The Bar Maids

This is a lovely piece

It made me think of a line in TS Eliot's love song:

"In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo."

And has the same almost whimsical feeling of regret and lost opportunity.

A treat for Easter Monday. Bravo.

M

Curses!

There's a typo in line six of the final verse. *smacks head for not doing as I would be done by*. I even knew it was there but submitted the wron version.

A Dramatic Monologue!

And you know how I love those (being a fan of Robert Browning). This one is very evocative though I'm left wondering what the narrator's secret is: did he kill the bar maids or just sleep with them all, and if the latter, why should we--as readers--care? Am I reading too much into it? I feel like maybe there should be just a little more self-revelation on the narrator's part, maybe one more strophe. The end feels a bit abrupt. And yes a few typos, but they're easy to fix. :-)

I liked that the first two stanzas were in the present, but the last was past tense. It made me think of an old-timer who is beyond cavorting with the prostitutes but is getting his cheap thrills by talking about it to another barfly. Maybe this is where men and women might think differently about the poem. Unlike Angeline, I like the abrupt ending. In fact, I might've left out the last line for that reason.

5ed!!!!, where's Ash????

esp. liked:
with a prickle of arousal,
in the murky mud of memory.
Bonnie, all boney hips and sass,
Occasionally a student of obscure subjects
Now this is real interesting:
despairingly directionless
This is the kind of thing you do, that very few people do, so rightfully wrong, (or wrongfullly right) suffixing in just the right place, now you may have missed a play
one or two professionals-despairingly, need one?

1201 , thnx for mentionin' my name ;

But i don't think Tess will appreciate my name on her poem's comments .

Hey ash

leave some real comments, eh?
and R-E-A-D
for time spent on analysis
avoids the poetic paralysis
that you seemed to have succumbed
BTW, not true rhyme, I just liked the para-anal thingy, spanky, and here I am nit-picking my own comments, sad...