like to see cleared up.
1. His dad eating humble pie.
2. How his parent's marriage is affected, as it does seem to be on a slippery slope.
3. How married life agrees with Denis and Sandie.

Having said all that, I thought it was a wonderful story, it just needs a conclusion.

I agree with vertualatheist.

A third part would be welcome. I thought Neanderthals were extinct. Guess not. By a minor miracle, some have learned to read. Too bad that comprehension escapes them.

Very nice

Happy for both of them.
Why is it that most of the most negative comments sound like they could have come from his father or brothers.
If I could offer an alternative suggestion. His dad made such a big deal out getting an athletic scholarship so Denis could go to University. Mom took control and pulled him away from football, but anyone who has seriously studied dance knows it requires as much physical skill, strength, body control, if not more, than the traditional male sports. I wish, just to put a cap on the "I can't afford to send him to college" mentality, the scout had offered them full scholarships to Julliard, NYU, Hunter, or one of the other major universities. Paid internships on Broadway as they completed their MFAs would have been a perfect ending.

You've got to be kidding

After the wonderful build up in Chapter 1, the author completely ruined this story! There's no way these two novices are ready for marriage and his mother probably would have told him to forget it because the boy wasn't mature enough to consider it.
The party scene was totally unnecessary to the story and just delayed what should have been the best part.
Lastly the insemination of the girl is a vital part of having sex - and yet we're left wondering if it ever happened. Did he cum inside her or not - even though he had her permission? We're left with the idea that he just kept shoving it in and out - which sucks big time.

5 stars for the sweet story,

But no stars for spelling, grammar, and syntax. An editor is needed in the worst way.