this got me so wet. please do a part 2
I think that Kayleigh needs to take out her own frustrations on bratty little Hannah. Hold her down for Daddy...
3.94 Enough said.
Terrible written with poor grammar. The punctuation wouldn't pass a high school English class.
To be continued? No thanks.
Learn to write you suck at it go into another profession!!!!!!!!! Also I rated u 1 star for this shit of a story if there was a negative number you would have gotten that instead of 1 star
I think you had a great idea right up to the time Daddy turns mean. I know there are men like that, but I sincerely hope this was pure fiction and not based on your past. To be honest, you had me believing you were speaking from experience until the mean scene. Yes, work on a SECOND CHAPTER, but only after you study the writers resources available on Literotica, especially Strunk and White.
I'm not trying to be mean here; I'm giving you the same advice a reader once gave me, and I think my writing is improved because of it. I found your work as a result of your comment on another story. You gave it a bad review without offering any way you thought it could be improved. She answered back, apparently in an angry mood, but she did give some details on your grammar problems. You should carefully consider her words.
I hope you will remember how it feels for someone to say, "It's just a bunch of shit" without saying why, and you'll refrain from doing that. IF FOR NO OTHER REASON, REMEMBER--THESE PEOPLE VOTE ON YOUR STORIES AND PAYBACK IS HELL!
What the fuck, dude. Didn't your 7th grade English teacher ever let you know that a sentence ends with just one period? Seriously impossible to get into. Pull it down, man, pull it down!
Not knowing how to structure a sentence is a turn off.
Laughable it's so bad
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