Making Art with Mom Ch. 01

To Short...

not enough to read.

Greatest erotic story ever written. Ever!

Wow.

I have a feeling that this could have been compressed into a preface for a real story. But if you're going Multi-chapter it makes (a very dull story) sense.

Really was erratic and incoherent. He was looking at the junk in the barn and suddenly it's his mother masturbating? How the hell did that happen?

Clcihe'

Still a cliche' idea and it was a little erratic with him running into the barn and seeing his mom... but I actually read the whole page... It needs to be longer though, that's not a suitable chapter break... I think it will loose luster being a multi chapter story... People kill stories by making it go on and on to 10 15 20 chapters...Theres a reason professional writers kill off characters people!

Made no sense

Just like C2J2's post. If something has cliché, then it is clichéd. One day dumb Americans will get that.

That's an incest story?

Read a few others before you write more.

Confused

Continuity is a little skewed...
He was in the barn, then all of a sudden he is on the steps in the house looking at him mom in the bedroom. At first, I was thinking he was seeing her from his vantage point in the barn, but then you said you were on the steps... really confusing.

Also, like the others said, far too short of a chapter.

WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not a story, it's just a lot of words.Read a few stories, then start over but keep the story line going.........................GOOD LUCK and think INCEST.

hmmm

Sounds like it was getting good..finished ?