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Once Before

byEd0613©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous03/01/06

hmmm...

Well I going to give it a 25, but I'll give you a little more. The flow of the story is too sporadic. I think you have some good ideas, you just need to develop them more. Let the reader appreciate each idea before you jump right into a other one. Also, I don't understand your title. There are a few typos and grammatical issues, but the main problem is that its too short. If you develop your ideas more, you should be able to fix that.

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