It was a good start, but there were some errors. Truth be told I prefer a longer story, one more about the story than just the sex. That's just me. A really good story tells about life. Think about a week worth of time. How many different events go on in that week that have nothing to do with sex, but make the story whole. Again, this is just my opinion, and others may see things differently. Keep writing, find an editor,and enjoy.
by
Anonymous07/20/16
Learn some basic spelling and grammar.
"Been" is the past participle of 'be'. It is not the proper spelling, contraction, or substitute for 'being'.
by
Anonymous07/20/16
Some people...
I have noticed that there are some people who just love to be critical and fail to see talent in the act they are being critical of.
I see talent in your story telling and my advice is that if you like/love what you do, then by all means do it. Don't ever give anyone the satisfaction of having even the slightest control over you. I just ignore them, you do just the same.
Can't wait for your next offering.
Sorry, it might be a good story but your writing is atrocious: grammar/spelling…seriously, you should take it down, get it proofed by someone and repost…I'm not trying to be rude, but honest.
The story line was good but the mistakes make it a little less enjoyable. Please don't be put off by this as I'd much rather read your stories even with mistake than have you not post your work. Agree with imsbilly as I also prefer longer stories with more supporting content. Possibly asking another author to proof read would help but whatever you do please keep writing :)
like someone is using voice rather than a keyboard to enter words into a story. The improper use of words is NOT the fault of the "typist" but of the PROGRAM and inability to find the incorrect wording, most of which is no longer taught in our schools. Also why the "voice to print" option is so popular in some areas.
Your story is excellent and the grammar didn't take that much away from it. So, hot that the nerdy brother and his hot sister have had sex, whether unintentional or not. She liked it and I am sure it will happen again soon and even her brother once he calms down and thinks about won't be pushing her away !! Can't wait for the next chapter. Thank you.
by
Anonymous07/22/16
Dreamland
Come on, get real eh, another 9" dick - the average is 6 1/2 to 6" plus he wasnt experienced in bed plus his sister was hot,mhe would have blown his lot in minutes man !!
Other than that, great story, enjoyed it but just try get more realistic yea :)
by
Anonymous07/23/16
WHAT MOST FORGET.....
What too many readers / commentators seem to forget is, most of these stories are submitted by amateurs, which makes not only for mistakes but 90% of the time
good reading , like a fine wood desk, a little better "because of" imperfections....... keep going, let us read the next chapter ;)
by
Anonymous07/26/16
Wow!!!!!
One of my faves of all time. Absolutely amazing! People get too upset about a few grammatical and spelling errrors. I thought the story was hot and very entertaining.. will re read again and looking forward to a follow up
Joey must be pretty dense, if he couldn't figure what just occurred between Emily and himself. She came on to him, and he did what came "natcherly" - what else? Afterward, she seemed happy, and he certainly wasn't complaining - even as she dominated him with her coffee order. 'Seems like all parties were satisfied, and looking for more.
Please, see with Literotica because, the link to chapther 02 of your story make us go to other Author.....
Thank you
Aunt Helena
by
Anonymous08/21/16
" I'm happy just been me." " so they were just been protective." Is your first language English? That should be "being." "...real difficult " REALLY difficult. You don't understand how to use punctuation either. Either learn English or get an editor. I can't read something that looks as though it were written by an illiterate.
by
Anonymous12/29/16
19 and 9?
Yeah... nice fantasy I suppose but it'd still be in the 6-7 range ;)
English
Get help
Needs an editor, badly.
Keep it up
It was a good story. I overlooked errors. A story is a story regardless of mistakes.
Nice start
It was a good start, but there were some errors. Truth be told I prefer a longer story, one more about the story than just the sex. That's just me. A really good story tells about life. Think about a week worth of time. How many different events go on in that week that have nothing to do with sex, but make the story whole. Again, this is just my opinion, and others may see things differently. Keep writing, find an editor,and enjoy.
Learn some basic spelling and grammar.
"Been" is the past participle of 'be'. It is not the proper spelling, contraction, or substitute for 'being'.
Some people...
I have noticed that there are some people who just love to be critical and fail to see talent in the act they are being critical of.
I see talent in your story telling and my advice is that if you like/love what you do, then by all means do it. Don't ever give anyone the satisfaction of having even the slightest control over you. I just ignore them, you do just the same.
Can't wait for your next offering.
Horrible to even attempt to read
Sorry, it might be a good story but your writing is atrocious: grammar/spelling…seriously, you should take it down, get it proofed by someone and repost…I'm not trying to be rude, but honest.
Good story line
The story line was good but the mistakes make it a little less enjoyable. Please don't be put off by this as I'd much rather read your stories even with mistake than have you not post your work. Agree with imsbilly as I also prefer longer stories with more supporting content. Possibly asking another author to proof read would help but whatever you do please keep writing :)
Sounds to me -
like someone is using voice rather than a keyboard to enter words into a story. The improper use of words is NOT the fault of the "typist" but of the PROGRAM and inability to find the incorrect wording, most of which is no longer taught in our schools. Also why the "voice to print" option is so popular in some areas.
Good story
The readers should be used to this by now. Please write more
Delicious
I'm soaking wet after reading this, and I need a nice hard cock to fill me up ;)
Your story is excellent and the grammar didn't take that much away from it. So, hot that the nerdy brother and his hot sister have had sex, whether unintentional or not. She liked it and I am sure it will happen again soon and even her brother once he calms down and thinks about won't be pushing her away !! Can't wait for the next chapter. Thank you.
Dreamland
Come on, get real eh, another 9" dick - the average is 6 1/2 to 6" plus he wasnt experienced in bed plus his sister was hot,mhe would have blown his lot in minutes man !!
Other than that, great story, enjoyed it but just try get more realistic yea :)
WHAT MOST FORGET.....
What too many readers / commentators seem to forget is, most of these stories are submitted by amateurs, which makes not only for mistakes but 90% of the time
good reading , like a fine wood desk, a little better "because of" imperfections....... keep going, let us read the next chapter ;)
Wow!!!!!
One of my faves of all time. Absolutely amazing! People get too upset about a few grammatical and spelling errrors. I thought the story was hot and very entertaining.. will re read again and looking forward to a follow up
"Wha Hoppen?"
Joey must be pretty dense, if he couldn't figure what just occurred between Emily and himself. She came on to him, and he did what came "natcherly" - what else? Afterward, she seemed happy, and he certainly wasn't complaining - even as she dominated him with her coffee order. 'Seems like all parties were satisfied, and looking for more.
Sister Pt 02 make us go to other author!
Please, see with Literotica because, the link to chapther 02 of your story make us go to other Author.....
Thank you
Aunt Helena
" I'm happy just been me." " so they were just been protective." Is your first language English? That should be "being." "...real difficult " REALLY difficult. You don't understand how to use punctuation either. Either learn English or get an editor. I can't read something that looks as though it were written by an illiterate.
19 and 9?
Yeah... nice fantasy I suppose but it'd still be in the 6-7 range ;)
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Sister or
More submissions by gothicsyn.