All Comments on 'King of Hearts'

Like being buried alive in boredom. Like a back hoe scooping up tons of trailer park trash words and dumping them on the reader. Not a single spark of interest anywhere.

You didn't really write this, did you?

Go back to your other styles.

It took me several tries to get through this today. This read like one of you more emotional pieces with the emotion removed and you attempted to pour in some raw corn syrup. Ugh. I need to grab some DG or Rhein to get my equilibrium back.

I enjoyed reading this one, but will probably avoid it from now on. I don't care much for stories told from the woman's pov, mostly due to the fact I cant find a reason to like a cheater. That said I still love "Beautiful Girls" and the shock in the beginning in finding out that the lead character being cheated on was a woman... by another woman. Anyways still enjoyable to read your story, keep up the great work. Oh and thanks to Mikothebaby for all her work.

At first it was annoying. A woman who chose to reject any type of standards to be her own individual loser. She turned her nose up at everything and everyone but added nothing to the world. She just existed. That's fine if that's how you want to live but it's nothing to be proud about.

I also strongly suspected that Ray didn't just up and leave. The revelation that she pulled a gang bang was a cheap plot trick. Her thought that it was "just sex" was absurd and pitiful. It also didn't fit her character. She hadn't been loose sexually before. (Her first time she was drunk)

The image of the "real bikers" as drunks and whores is simplistic and rubs the wrong way.

But then it got better. Ray and Angela had made a wonderful life for themselves and made a place for their friends as well. Including Christina if she wanted it. Christina grows up.

It was also an interesting approach that Ray, the wronged guy, was only a bit player that barely showed up in person. All his angst was presented by other characters but he had moved on. When he meets Christina it is a big nothing. Sure he probably has some old baggage but HE never exhibits it.

All in all it was a readable story.

After waiting for two weeks for another story from you, this one of the biggest letdowns that you have tried to feed us. Is you significant other penning her stories under your name? If this the case, please have start doing her own under her name. The majority of us that read your stories weekly don't care to read things that have been feminized. Women can always justify another womans cheating.

I never seem to know the right thing to say. What others think is crap, I sort of enjoyed.

First, it was a bit too long. BUT...at least you introduced the characters. I 'got' Christina and Ray...and that's the important thing.

I agree with jasonh that the sudden gangbang seems WAY out of left field. I think you tried to establish that she was 'hunting' for a way to stay in the lifestyle even as she wanted to not stay. It would have worked better if you played that angle.

I ended this story smiling. I guess the BTB crowd prefers to see the cheating wife end up as an AIDs infected prostitute who is also missing limbs and teeth.

But this felt...not so bad. She suffered for the mistakes made. Pain in instructive and she 'growed up' at the end.

Speaking of pain being instructive. I would suggest you superglue a thumb tack on your comma key. It might help. If nothing else, the blood pooling will eventually short out the key, so some good will come from it.

Great story. I'm usually a BTB guy, but everyone once in a while a happy ending is needed. Thanks for writing..

SS06,

This is a much better story than it seems people want to admit. No question, your ability to create memorable and even genuine characters works here. The problem is that by both point of view and primary story conflict, this is very out of character for you. Especially in light of the gap in your submissions.

Christina was in massive amounts of denial. It was clear from the first time we met Marcus. I envisioned your ending from the very beginning. I also figured out from Beth's tirade about Christina making her choice to stay in the life that Beth had to have played a significant part in why Ray left. All of that was standard SS06 stuff and handled well. We had Mustangs, a deceptively busty brilliant and amazingly beautiful replacement for the cheating spouse/girlfriend, some violence and a relatively happy ending for the cheated on guy. You even added on a cute kid.

The delay in the revelation of the cheating, the long build up of Christina as a relatively decent person, that was out of character for you. You wanted the reader to forgive her, to eventually cheer her on, but how you went about it was not effective. I do feel sympathy toward her, but only because she grew up and saw Marcus, not the whole Ray story.

And I also believe that the story could have been told in far fewer pages. Did we really need Alicia to show Christina's capacity for forgiveness, for growth? You could have done that with Beth and Marcus alone. Angela would have rounded it out and saved you maybe two pages right there.

I think the real problem is the supposed victim of the tale. Ray is a cypher in the story. Everything we know about him is through third parties: Christina and then Angela. Did we really experience his life, his pain? No. We got self interested versions of him from his significant others. Christina was in denial. Angela wanted her pound of flesh; there were other ways to tell the story of why Ray left. And let's face it, if he loved Christina as he claimed, how could he not know that she didn't want to leave the biker lifestyle? He should have talked that out with her more. Yes she , avoided talking about how she felt regarding his changes (lifestyle and physically), then lied to him and was still on birth control. But from her point of view, she was protecting herself. The gangbang was an abberation, as well as a set up. If he loved her, she would have figured that out. From what you gave us in writing, she wasn't a slut looking for another cock and she wasn't trying to hide her nature from him. I don't have a lot of sympathy for Ray as a result. You should have used his POV in there somewhere to remedy that.

Because of that, the story feels as if it is missing something. I applaud you for trying something different. But I agree with most comments, in my opinion this isn't your best work. Still liked it though.

Looking forward to your next effort. I could not put out the sheer volume of work, and good stories, you do so take my critique with a grain or two of salt.

Monolith

Way, way too long.

You went in a different direction this time and it was a little long winded but still worked. This was a development story about Christina and her life with Ray as the inspiration/goal that she was seeking. it was nice to see the ending and the growth of characters.

I realize that the majority of the readers come here for a quick story they can jack off to and also read about a woman, who screws up and loses everything of value in her life. But how many times can you read that? As a female, I read StangStars stories because there's always a good girl to balance out the amazingly stupid psychotic ex. This story was a pleasant surprise. I loved the fact that the man in the story moved on, found a new love and a great love and did it without comic book violence. Angela is my new hero. She has a totally feminine type of confidence and bravado. I also loved the fact that Christina grows as a person throughout the story and ends up in a good place. This was a very mature story and a big risk considering your audience.

Is holy shit,this is a real piece of writing.Yes,it focuses on Chrtistina but it is supposef to,it is her story,and I think some of the negatives are from readers who want the heroic suffering man and the bitch girl,and this wasn't it. I don't think the gangbang was out of left field,I think it was Christina trying to run away from growing up,'helping' beth was bs...the emotions were there and we see Christina grow up and realize she can be a person,an individual,as a grownup.She recognizes you can be an individual without being a face in the crowd,and thst the freedom of being a biker is actually more conformist then living in 'normal',society.

Stang,this showed some real talent, and quite honestly I think you could seriously do a book or novel,your writing has improved that.much...hmm,Machiaveli with a Mustang,perhaps?*lol*

as always I enjoy your character development. and as always I start to panic if I don't get a new story at the beginning of the week. :) also, like a junkie, I have started re-reading your works inbetween submissions. thanks again for the time and effort you put into your work for us.

Contrary to some of the readers, I actually liked this story. Christina was/is one of the least evil "cheating wives" in Stang's stories. Even the gangbang that made Ray leave was an aberration, not the norm.

Normally, I'm a BTB fan, but this doesn't really seem to read like a Loving Wives story. The central theme here is growing up. To me, this is a "coming of age" story, and I've always liked those.

Seriously though, "Everybody Loves Raymond"? Ugh, hate that show. XD

The first couple of pages I wondered what the HECK happened to SS06. I almost stopped reading and if I had I would have missed a HELL of a good story. From about page 3 on this was a GREAT story. There is some of Christina, Beth and some of the other bikers in so many of our young people today. They don't want to or refuse to grow up and always blame "the man" for their problems. How many people do we see who always blame others for their shortcomings and problems? This was a well written story that not only made you think but brought to mind just how difficult life and relationships can be. I enjoyed the ending when so many of the gang were assimilated into the company and became productive members of society.

WELL DONE SS06

At times I wondered why I was reading your stories. After a while, I saw your stories mature and grow. There were no awkward phrases or odd punctuation in this story. I an not sure who gets the credit, you or Mikobaby. I enjoyed this story, it developed nicely and I was surprised when the hero did not take Christina back, but was very happy and satisfied with his life. Then you allowed Christina to realize times and people change, hopefully for the better. At the end, the story was nicely wrapped up and ended up allowing all of us the feel warm and fuzzy. Thank you.

I have to agree with about 90% of what Monolith commented.

I think we get spoiled by you. If an unknown had posted this, people would rave about how wonderfully skilled you are and what a great tale it is. And, it is very well written. Just not as strong with this week's deviations as your norm.

Still love how well you drew me in to the story and kept me.

It felt more like a campfire tale than you usually share, but I honestly didn't care - it was a nice escape. A pleasure to read, Stang. Thanks!

As usual

Veeerrrrry Sloooow at first, I actually stopped reading it and decided a few days later to retry it again. Skipped very fast through a lot of parts one and two. Part 3 sucked me in. Great pace and deveopment, I did not correctly predict in my mind where it was going like I usually do, pretty much everything was a surprise and in the end think it's one the best I have ever read. Winds up being a great affirmation of humanity and personal growth. It brought a tear to this sentimental goat's eye.

Nice one!!!!!

Sorry seems alot of them didn't enjoy it. I enjoyed the plot and how it played out. Thats maybe why I enjoy reading your stories. They aren'y set in a pattern like some writers.

Dont know where these stories come from. I really enjoyed this one - good character development, interesting, and great ending. Stang and Miko rock!

Your best yet.

any thing

For years she can't understand why he left? Really? In all that time it never twigged that Ray took off the same day she was helping her friend entertain others? Really?

All in all, a pretty boring story made up of caricatures and stereotypes.

You had me at - "He hasn't even seen you yet, you psychotic whore," The rest was just so-so. Bikers and plumbers huh? Bikers and plumbers...what a world.

The story seemed real,the character were well thought and developed.Its different than your usual but good different.Anyways will wait for your stories next week.

Great author, but tales have gotten too difficult to follow.

It was interesting and has a lot of worthwhile characters in it. The problem is that the whole long story jumps out at you on the first page and there are no real surprises along the trip.

Long indeed, but definitely worth the ride!

As a romantic I felt like you dangled the carrot of reconciliation too long and then like Gallagher to a watermelon you smashed that carrot. I know it's getting difficult to come up with some new but please try and have your next story a reconciliation one. It can be done and your the man to do it. It was a good read just not for me.

I like the confidence in your voice, as you develop an idea and see it through. It is obvious that you set a theme, flesh out the idea, and wrap it up effectivly. Was this one too long? Are you relying on stereotypes to paint your characters? Should the cheater have suffered more? Well maybe......maybe not. I read this story in line with your last several, and continue to see the evolution of your talent. However THIS tale rates, nitpicking at its own strenghths and weakness, is a far cry from appreciating what you do here for the entertainment of us all. I appreciate it, and I thankyou everytime we get a new one. As much as the stories you write may differ or change, what stays the same, is a great author, fresh ideas, and a desire to keep going. Works for me!

Ok, this was mostly well written. There were parts out of left field and you gave the impression that C and R were going to reconcile because C finally grows up. But all of a sudden he's a coward who can't face her to tell her he's married. Other than the fact she cheated because she panicked, I have no sympathy for R. He ran away without giving her a piece of his mind and when she finally acknowledges her mistskes his 'perfect wife' says everything for him. COWARD!!!!! Hated Angela! She's a total waste of page space.

I love this story. What I liked most is how it shows that people can gro

and they get better as they age.! Xtina wasn't a slut the first time she

was both drunk and very jealous. The 2nd time was years later and

She was in a very confused emotional state. She also did it to keep

Her friend from getting her ass beat. Good story forget about the

H8rs

I like the fact that you've made the element of "cheating" in this story into a non-issue, more of that mold-breaking you seem to be working on, even if I wasn't too keen on watching the female protagonist take the blame for the original gang-rape. Fact is there are groups and subsets of culture that have absolutely no problem with "swinging" or open relationships that allow for multiple partners even where pseudo-territorial boundaries are raised. A guy can't exactly scream 'cheating' when he's done the same himself and hasn't seen fit to commit to popping the question. It's not a lifestyle I'd agree with or want to be a part of, but it is what it is and I like your depiction of it.

I do find his reaction rather strange though - he's still so much a part of his old lifestyle that he has no problem with not committing to marriage or having her cheat around on him, but he's broken-hearted over her not wanting to get pregnant even though it is a clear element of THAT life style that they don't want to be burdened with the crappings and trappings of the OTHER society - like children?

I don't really get it, but it doesn't break the story for me.

Talking to one's partner, both sides, matters more than anything. Assumptions are death to a relationship.

It's a great story and better for the fact that it's something a little different than your usual cheating stories. I like Loving Wife stories that are more about the loving element of the relationship as well as their counterparts even if I do enjoy the savor of a well-written BTB. Keep up the good work, and don't let the hosers and grinders bring you down with their "you used to be good" crap - because what you used to do was put out well-written stories that always seemed spin in place, in the rut of the Mustang's wheel, as it were. That's good if it's all a reader wants to read, and some do, but I like some variety and you are developing a skill for that as well.

Find a balance, if you still want to do some of the old stuff, because bringing in the new allows you to polish up the old and make it better.

I'd give you an extra star for putting up motorcycles over Mustangs too, but that's not an option. :)

I have no use for Ray, a rather pathetic fellow. Christine is way too common today. But I have never been one who only enjoyed stories about people I liked. It did take a bit to get into, but you get a 5 from me.

Still on top of your game. Great, great story.

Seriously think I need to stop reading other folks comments. Why is it so hard for some people to read and comprehend a story?

Anon 4/13, your comments about him are so off it's not even funny. He wanted marriage and kids, they weren't into the sharing or at least he wasn't.

Another Good one. Don't know if I also have comprehension problems also cause at the start the confrontation with Beth and Christine lead me to believe that she knew why King left, then when she talks to Angela it takes on a whole different tangent. Any ways another good read from the StangMan

I enjoyed your story, Stang, as I usually do, but I did see one serious mistake that I just have to point out. In chapter 3 the bikers are about 50 miles from South Carolina and near the end of their trip within "60 miles" of meeting up with Gonzo. I think that would make it clear that King and Gonzo lived in South Carolina. However, in chapter 6 you wrote about "It was going to be a sunny day, they almost always are along the gulf coast". After living in South Carolina for at least a couple of decades I was surprised to read that there was a "gulf coast" in that state. Your error may be minor, Stang, but to those who live or have lived in places other than Michigan, it becomes a blaring error. As one of my favorite authors, Louis L'amour, once revealed, he didn't write about any place without first visiting it. I think that's a good rule to follow and if you can't visit a place, at least study up on it.

I don't usually complain about length but this one did seem to drag on a bit. Also not the best attention to writing detail. For example, starting two successive sentences with the same words is annoying and not the usual maturity in writing you normally demonstrate. A good read and you waited as long as you could before dropping the big bomb. I do think that Christina would have identified Beth as the culprit sooner and by herself before actually talking to her in person.

As others have noted, it was a little long.

I had no preconceived notions that there was going to be a reconciliation. I could also tell there was more to it that Christina didn't want to acknowledge as far as why Ray left. Not so much that she didn't know. She just couldn't admit to herself there was even a possibility that Ray knew about the gangbang. Denial is an equal opportunity mind fuck.

To the commenter that alluded to Ray being hypocritical regarding the first gangbang. It was told that Ray hadn't had sex for ages and there was no sign of getting it soon from Christina. With no commitment from either side, he went to get his ashes hauled. Dumb luck that she found him. Christina wasn't strictly willing for her gangbang but she could be said to have some complicity due to her behaviour leading up to it.

Another dad tale of stupid woman not thinking beyond her pussy !

What should, and could have been if she thought things through !

Another one that had me holding back the emotions. Very good. From /41YO/AfroAmer/Male/Maine/

... I've never given one of your stories only 1 star, until today. Besides being way toooo loooong, the story seemed to be sort of pointless and definitely unrealistic. The fact that Christina so easily fell in love with Marcus after page after page of her supposedly being so lovesick behind Ray just seemed, in the end, to be especially stupid. As happens most times, a story written from a female point of view turns out horribly. Better luck next time.

What I liked the most about this story was the well developed characters. A lot of your stories the female characters are just stick figures with no depth or personality. Christina was a full three dimensional character.

With the years that were involved with Christina still in love with Ray and to suddenly switch to Marcus, I dont think that relationship is going anywhere in the long term. She never really indicated that there was ANY emotional attachment to Marcus other than he had taken over the club from Ray and because she had been Rays Marcus had continued to take care of her. Would seem to be a case of unrequited love. Marcus loved her but he was just another person that was the current leader of the club.

This is the first story of yours that I have given one star to. May your next story I read be better.

Let's start with a comment like "Sudden change in who Christina loves illogical" - who the hell ever equated love with logic??? But the transition totally fits in the story and you laid great foundation for it -

Marcus was loving and caring through out her ordeal - he was supportive and present - completely protective - his love was obvious. Her appreciation of him and what he has been doing is also obvious and the recent period shows her being more conscious of him and his efforts. She has the old unresolved issue to deal with - once she does (and shoe does with help) she is receptive to something that was already there - she has grown up, matured, changed herself and can accept what she could not before. It was a gradual process and SS set it up if you cared to see it.

SS does this pretty consistently when he writes and it is part of why I enjoy all of what he writes whether I would accept (in my reality) his outcomes or not. The endings are his and he is the only one with the right to decide how it works, you can like it or not - grace him on how he \gets there not whether or not you would have gone there IF you had taken the time to write it down in the first place and expose yourself to our criticism in the second place.

Through the first portion of the story, you had Christine say that she had an optional, she had the choice but if she thought Ray had abandoned her for no apparent reason and out of the blue, what choice was she talking about?

Your absolute best story ever!!! I wish there were 15 stars :).

I hate this one !

3 stars

This one made me cringe, shake my head in horror and cry. I Loved the ending!

9 pages , well written, great depth of plot, entertaining storyline, interesting characters.

the story works really well , ending was too sickly sweet for my taste.

but i voted it 5 stars on it's quality .. And not on my view of the events the story described.

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

The character(s) grew and changed.

The audiences' preconceptions were challenged.

The good guys and gals win in the end.

What more can you want?

Green-something

and its still not complete. TK U MLJ LV NV

Wow! What a story. Thank You.

(I can be a man of a few words)

Nope, it isn't just good it's damn good. Not sure how I missed this one until now but I did.

I lived the biker lifestyle after coming home from VN in 1968. Leaving it and moving on was hard.

and I'm currently enjoying it, but I had to stop and comment on something.

I know you had to put a Mustang in here somewhere...but his reasoning is because his bike isn't good for family transportation...so he gets a MUSTANG?!

best story for all who feel rudderless, or seeking a wake up call & dont know about it

5*

Really liked how this won ended up.

My mom tried that lifestyle when I was a kid. I hated it!

I got tough and have never lost a fight. I still like to ride occasionally but I never could stand for treating women like fucking whores!

I've read a lot of your works and liked most of them but this one turned me off. This story has weak characters in my opinion. Ray was weak and Christine is just too common. I didn't bother to read the entire story because it just holds no interest for me so I don't know if cheating was actually involved but it seemed the problem came from a lack of miscommunication. Ray just talked about his future but not once did he ask Christine if she wanted to be a part of it. Christine didn't say anything so it's on both of them

automatically give 1* where a white woman ends up throwing away her life with a mudbunny .

Loved it the whole way thru! Ignore the racist ass-pirates.

This story is so far beneath StangStar that I can't believe he'd waste his time and writing skill on it. Not to mention that the likelihood of something like what happens in the story happening in real life is probably something like one in ten million.

I gave it 2 stars. That's the lowest rating I've ever given one of Stang's stories.

Pretty realistic for most of biker shit

Like Beth you sure as hell don't need any enemies.

Christina pulling a gangbang was completely out of character.

Ending sucked. Wasted two hours of my life.

I didn’t read the whole story, in fact I only read the first page and gave up. It just wasn’t working for me. There might be a likable character in this story somewhere but the fools represented on the first page aren’t worth the cost of the air they breathe. I’ll just move along and find something more to my liking.

I've never read, gave it the normal (5)

My First Ex had a Friend like Beth .. I am so glad She is My Ex

Well deserved.

IR is gross

I skipped the last four pages to see how it ended. There is only so much angst and regret i can tolerate. I was disappointed that C and R didnt get back together. When Miracle Max asked Wesley what he had to live for that was so important, he answered True Love. Sometimes the sappy endings are best and I think it would have worked here.

Ray leaves her the very same day that she engages in a gangbang, and she doesn’t think those events are related? Nobody is that stupid.

Very good story. Thoroughly enjoyed. But I agree with “Anomymous’s” comment below. If Ray left her on the same day she did a gangbang to help a friend; she would have put-in two and two together as to why. Christina was written as very intelligent person. The flaw does NOT take anything away from a very good story. Again thank-you for your talent

Great story. I liked the ending. Alls well that ends well.

It was so boring I too skipped to the end. Not much there there.. I did learn from another comment that Chris pulled a train. Typical Stang story: perfect man who never has done a wrong in his entire life juxtaposed to the biggest POS woman in history. How do these men of perfection keep getting involved with trailer trash women?

Stang is getting more and more like JPB, you have to wade through five or six pure crap stories to get to a good one. Oh well, it’s worth what we pay for it.

Made no sense why she pulled a gangbang train. Zero sense. Doesn't fit her character. Nit a good story. And was quite boring.

I really enjoyed this one. But have to agree with the previous comments about not connecting the dots about why King left. I suspected she had sex with someone but not what happened. But it didn't spoil what I felt was a really well written story. BardnotBard

Meh. Another SS06 story where the wife does something completely irrational and blows up her life. Yes it is fiction, but her pulling a gangbang train was not remotely consistent with her character and she is somehow clueless why Kimg left on the very same day rhat she had the gamgbang. Wtf?

I love this story!!!!!!