Body switch stories can be very clever and interesting, but take a real talent to pull off. This chapter ended as the switcher discovered the fact, but not in a very interesting way. Should have brought out his feelings about it disbelief, terror, etc. So did sis take over his body in return? Is that Ch2? Hope it's better done.
I have agree with the previous comment: body-switch stories can be really good, or really bad. This took a long time to just leave us hanging, and I'm not certain which way it might be headed. I also hope that it's not one of those "Chapter One" orphans that are never continued.
There are several ways to proceed with what you've begun: Her girlfriend was grumpy, but didn't seem to be shocked. Are we to surmise that the two of them fool around to some extent? And what is the sister experiencing? It's only logical that both of them are going to be curious to experience what sex is like for the other gender. Ideally, they're going to want to confront one another with their new/old bodies to brainstorm what they're going to do. Will "Britney" cut her vacation short to return home, or is she going to remain in Florida? What's the sister doing in the mean time in her brother's body back home? Would Allison go back with her, and when she gets home, would she "assist" the pair? Would she want the real Britney to take "her" new cock "out for a test drive"? Also, if the brother (since you never revealed his name) remains in Florida, the aspect of him having sex with guys while in his sister's body might be kind of gay, which might appeal to some people, but would probably be a turnoff to the majority of your readers. (Since, statistically speaking, the majority of your readers are probably not gay themselves.)
Lots of potential, but also a big risk of blowing it if you're not careful.
by
Anonymous03/25/13
This story is really hot!!! Loved the panty sniffing I hope you continue to describe him smelling her ass and pussy In vivid detail!!! You have a real talent for writing about this fetish, please don't let it go to waste. Five stars and thanks for sharing this hot story, eagerly awaiting chapter two!!!
by
Anonymous03/26/13
stickler for the details.
3 paragraphs in and it's unbelieveable. The sister's 5'2' and plays varsity volleyball? "she had the body to match"?? Adjust the height or pick a believeable sport such as gymnastics, or make her 5' 10".
A high school girl with huge tits and ass playing volleyball. Lost me right there. I'd suggest you make your characters a bit realistic, even though this is fantasy.
English
Now What?
Body switch stories can be very clever and interesting, but take a real talent to pull off. This chapter ended as the switcher discovered the fact, but not in a very interesting way. Should have brought out his feelings about it disbelief, terror, etc. So did sis take over his body in return? Is that Ch2? Hope it's better done.
Why so brief?
I have agree with the previous comment: body-switch stories can be really good, or really bad. This took a long time to just leave us hanging, and I'm not certain which way it might be headed. I also hope that it's not one of those "Chapter One" orphans that are never continued.
There are several ways to proceed with what you've begun: Her girlfriend was grumpy, but didn't seem to be shocked. Are we to surmise that the two of them fool around to some extent? And what is the sister experiencing? It's only logical that both of them are going to be curious to experience what sex is like for the other gender. Ideally, they're going to want to confront one another with their new/old bodies to brainstorm what they're going to do. Will "Britney" cut her vacation short to return home, or is she going to remain in Florida? What's the sister doing in the mean time in her brother's body back home? Would Allison go back with her, and when she gets home, would she "assist" the pair? Would she want the real Britney to take "her" new cock "out for a test drive"? Also, if the brother (since you never revealed his name) remains in Florida, the aspect of him having sex with guys while in his sister's body might be kind of gay, which might appeal to some people, but would probably be a turnoff to the majority of your readers. (Since, statistically speaking, the majority of your readers are probably not gay themselves.)
Lots of potential, but also a big risk of blowing it if you're not careful.
This story is really hot!!! Loved the panty sniffing I hope you continue to describe him smelling her ass and pussy In vivid detail!!! You have a real talent for writing about this fetish, please don't let it go to waste. Five stars and thanks for sharing this hot story, eagerly awaiting chapter two!!!
stickler for the details.
3 paragraphs in and it's unbelieveable. The sister's 5'2' and plays varsity volleyball? "she had the body to match"?? Adjust the height or pick a believeable sport such as gymnastics, or make her 5' 10".
Obvious who the author is
A high school girl with huge tits and ass playing volleyball. Lost me right there. I'd suggest you make your characters a bit realistic, even though this is fantasy.
There's something wrong with you
Next time leave the sniffing part away and the smelling of piss ... bleah 🤕
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