The Black Velcro Choker Redux

Certainly a change

This is, of course, is much different than Murphy's version but no more believable even if it better transcends what the majority of male readers would like to see. While it didn't make me as angry as the original it didn't satisfy either. Things that are worked out or happen as coincidence are not as satisfying as those that are logically worked through. So as far as having a case of VD and getting someone's balls smashed as an aside there is little to feel good about in regard to the blatant cheating. Even though I hated the plot and outcome the writing was good from Murphy so this story ended up being trite even though the outcome and plot were more agreeable.

Murphy sucks dicks.

This story is better, but thats not hard.

better

ending, but anybody with an I.Q. higher then ten could have had a better ending then the fool that wrote the original story.

A story?

Hardly.

An author's story . . .

. . . belongs to he or she. Sometimes permission is granted to extend. Some stories here go so far as to ask for the reading audience continue the story by providing plausible endings. Most stories, though, are pretty much self contained. Readers can approve or dis the original ending. The method and place for such commentary is in the section labelled of all things Comments.

I'm not at all sure this story should have been approved for posting, but that is not within my sphere of influence.

I preferred the original

It was more realistic and more erotic.

Boo Hiss

I didn't care for the original and obviously you didn't either. However, that does not give you free reign to hijack their story for a rewrite to fit your BTB needs.

A real man doesn't need to demonstrate this kind of snit. Grow up and move on.

Good Guy wins for a change

I am glad to read that the good guy can win and the cheated wife is burned.
One thing though, why would her lover ditch her unless he hope to some gain some of her divorce proceeds !

I find this a "much NEEDED touch" to a murphy621 story

You're going to have your haters, ignore the CLD's and have fun with this. They miss their little cucky lifestyle. 5 stars

Much Better Ending to a F*U* Story

This is a more equitable ending to the original F*U* story. This, coming from one who has been burned by the legal system. Luckily I had my own "Steele" of a law dog. BTB was too good for her. Also, too bad Miles just had his balls crushed. They should have been in a baggie hanging from his neck!!!

.

The original was utter crap. No points from me, for bringing it to my attention.

Can it get worse?

Yes it can. When a green fly tries to sweeten the fresh dump for the only purpose of giving the rest of the swarm of green flies more to feed on.

We liked it and much better ending than the original.

Way to go author.

Not usually a fan of BTB; but as fantasy it was pretty good.

Sadly the legal system is more likely to favor the results as per the first story instead of the second.

But one other issue is the conclusion. In the first story her lover was wealthy and intelligent. He would have been unlikely to put her in that position without anticipating and preparing for any and all contingencies.

This is why you write your own stories instead of copying someone else's. I mean really, if you're going to change fundamental aspects of the original story to suit your rewrite, rewrite the whole thing - your own story.

You've basically taken a lame cuck story and turned it into a lame BTB story. Why? Because both versions are nothing more than fantasy pandering to certain dynamics rather than engaging in quality story-telling. Rated 1* on both versions.. All characters involved in the first are unlikeable fools with an intact plot, while the plot in the second is plain broken with a marginally more likeable husband.

I consider this yet another good reason to hate both the Cuck and BTB brigades. Sinking perfectly good story concepts with their need to populate and dominate their poisoned world views.

Fun Read***

Still laughing.

I like this ending much better

I honestly cannot stand cheaters getting away without having to pay for the pain they have caused.

Burn the Bitch

Well your ending will make the "Burn the bitch" crowd happy but I still like my off beat ending better. I like to keep my readers surprised and the BTB boys irritated

Murphy

Better Ending

Of course you like your ending better Murph. No one else did, however. Anyone else want to take on this tale? I know other authors have different ideas. The bitch needs to be burned more than she was. Great first attempt at a tale Q. I look forward to more.

5 Stars

LOVED IT !!! Thank You for Writing

That's right "murphy621"

you keep on "pumping" out those RAAC / Cuck / Wimp stories ....... including your highly rated "The Black Velcro Choker" ... that would be the wildly successful "2.61" reader rated story of yours!!!! Oh and don't forget to "zip up" after you get off in your Cuck Closet.

much

better

Everyone knows murphy621 is a cluck-loving asshole.

Good flash story. Unlike the cluck-loving murphy621 who is still looking for the instruction manual on how to wipe his asshole after crapping.

A bit over simplified and lacking suspense or emotion, I thought. For your first effort it was still fairly well done. I hope you continue to post. Thanks for the read.

better

this is a more realistic ending. don't know about having a super lawyer for a friend but if he knew she was cheating it made sense to get pictures, and hire any lawyer to get him a decent deal. Good story

Excellent ending

I enjoyed your writing and especially the ending. Beat murphy621 hands down

Much Better

Love the Ending better

more

............

A little Walter Mitty divorce fable

Great tale a cheating skank gets her fair share. Her lover gives her his devotion and Charlie Tuna finally gets called by starkist. It doesn't get better than this.

Truly a very good story

And excellent writing. Please stay in this section and write us another one :)

great

The redux is truly better lol

Excellent

This redux was fantastic. Way to go. The whore got what she deserved. HERPES.

HA HA HA HA HA

better

a far better ending than on the original story

Yes Indeed

Much better ending. She admits to doing wrong to her marriage. Then expects the courts to reward her. Happens way to often in real life. This no fault shit has to go. Or at the least every marriage license should come with a prenup page 2.

I agree with the other comments

A much better ending

Well that was just great!

Your ending managed to turn a pile of garbage story into a good read! May all the bitches burn! My only problem now is that Murphy621 has SO many other stories that need this treatment. Can we expect you to continue righting the wrongs? LOL!
Well done.

CINCO ESTRELLAS

GOOD ONE.

BobbiNonTheCock go, go away, go and smoke your pantys, you creepy tranny !

SORRY CHARLIE

sometimes the courts do enjoy Star-Kissed pay offs, TK U MLJ LV NV

Lots of fun

Nothing like a Walt Disney fantasy... It was fun, while it lasted

Much better ending than the other one.

The last sentence was the icing on the cake.

The Black Velcro Choker

The original seems to have been pulled? Nice story, I like your problem solving plots!

* * * * *

B T B BRIGADES

*****

torchthebitch forever!

If

it would only happen this way 5*

Much better!

Hard to believe anyone could like the original.

Re-Read this fine tale

All's well that ends well.

OH YEAH

this is for lrrumatio

the reason you preferred the original is because you can sit at you computer pulling your pathetic little pee pee and imagine it is you fucking the skank slut because in reality you couldn't get fucked in a whore house on freebee night.

Yes!

How to take a pile of shit and turn it into gold. Well Done. Thanks for a terrific story ending.

YOU MAY GET WHAT YOU WANT

but not what you need or Had. TK U MLJ LV NV

Very nice!

Much better than the unrealistic piece of garbage by Murphy. Other than the horrible ending the other thing that bothered me in the Murphy original was in the very beginning when lover boy demands her name and phone number? I think 1000 out of 1000 women give the creep a false name and a wrong number and that the rest of the story never happened. The original story truly was a horrible story.