This is my very first story, and I am planning on its continuation very shortly. Sorry that I didn't preface that before I hit the submit button.
by
Anonymous04/20/13
You cut this story to short
Without letting us know what direction your going. It looks like the wife is going to cheat with the younger guy who is working with her. That is if you write a part 2. So goes another marriage.
by
Anonymous04/20/13
To Betrayed
She was described:
I AM married to a drop-dead gorgeous woman; Rochelle. She IS 5 foot 4 inches tall, a slim, trim 118 pounds, long beautiful dark brown hair that flows across her shoulders and subtle olive colored neck. Big deep brown eyes that pull you in with a bedroom look to them, and full luscious full lips that remind me of those of Angelina Jolie's. Her most amazing assets by far are her breasts; 34DDD's that we refer to as her "girls". You can see that with having a small frame and 34DDD's, she IS the amazing brunette that always turn men's heads as she passes.
I will wait to rate this and substantive comments until this is completed.
There is a bit of 'looseness' in the writing to this point. A lot of that may be explained by the author's explanation earlier. Hitting the 'send' button too soon. Tightness is achieved by going back over your work after it gets a little cold (2-3 days later) then figuring if each sentence fits with prior sentences AND subsequent sentences. Is there any way to say it simpler? Are names right? Is the time perspective consistent? Are there assumptions being made that need to be spelled out, rather than assumed? It takes time to make a tight, clear composition!
English
Alright
I guess I'll ask the question. Rochelle's transformation into what? Continue the tale.
Stay tuned...
This is my very first story, and I am planning on its continuation very shortly. Sorry that I didn't preface that before I hit the submit button.
You cut this story to short
Without letting us know what direction your going. It looks like the wife is going to cheat with the younger guy who is working with her. That is if you write a part 2. So goes another marriage.
To Betrayed
She was described:
I AM married to a drop-dead gorgeous woman; Rochelle. She IS 5 foot 4 inches tall, a slim, trim 118 pounds, long beautiful dark brown hair that flows across her shoulders and subtle olive colored neck. Big deep brown eyes that pull you in with a bedroom look to them, and full luscious full lips that remind me of those of Angelina Jolie's. Her most amazing assets by far are her breasts; 34DDD's that we refer to as her "girls". You can see that with having a small frame and 34DDD's, she IS the amazing brunette that always turn men's heads as she passes.
Waiting For Ch 02 **
Thanks for sharing.
Waiting
I will wait to rate this and substantive comments until this is completed.
There is a bit of 'looseness' in the writing to this point. A lot of that may be explained by the author's explanation earlier. Hitting the 'send' button too soon. Tightness is achieved by going back over your work after it gets a little cold (2-3 days later) then figuring if each sentence fits with prior sentences AND subsequent sentences. Is there any way to say it simpler? Are names right? Is the time perspective consistent? Are there assumptions being made that need to be spelled out, rather than assumed? It takes time to make a tight, clear composition!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Rochelle's Transformation Ch. 01 or
More submissions by EuphoricCouple.