College Roommates Meet Ch. 05

Lols I'm guessing that was an incriminating text from Theo Spencer just read. That's kinda rude he picked up & looked through his phone without his permission. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Good

Good Chapter. I like how content they are with each other. Especially Spencer and Jeff being naked!!lol.. I think checking his phone was nosy and crossing the line but Im dying to know what the text says....

' "Who the fuck still uses the word GRUB?" asked Devante.' - I think this sentence tells us what's wrong with the dialogue. You're trying so hard to sound cool that you're ending up sounding illiterate. LOTS of people use the word 'grub' - in countries all around the world. What you have here is people talking like morons because you think that having them talk like that puts them in the "in" group, while people who use words like 'grub' are in the "out" group. Your prejudices are messing up the storytelling, Tomthewriter - get this sorted. Your characters sound like inner-city thugs, not like college students. It's appropriate to write dialogue in the idiom that the characters would use, but you need to get that idiom RIGHT.