I like how you called the wife out on her totally rediculous and failed logic. Made me laugh. I do think I would have sued the best friend for blackmail, just to drag his name through the mud though. Even if there's no way it could stick.
by
Anonymous04/06/13
Just boring
Formulaic, unimaginative, abrupt, and ultimately uninteresting.
by
Anonymous04/06/13
Well, being one of the 'btb' crowd, i liked the synopsis
To me, this is what the story read like... a synopsis.
It was dry and mechanical in it's delivery, but still... I'm with you on the content.
Keep trying. It's still better than I do.
4 stars.
by
Anonymous04/06/13
terrible
for a person who gives everybody else advice on writing why are you so terrible.
by
Anonymous04/06/13
Try try try to find an editor. Please.
Glaring mistakes of logic. They've been married almost 20 years, both 40 years old and they are trying to decide when the time is right to have children. Uh huh...
Your story though and just my opinion.
Is there more, or is this it? You put in the description he acted; how? I sure hope there is another chapter to this...if not, it is nothing but a bunch of words on a page...it is certainly NOT a story!
ONCE AGAIN; A story has 3 parts; beginning, middle, and END!
If you want to just sit down and write a bunch of words, keep them to yourself so you don't waste our time!
by
Anonymous04/06/13
Funny posting
Done in a hurry to meet some kind of dead line of feeding the BTB sickos. But even they are pissed. The Angry Man title in LW made them slaver for a steak. You served then fried spam, one little slice. Very funny!
by
Anonymous04/06/13
To short a story, it needed more .
Story line was okay but the story came up short.how these. Ladies confessed about the other man blackmailing them for sex just about killed This story, is anyone that dumb.he losses it over two pusses lickin each other and dumps his cheating wife.
It's an incoherent mess. There is barely any story line, the characters are basically cardboard cutouts of people, and there isn't any real resolution of what little dramatic tension you manage to introduce.
I've read better stories written by ninth-graders. (Although, I will admit that the ninth-graders weren't trying to write erotica.)
You need an editor. Preferably one with jackboots, a bullwhip, and a meat-cleaver...
...and a great deal of patience.
by
Anonymous04/07/13
You're a good writer......
With that said, this was not one of your best works. Too short, not enough detail, and poorly put together. Don't let this set back bother you though.....even Shakespeare wrote poorly from time to time.
it is too short and lacks detail... I think it could be the skeleton of a swell tale!
by
Anonymous04/07/13
A Sad Waste of Time
When will people stop submitting "I hate my cheating wife" stories in the "Loving Wives" Section. No plot, little character development, very little redeeming about this silly little piece of fiction.
Most guys would love to see their wife making out with their best friend and his wife.
Sadly a complete wast of time and electronic storage space.
The anonymous who wrote "A sad waste of time" is a freak who is out of his fucking mind. He wrote that most men would love to see their wife making out with their best friend. This freak is from another planet and is a sad example of the perverts who stalk this site.
I take exception to Hawkeye's generalization about "perverts who stalk this site." Speaking as a pervert who stalks this site, I disagree with the comments of Anon-"Sad waste of time...," I don't think most of us would enjoy that very much, at all.
As for this story; i agree that it was more of an outline, with a compressed confrontation. Too many cliched reactions shooting out in all different directions at once. That said, I've tried to hold a conversation with 2 near-hysterical women before, and the words and streams of barely-consciousness they are attempting to convey can fly all over the place. But, here it was not effective.
The storyline is a standard dramatic cheating LW plot (which is okay, there are only so many original ideas), but, there is nothing to set this apart. It needed to be more developed to get us to care about the characters. It needed more emotional punch.
I love flash-stories, but this wasn't that. This was a full story that never got completely written.
And, I had a hard time with some of the run-on sentences. It needed more care with editing. I actually liked some of the descriptive writing, and the thought process of the protag was ultimately satisfying. I liked that the background was conveyed early, and with welcome brevity, but then the meat of the story was handled in such a conclusory manner....
Not even sure it was an appropriate title. Should have been called "A Decisive Man," "An Inflexible Man," or even "A Principaled Man."
Keep trying, there was a potentially good story in there.
by
Anonymous04/07/13
Simplistic
A story constructed like a child playing with tinker toys.
A bit too lifeless and trite. Him vacationing with his secretary was egregious, and not a good idea from a business perspective. Nobody would believe it was platonic. A nice twist IMO would be insisting on the other woman going on on the cruse for revenge fucking, After all they 'gave in ' to blackmail before, so he makes nice with her, fucks her for three weeks while he makes up his mind about the marriage. Gets everybody's hopes up for forgiveness and blah blah blah, and then back on shore dumps the two of them.
I'd have like that!
CHILLEY
by
Anonymous04/07/13
Hawkeye Doesn't Understand How to Conduct an Intelligent Debate
I'm amazed you frequent this site, after all, much of the writing on this site deals with what you seem to regard as disgusting sex. The problem with this story is that it lost touch with reality very early on. Good fiction, even erotic fiction needs to maintain a degree of believablity.
But the author expects us to believe a company would send a man and his secretary off on a cruise, in adjoining cabins. And then he expects us to believe the secretary and boss weren't involved. Sorry, Hawkeye, from my perspective, the story has all the marks of bad fiction, has little erotic value and definitely isn't literature, so why is it on "literotica:?
I liked Chilley's comment. His perception of the writing and his idea for working through it were good.
I found the story very... wooden. The conversation was stilted and artificial. I think, in real life, the journey from discovery to divorce proceedings would take a lot longer to work through. He loved her absolutely for 15 years. You can't end it that quickly without more descriptions of his motivations, their history, more evidence of her transgressions.
i liked this one. a touch flat but still a good read and entertaining. liked the fact that other husband was involved which fucked up the two women is not cheating argument.
The title of the story gave indication there would be more to the anger of the husband other than just he was upset. The blackmail aspect I found almost unbelievable as if you added that to support the wrongful actions of the wives.
And then, as most other readers have already commented, you just ended the story.
The story started well but then it just died.
Shame really as it was beginning to look interesting.
You've posted a good outline just wondering when you are going to write the story that goes along with it?
by
Anonymous05/15/13
I gave it a 2.
But that's because you didn't finish it. Good start but where's the ending?
by
Anonymous08/17/13
And and and???
It was a good start, a short middle and then you pushed us over the cliff with nothing. I liked the basic story but it seemed to me that it needed a LOT more to make it a good story.
by
Anonymous09/09/13
He should did a threesome.
Nigel should've fucked Ruby right there in front of Gloria then have a threesome. But really cheating on a husband with a man or woman is still the same. These two woman should've did a foursome a long time ago than having affair without the husbands now that was a dumbass move.
Usually I enjoy your writing and imaginative characterizations. But this story just left me remembering tantrums thrown by five year olds. I just cannot get my head around this story withhout wanting to spank all the characters involved!
But it seemed like you were late for an appointment when writing this one. You rushed through it way too quickly. Try to flesh out your stories a bit more.
please continue this story, was the wife gay or bi or what, why did she cheat on him?
by
Anonymous04/02/14
Incomplete
Need to finish the story. Seems like the ending is only half of the story...
by
Anonymous06/22/14
Finish it
What is wrong with all you writers who think it's clever to leave a story hanging like this. This had the beginning a really good plot, but , no, you either got lazy or had no idea how to complete it properly. If you can't finish then don't start it. 2**
Yes, many men (NOT all!), have threesome fantasies.
This does NOT mean that they would me OK with their wive cheating with another woman! Now, if she came to him and said that she and Ruby used to fool around when the were single, would she like to watch and maybe join in? He MAY have said "Yes."
The fact that the felt the need to give in to Bob's blackmail is proof that they KNEW it was wrong!
MattB, you leave too many of your stories hanging. You basically let Rob have a free pass in this one. Not much real anger here, the title doesn't work. First off all, the sheepskin should have been in the fireplace immediately. Then Rob should be arrested for blackmail if Nigel wasn't going to man up and cut off his ball.
by
Anonymous01/18/17
I agree with @ScorpioJJ
Only a bad writer, thinking he is a good one would write a shitty and unfinished story like this one.
English
LMAO!
I like how you called the wife out on her totally rediculous and failed logic. Made me laugh. I do think I would have sued the best friend for blackmail, just to drag his name through the mud though. Even if there's no way it could stick.
Just boring
Formulaic, unimaginative, abrupt, and ultimately uninteresting.
Well, being one of the 'btb' crowd, i liked the synopsis
To me, this is what the story read like... a synopsis.
It was dry and mechanical in it's delivery, but still... I'm with you on the content.
Keep trying. It's still better than I do.
4 stars.
terrible
for a person who gives everybody else advice on writing why are you so terrible.
Try try try to find an editor. Please.
Glaring mistakes of logic. They've been married almost 20 years, both 40 years old and they are trying to decide when the time is right to have children. Uh huh...
Your story though and just my opinion.
Good Tale
It could have been great. It just needed more detail.
A good story
But it seemed to be a little rushed.
Even though I thought the story felt like it was rushed, I still enjoyed it
Thanks for the read...
You got to be kidding me?
Is there more, or is this it? You put in the description he acted; how? I sure hope there is another chapter to this...if not, it is nothing but a bunch of words on a page...it is certainly NOT a story!
ONCE AGAIN; A story has 3 parts; beginning, middle, and END!
If you want to just sit down and write a bunch of words, keep them to yourself so you don't waste our time!
Funny posting
Done in a hurry to meet some kind of dead line of feeding the BTB sickos. But even they are pissed. The Angry Man title in LW made them slaver for a steak. You served then fried spam, one little slice. Very funny!
To short a story, it needed more .
Story line was okay but the story came up short.how these. Ladies confessed about the other man blackmailing them for sex just about killed This story, is anyone that dumb.he losses it over two pusses lickin each other and dumps his cheating wife.
It's**
A short read.
way too short.
It's way too short.
Not really a story.
It's more of a passing thought.
Calling this formulaic is being overly generous.
It's an incoherent mess. There is barely any story line, the characters are basically cardboard cutouts of people, and there isn't any real resolution of what little dramatic tension you manage to introduce.
I've read better stories written by ninth-graders. (Although, I will admit that the ninth-graders weren't trying to write erotica.)
You need an editor. Preferably one with jackboots, a bullwhip, and a meat-cleaver...
...and a great deal of patience.
You're a good writer......
With that said, this was not one of your best works. Too short, not enough detail, and poorly put together. Don't let this set back bother you though.....even Shakespeare wrote poorly from time to time.
the story line is interesting, but
it is too short and lacks detail... I think it could be the skeleton of a swell tale!
A Sad Waste of Time
When will people stop submitting "I hate my cheating wife" stories in the "Loving Wives" Section. No plot, little character development, very little redeeming about this silly little piece of fiction.
Most guys would love to see their wife making out with their best friend and his wife.
Sadly a complete wast of time and electronic storage space.
An Outline
Fleshed out story idea, not a story.
Asshole from another planet
The anonymous who wrote "A sad waste of time" is a freak who is out of his fucking mind. He wrote that most men would love to see their wife making out with their best friend. This freak is from another planet and is a sad example of the perverts who stalk this site.
Hey now!
I take exception to Hawkeye's generalization about "perverts who stalk this site." Speaking as a pervert who stalks this site, I disagree with the comments of Anon-"Sad waste of time...," I don't think most of us would enjoy that very much, at all.
As for this story; i agree that it was more of an outline, with a compressed confrontation. Too many cliched reactions shooting out in all different directions at once. That said, I've tried to hold a conversation with 2 near-hysterical women before, and the words and streams of barely-consciousness they are attempting to convey can fly all over the place. But, here it was not effective.
The storyline is a standard dramatic cheating LW plot (which is okay, there are only so many original ideas), but, there is nothing to set this apart. It needed to be more developed to get us to care about the characters. It needed more emotional punch.
I love flash-stories, but this wasn't that. This was a full story that never got completely written.
And, I had a hard time with some of the run-on sentences. It needed more care with editing. I actually liked some of the descriptive writing, and the thought process of the protag was ultimately satisfying. I liked that the background was conveyed early, and with welcome brevity, but then the meat of the story was handled in such a conclusory manner....
Not even sure it was an appropriate title. Should have been called "A Decisive Man," "An Inflexible Man," or even "A Principaled Man."
Keep trying, there was a potentially good story in there.
Simplistic
A story constructed like a child playing with tinker toys.
Could be better
It was an interesting story but if felt rushed and didn't flow very well and way to short for everything that happened in it.
Not your best
A bit too lifeless and trite. Him vacationing with his secretary was egregious, and not a good idea from a business perspective. Nobody would believe it was platonic. A nice twist IMO would be insisting on the other woman going on on the cruse for revenge fucking, After all they 'gave in ' to blackmail before, so he makes nice with her, fucks her for three weeks while he makes up his mind about the marriage. Gets everybody's hopes up for forgiveness and blah blah blah, and then back on shore dumps the two of them.
I'd have like that!
CHILLEY
Hawkeye Doesn't Understand How to Conduct an Intelligent Debate
I'm amazed you frequent this site, after all, much of the writing on this site deals with what you seem to regard as disgusting sex. The problem with this story is that it lost touch with reality very early on. Good fiction, even erotic fiction needs to maintain a degree of believablity.
But the author expects us to believe a company would send a man and his secretary off on a cruise, in adjoining cabins. And then he expects us to believe the secretary and boss weren't involved. Sorry, Hawkeye, from my perspective, the story has all the marks of bad fiction, has little erotic value and definitely isn't literature, so why is it on "literotica:?
Thanks Matt
Interesting story. Short and to the point. A lot of room for Part 2. Many thanks
Chilley
I liked Chilley's comment. His perception of the writing and his idea for working through it were good.
I found the story very... wooden. The conversation was stilted and artificial. I think, in real life, the journey from discovery to divorce proceedings would take a lot longer to work through. He loved her absolutely for 15 years. You can't end it that quickly without more descriptions of his motivations, their history, more evidence of her transgressions.
i liked this one. a touch flat but still a good read and entertaining. liked the fact that other husband was involved which fucked up the two women is not cheating argument.
Almost a story...
but more of a rant. IF it were a story it would have developed something in any of the characters for me to care about.
Story Title was Misleading
The title of the story gave indication there would be more to the anger of the husband other than just he was upset. The blackmail aspect I found almost unbelievable as if you added that to support the wrongful actions of the wives.
And then, as most other readers have already commented, you just ended the story.
The story started well but then it just died.
Shame really as it was beginning to look interesting.
Where is the Story?
You've posted a good outline just wondering when you are going to write the story that goes along with it?
I gave it a 2.
But that's because you didn't finish it. Good start but where's the ending?
And and and???
It was a good start, a short middle and then you pushed us over the cliff with nothing. I liked the basic story but it seemed to me that it needed a LOT more to make it a good story.
He should did a threesome.
Nigel should've fucked Ruby right there in front of Gloria then have a threesome. But really cheating on a husband with a man or woman is still the same. These two woman should've did a foursome a long time ago than having affair without the husbands now that was a dumbass move.
WHEN YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG
its always best to err on your side. TK U MLJ LV NV
Sorry Matt
Usually I enjoy your writing and imaginative characterizations. But this story just left me remembering tantrums thrown by five year olds. I just cannot get my head around this story withhout wanting to spank all the characters involved!
ok
But it seemed like you were late for an appointment when writing this one. You rushed through it way too quickly. Try to flesh out your stories a bit more.
continuation please
please continue this story, was the wife gay or bi or what, why did she cheat on him?
Incomplete
Need to finish the story. Seems like the ending is only half of the story...
Finish it
What is wrong with all you writers who think it's clever to leave a story hanging like this. This had the beginning a really good plot, but , no, you either got lazy or had no idea how to complete it properly. If you can't finish then don't start it. 2**
Gloria Is Wrong In So Many Ways!
Yes, many men (NOT all!), have threesome fantasies.
This does NOT mean that they would me OK with their wive cheating with another woman! Now, if she came to him and said that she and Ruby used to fool around when the were single, would she like to watch and maybe join in? He MAY have said "Yes."
The fact that the felt the need to give in to Bob's blackmail is proof that they KNEW it was wrong!
Evidently not too angry.
Seems to me that someone had a horrible ass kicking coming and unfortunately the poor cuckold husband was the one who got it. How typically British.
Yet another writer who doesn't finish what he starts.
A SERENDIPITY PLAN B or C
and an all new lifetime experiences. TK U MLJ LV NV
Finish your stories
MattB, you leave too many of your stories hanging. You basically let Rob have a free pass in this one. Not much real anger here, the title doesn't work. First off all, the sheepskin should have been in the fireplace immediately. Then Rob should be arrested for blackmail if Nigel wasn't going to man up and cut off his ball.
I agree with @ScorpioJJ
Only a bad writer, thinking he is a good one would write a shitty and unfinished story like this one.
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