All Comments on 'Audit Surprise Ch. 03'

by radk

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  • 290 Comments
frontlinecasterfrontlinecasteralmost 11 years ago
Fantastic

Shows her reaction to everything without excusing it, and she has to live with what she did. But it's not some hateful, angry rant from the btb crowd, it felt like both characters had real emotions. Five stars.

BTTapBTTapalmost 11 years ago
My impression of the ex-wife:

one weepy, weak bitch. Whatever work she had done to improve herself, she was mentally and emotionally completely unprepared to deal with a rapproachement with ex-hubby. This read a lot like a SS06 story, to me. Well written overall, this chapter was a little flat compared to the first chapter, especially.

hawkeye0007hawkeye0007almost 11 years ago
Whew!

What an ending... This ended the only way it could. The wife burned her bridges and there would be no return. Even though I'm a burn the bitch kind of guy, I couldn't help feeling sorry for her. She was truly remorseful, however, she murdered her husbands heart and any love he once held for her. Her soul must forever bear the burden of the destruction she caused. It is indeed true that consequences are a bitch. I wonder if my ex wife ever felt such remorse?

kakashi524kakashi524almost 11 years ago
Interesting way to end the story

I found the story to be interesting, the ending way good yet I can't say I liked it as much as Ch.01. It might be because once again it was writing from the wife's POV.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbylovealmost 11 years ago
Excellent

Perfect ending. It wasn't so much of a revenge tale but more of a consequences tale. She cheated and fucked up badly and now she finally understands the consequences of her indiscretions and disrespect. I wish I had this chance in my life. Anybody who scores this less than 5 stars doesn't understand life. Brilliant tale. Thanks.

Richie4110Richie4110almost 11 years ago
Well Done

I can only echo what others have said and that your ending was perfect and complete.

Thank you for this effort and I hope to see another story from you soon

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Perfect.

That one word is all that is need to describe it.

cantbuymycantbuymyalmost 11 years ago

ok, no cuckie here.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Strong resolve

But it wouldv'e been devishly fun to take her back in some form of sexual servitude. ( evil laugh)

karan9876karan9876almost 11 years ago
Nice but he could have been stronger.

Nice story. Glad they did not get back together but he could have been stronger. He called himself cowardly when he was not. He gave her, her share (22K)

She deserved more BTB considering what she had done. For all those saying she is sorry and truly remorseful is bullshit. How does that even matter? She did what she did and she deserved to be punished. Period.

LickideesplitLickideesplitalmost 11 years ago
One-finger salute

Nicely done Ex-Sweetie apology speech and his termination speech. What will stick with me most, however, is the image of all his friends saying 'adios' with each one's middle finger rampant!

WanderingaimlesslyWanderingaimlesslyalmost 11 years ago
Cool

He didn't have to be macho he had a personal assault team waiting for round 2.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
She Lied Again

Umm, didn't she basically love Tom? They made love (her words), not had sex. Telling Marty that she never loved them, and that they never made her feel like he did was a lie (of omission). Tom gave her the best orgasms of her life (her words again). She implies that Marty did that in her explanation, at the very least.

Still a lying and selfish woman, to the end.

This ended the way it needed to, but he was way too willing to take the blame for things she set in motion. And I think the story would have been better served with two points of view here. Marty's happiness with his current life could have improved the ending, as much as the unified finger did.

Also, if part two was missing, this story would be just as good. Just my .02 cents. Her rehash did nothing but make her look worse.

john1946john1946almost 11 years ago
OK

What a great ending to the story....With class....Thank you

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Redemption

While I like to see a good redemption story where love conquers all, there are cases when someone goes too far and redemption is out of the question. She went too far and put herself ahead of the people she harmed. Putting herself first is not the kind of woman Marty should end up with.

SirThopasSirThopasalmost 11 years ago
Hmm

Part one was emotionally gripping, and had a degree of personality that most of the stuff showing up now lacks. Take that as the highest compliment I might pay a story. Part two, though, felt unnecessary, and part three didn't really bring any insights or motion that a 500 word addition to part one would have done.

Extended length format is effective for redeeming reconciliation stories, multi-layered tales involving subplots and villains, and for elaborately schemed revenge. Without any of those, it's really just length without girth.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
so what do we know now

the man is mentally week, lazy, as all his troupes do the work at work, have all a family and do the work and don't let him down eventhough he is not capable of survival, and do again work. so how come he earned all this ? a real question. but maybe we should ask all this women who have not learned to forgive and still cary the hate he has overcome.

she is as week as he is and for whatever reason but in the end she can at least say: I all did it myself.

I hate to say it, she is the fitter person in this story and eventhough I have had pitty with the guy. the longer the story went on, the less I had. he is bonless and even killed his father with his mental instability and no will to change it. no fight , no nothing.

subsequently to this story, kind off the day after I rather have her company than his. you can't count on him, not in private and not for work. I wonder how he got to be a boss.

this is my audit and a very unfortunate surprise is the result.

lonewolf3307lonewolf3307almost 11 years ago
Well, you certainly fooled me...

... I thought this one had reconciliation written all over it. A pleasant surprise, indeed.

LancerInLALancerInLAalmost 11 years ago
Still a bit of a lie

You said in chapter 2, she made love to the big dicked manager (Tom). So, she can not even admit that in her confession. Pity. It is still all about her.

"While I sucked that monstrosity I noticed something odd. I was dripping wet between my legs. So much so that I felt something running down my thigh. Tom's huge cock turned me on and I wanted it inside me down there."

"He took me to heaven."

Too bad you did not have her recite this to Marty. It was her truth.

I loved chapter 1. Chapters 2 and 3, not so much. Would love to have Marty's thoughts like in chapter 1 for what happened "after", and in time/pace as the rest. The end recap he gave felt hollow.

Val

OneShotOneOneShotOnealmost 11 years ago
Excellent

A really fine ending. No reconciliation but a good resolution.

C_frommnC_frommnalmost 11 years ago
Great Ending

Like the way the story went. and the Send off was Right On.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Still no need for Ch.2&3.

It was good in ch.1. You should've stopped at that.

And all three chapters are not standalone.

Anyway, could have been one of your best, either if you've stopped at ch.1, or taken the story along somewhere, anywhere, in subsequent chapters.

I cant help feeling pity for the wife.

K.

India.

chastenchastenalmost 11 years ago
The ending

I rather liked the ending, although I'm not sure it's for a reason you intended. She wasn't honest at the end...at least, based upon what you told us in earlier chapters. Most specifically about the lover who was well hung and how she felt with him, but in other little ways as well. So, even though I'm not usually a fan of total BTB, I like that he got closure and she didn't.

gatorhermitgatorhermitalmost 11 years ago
Interesting Wrap-up

I agree with Hawkeye - by the end, my sympathies were with the wife, as she (1) recognized that the damage done was her fault and she had the horsepower to get help figuring out why she did what she did and she took responsibility for it, (2) she was genuinely repentant, (3) she made a credible attempt to apologize to her husband [IMHO the other perps deserved no apology], and (4) we've all fucked things up at one point in time and done stupid things that we regretted. She too needs to move on with her life. The line of people fingering her at the end was unnecessary - she was already broken - that was just mean - perhaps he doesn't deserve the new person she has become. I'd rather have had an epilogue that she did move on and find somebody else with a sobering lesson learned and applied. And I'm usually a BTB kind of guy. Great writing, though - I think radk is one of the best writers on the site.

DunaDunaalmost 11 years ago
The wise winner is generouse

I like the generouse end, when the winner stopped to be unnecessary cruel. The good generouse end to increase the triumph value. He found the second chance, because this fits well the Loving Wife definition: the "Extramarital fun" for the betrayed husband to get rid of the cheating wife, to find a better second chance woman and if it may be a revenge.............

kelchakelchaalmost 11 years ago
Not Too Shabby

She is still a liar. Tom took her to heaven with his really really big one and it was the best sex she had ever experienced. Her cock worship for Tom is suddenly forgotten?

I am pretty sure most people are sorry as they take their punishment. Big deal. That doesn't do a damn thing for hubby, does it. That finger shit was an unconcious thing on her part and reveals some of the real her.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Mission Impossible III

After the great Chapter 1, it would indeed be very difficult to match that quality in subsequent chapters. Chapter 3 is stronger than 2, but it fails to capture the magic on your initial chapter. Your ending is logically and emotionally valid given Sheryl's actions and disrespect and Marty's painful reactions to her selfish disregard for their marital commitment.

Marty is rightly moving on with his life after suffering a tragic shock to his feelings for the woman he so deeply loved. It will not be easy to regain trust and faith in another wife, but he is on the road to recovery.

Sheryl is still stuck in a make-believe world where her "love" for her husband was not lessened by her sex with four other men. She has not yet realized that she could never have acted as she did if she truly loved Marty. Her return to reconcile with Marty was a fool's errand (and evidence her therapy had not yet led her to real self-understanding.) Your ironic ending provides the painful realization that could just help Sheryl to overcome her past self-centered decisions and be a truly loving, faithful wife in her future relationships. At least that is no longer an impossible mission for her.

Lord_GroLord_Groalmost 11 years ago
Okay at best.

I wasn't expecting any particular outcome when I read this; I just wanted to see where you were going with the story. The actual resolution was fairly predictable, given Part 1.

On the whole I'd say that this installment was just as weak as Part 2, and didn't improve the story all that much. Had Part 1 been a stand-alone story, I'd have given it a 4 or a 5. As it is, the whole story is no better than average.

I might recommend that you get a second reader who will give you their honest opinion about a story's worth. It's not the same as having an editor, although a good editor would have pointed out the flaws with Parts 2 and 3 as well.

This has been one of those cases where less would have been better than more.

Harryin VAHarryin VAalmost 11 years ago
GatorHermit what story did YOU read? It certainly was not this one

You cannot be remorseful if you are still telling fucking lies. I don't know which is Harder to do here. Keeping track of idiotic reasoning that you -- GATORHERMIT -- have shown in your post or keep track of how many lies excuses rationalizations Sheryl told herself ...the reader ..and Marty.

But clearly one of the biggest Lies is her assertions that she actually did NOT love any of the other men she was fucking . Clearly that was not the case with her relationship with Tom. She made it very clear that the sex and emotional connection that she had with him was the greatest sex she ever had... Far exceeding anything that she had with Marty.

Of course Marty does not know this but the point here is that we... as the Reader DO know the truth here. So we know that her assertions about " it was just sex" is NOT accurate.

This leads to a much bigger problem because her entire premise for visiting Mary is that she has learned so much about herself ... Her motivations .. what reality is and what the truth is. Yet if Sheryl is telling herself - and the reader-- this WHOPPER of a lie.

Ergo... she is not truly remorseful and she does not deserves a second chance at all.

SECOND... Her explanation about the FUCK YOU finger actions reveal so much about a deeply disturbed woman... That to give her second chance would be a sign of equal mental instability.

It is so not that giving Marty the "FUCK YOU Finger" per se that was so bad... (although that is pretty horrible in and of itself). Rather it is that the wife clearly admits that Marty did nothing wrong and she was purposely willing to twist her mind around into making an innocent man evil and bad and cruel... in order to justify her sexual deviancy and fantasies .

She COULD have simply realize what she was doing and stopped the actions. At some point ... there COULD have been something inside Sheryl that got her to realize what she was doing . How dangerous it was to herself and to their marriage ...how immoral it was to the marriage and to Marty ... and how exceptionally cruel and disrespectful it was

.

Instead she decided to continue to do this because she lacked the character ... the intelligence ... then wisdom and the integrity to make that decision.

Quite frankly who gives a fuck if she is crying a lot?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Thanks be

Really glad he didn't take her back, honestly I think he'll have a much better life without her. Considering all she did her claims of 'loving' him don't ring true, her kind of love people can do without.

BobNbobbiBobNbobbialmost 11 years ago
Closure . . .

. . . Complete. A well told tale overall and a very good close out chapter.. Divorce needs be honest and complete, but it doesn't have to be vengeful and ugly. Yes, she wanted forgiveness and acceptance. All she got was forgiveness. Both must look to a new future on their own path.

RADK has done a great job closing this story. It was painful at times; I think the frenchies call that ce la vi.

sugnasugnaalmost 11 years ago
good story 5*

Good story, a little over the top with the discovery and the mission impossible retribution sequence. Emotionally realistic, but Marty should really have explained to his ex that while he forgave her, she was a sick, twisted, selfish person. He was lucky to be free of her and hoped that she would get better. He on the other hand was moving on with his life. She had lost what was important in life - Good luck loser! (it is okay to be mean, as long as it is part of being honest with a person who has done terrible things.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Critcize

Lord Gro you don't write well enough to criticize this story. The only one you've written could score close to a 4.0. I don't think the author should listen to a damned thing you say.

imhaplessimhaplessalmost 11 years ago
Well done -- but not real life moral or legal accountability

This story was very well written and the author had every right to moralize it as he saw fit. It was wonderful fiction.

I do have a comment for those who take moralizing in stories seriously, though. Sheryl was NOT the one who wrecked a doxzen lives. She wrecked her own and Marty's, but not that of anyone else. The four asshole guys were the ones who did that. They are both morally AND legally responsible. In real life she could have cleaned their, and Enterprise's, clocks with a sexual harassment suit; she wouldn't have gotten only a moderate settlement. Anyone who blamed her for hurting the guys and their families has a misplaced sense of right and wrong.

By the way, why didn't she try to find and hook up with Tom after Marty rejected her? Her life goes on too!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
well betrayedbylove

I understand life as well as sex, and gave this a 1*. Marty was such a silly wimp. All he had to do at end of chapt. 1 was stamp his little foot in a hissy, and go prissing away. Eliminate all the drivil that followed.

Danger09Danger09almost 11 years ago
LMAO!! Ha!

Lol, I thought the ending was euphoric ! Especially with everybody flipping her off all at once! Ha! I was holding my breath praying Marty didn't fall for the line of bullshit she was spewing. She still seemed & sound totally selfish, it was still about what she wants , what she needs, how she can make her self feel better---I , I , I -- case in point

I wanted to tell him how so deeply sorry I was. I wanted to confess all my sins. I wanted to lie prostrate on the deck, kiss his feet, and beg his forgiveness. I wanted to tell him how much I still loved him. I wanted to tell him everything in my heart. But I didn't know how to begin. I came a thousand miles to see him and now that I was sitting across from him I couldn't say anything.

Her explanation didn't help him, it helped her, he already knew when, how & most importantly why she started whoring herself out for a promotion that she already was going to get, so her explanation didn't help him. The question about giving him the finger after getting off the phone seems half true, it might've started off being play-acting but in the end she did it because she was really annoyed that he was calling her & interrupting her orgasm. She also lied when she said her orgasms wasn't better with the managers than they were with him--which was bullshit, if I remember correctly ; Tom & her made love, it was THE BEST orgasm she's ever had. So I'm confused as to why she was trying to get him back but lied to him & herself? I don't think she knows or understand what love & marriage means, if she loved Marty & if she loved her marriage, their life together and was looking forward to all the plans they made for their future--there's no way she would've whored herself out for a job that didn't define who she was & who Marty was, Marty didn't give a fuck if she got the managers position or not, he would've still loved her. Her job was MORE important to her than Marty, she said it throughout her POV that nothing was going to stand in way of her getting that promotion. That's not love! That's a selfish trick. She wanted to fuck those men, the promotion at the end just became icing on the cake. I'd like to know if Marty was the one who betrayed her like this if she'd be so willing to forgive & forget & go back to the way things were?! I think not. She's lonely, she lost the job that she threw her marriage away for & now she wants the husband she shitted on in the process, it never once entered her mind that he might not love her anymore, it never once entered her mind that he'd find someone who truly did love him. It was all about her tired of being lonely. The thing that irks me about her is her selfishness, she only thinks about herself, she jumps on a plane on a mission to get Marty back without factoring in he might not want her skankyass back. She seems to do things without really thinking about them, first it was pimping her body out for a promotion even though she weighed the pros & cons she really didn't think straight, and now it's popping her gutter trash ass into his life & disturbing shit. I'm glad Marty moved on, I'm glad he finally realize the bitch wasn't worth the tears & the depression. I don't believe her for a second when she told Marty that the sex was going to stop when she secured the promotion, she enjoyed it way too muc-- at least with Tom. she plotted & plan what she was going to wear to her "meetings" with the guys, she kissed them, if this was all about the promotion feelings wouldn't of got involve, kissing is an act of intimacy. This story was great. He didn't scorch the whore, but he did do something much much worst, he stopped loving her. For the rest of her lonely miserable life she'll remember what she threw away.

bruce22bruce22almost 11 years ago
As usual interesting .

No where near as moving as chapter one. She only thinks that she is being honest, but is all to do with the prize she wants just as it was in the first chapter. I admit that after reading chapter 2 , I considered Tom as a possible out of her misery. Not a good idea though since it would only remind each other of their unhappiness. She should have made a clean break and forgotten Marty, which to a certain degree was where her problems started. You set 'em up radk and I'll enjoy myself...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Glad to see he did not wimp out and take the horrible slut back.

You can't erase the bad stuff, so move on and start over. Well done author.

Huedogg2Huedogg2almost 11 years ago
Now this is what I call "FUCKING GREAT STORY"

RADK, you out did yourself on this one. Somebody get this man a book deal. This is what I call a page turner. Out "fucking" standing. 25 thousand stars

disturbedhrtdisturbedhrtalmost 11 years ago
great job

had a vision of her pulling a gun out of her purse and blowing her head off but this was a good ending

FireFox59FireFox59almost 11 years ago
Good Job

Really good story. While Chapter 1 was the best and hard to follow up with overall good read. Looking forward to more from you.

FD45FD45almost 11 years ago
You gave me an ephipany.

One of the tropes of LW fiction is 'the big black bull' who is going to steal whe wife's heart...or at least her vagina. It is a distinct story about white male insecurities.

I say this to be amused at THIS story...which is preying upon white female insecurities: the Yellow Peril!

Them evil Asian Bitches who are more then willing to slip in and take their husbands by unfairly giving them sex, respect, affection, food, and work...all without any attitude or 'self respect'. Unfair marital practices! Obama ought to write a law!

So beware women everywhere! Yan can cook...and your husband will eat it up!

Sorry for the threadjack.

First story engaged me. Second story was a bit boring, sorry to say. Third part...the only interesting thing were the efforts she took to find her husband. Nice thinking on her part.

I found the man a bit weak frankly. Nice that he had such good friends. I got a fist pump out of that. But still...at a certain point, he should be able to stand up for himself. In this story, he needs a troop of people to take care of him.

So this didn't add much...but it was a nice finish.

SparksWillFlySparksWillFlyalmost 11 years ago
Good Stuff As Usual

My ex didn't cheat in as dramatic a fashion, but it was for a longer time and with one lover. In many ways, this is even more devestating. The feelings you describe are authentic, in spite of what some commenters say. He had his father and group of friends; I had two years of therapy. My ex was never as remorseful and never really understood what she did to me. She is back to her narcissistic as she was with me in her new life (my boys are great spies). Like Marty, my life got better and I'm a better person this time around.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
i disagree

This is a fantastic story.I do agree that Marty is a wimp of the utmost degree as his team did all the work and he is still letting the other bitches run his life. If they are married then why are they spending all their time with him and not their families. Friendship is good but this is sickening what these people are doing. It is not their place to shield him from Sheryl. That is his job. I do like the BTB stories and this is probably one of them but I also know that when people make mistakes that they deserve another chance. She explained the finger to the phone and even though she said Tom gave her the best sex she ever had she did not say he gave her love. She realized her mistake and if Marty would search his soul without the outside influence he would most likely give her another chance. I would with stipulations and i am a hard ass by nature. He needs to send his friends to the background and he needs to stop being a wimp and be a man. Five stars for the story. but one for the ending with all these people flipping her off. That is so petty.

Drbeamer3333Drbeamer3333almost 11 years ago
She is lying

I can't believe she had the audacity to lie to him:

"I hope you believe me when I tell you that all the sex I had with those men didn't mean half as much as one night in your loving arms."

"I'll admit I had orgasms with them from time to time ..."

"Three of them used me for their own pleasure without any regard for my feelings, one was kind and giving. I have to tell you that I enjoyed being with him but it wasn't the same as being with you."

"I felt guilty as hell every time I touched one of those guys."

All statements that don't match the facts of the last chapter. When she was masterbating in the tub her mind drifted from her husband to Tom. When she was ready for the big O, she thought of Tom.

Hubby didn't know this of course, so he believes her. Thank god he had the cojones to not take her back. He couldn't. It was that little finger that told the most. How fitting the friends gave it to her at the end. Nice touch.

Thanks for the good tale.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
To the two anonymous posters...

...one who said that the husband is mentally weak, the other who called him a silly wimp:

You may have been lucky enough never to have been cheated on, or you may be two of the legion of cheaters.

As a therapist, I work with people who have been betrayed in varous ways-financially, emotionally, sexually, etc. What I have learned is that the only thing superceding the pain of your spouse cheating on you is the loss of a child.

A lot of people who were previously the "strong" one in their marriage and who did everything right end up on antidepressants and sleep medications for six months, to deal with the shock, the pain, and the fact that their lives are turned upside down in many ways. They never saw it coming; the person they thought they married would never do something like this. By six months, the anger takes hold, and they start lashing out, not always in a healthy way. And at that point, many of them still have a divorce to finish getting through.

That is why there are so many men in this section so upset with the way stories are told. It doesn't help that when the divorce laws were changed, because in most states there is no legal punishment for cheating, too many people think of cheating as almost a victimless crime. So the betrayed don't always find a lot of sympathy out there. So many of them need to live variously, through revenge stories, or through those whose lives resolve better than theirs.

I have begun to think that maybe there should be a legal punishment for cheating. People can go to court and seek reparations when other kinds of contracts are broken, so why not the marriage contract? In any other situation, if you were damaged by someone's negligent behavior, you could sue them for "Intentional/Unintentional Infliction of Emotional Distress". Why not when your spouse purposefully lies, cheats, and steals from the marriage?

Also, everyone needs a support network in there lives, but especially during times of stress. I have no problem with the ways his friends at work rallied around him. While he could be calm, forgive and not hurt his ex, because he was in a better space at the end, the friends giving her the finger was their way of telling her what they thought of her too, and to stay away from him. They want to protect him from her. So what? They saw all the damage she did and helped him pick up the pieces. It makes sense.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
The real test of strength...

is to rise up from the ashes and live again.

Marty as a wimp? Hardly.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Surprised

I've just got a problem with the story structure. Chapter 1 introduced a whole lot of characters - & then they just disappeared. Why go to all of the trouble of describing his audit team in such detail if you are then going to simply drop them from the story?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Good

I rarely give a five. You brought out the emotion and that is what makes a good story.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Why did she go back

They is no way in hell he would ever take her back and she should have known that.after seeing a therapist she did not learn much. This last chapter lost some of this story for me.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Fantastic

Although the story fell a little flat at the very end the parting jesture was fantastic making this one of the top stories on Lit....I just really enjoyed this story. Thanks 5x5

cohibaIVcohibaIValmost 11 years ago
thanks

Really enjoyed the final chapter. Great writing. You did a good job of evoking sympathy for Sheryl, but the ending was satisfying. After the second chapter, I wasn't sure where this story was going. Sorry I doubted you.

likeboblikebobalmost 11 years ago

IMHO you could have skipped nearly all of chapter 2. Still worth reading and I thank you for posting.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Indeed

Fuck off cheaters! Though they probably already are...

Bit too much 'woe is me' stuff for my liking, but decent story overall.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Good Story

I liked your story, and I would love to be a member of Marty's team. That is some serious loyalty and team work they showed that man. I hope one day I could be amongst such loyal friends and colleagues. I agree with others, this story did not need Chapter two, while I always appreciate when an author writes both parties perspective, it really only works when the perspective is different, otherwise I am just reading the same story twice. There really was no distinct views, what was happening was just happening. Chapter 2 only served to explain why Sheryl gave Marty the finger while having sex with her managers. Other than that small bit of knowledge I found Chapter two to be pointless.

However, I like your style of story telling and I look forward to reading more of your literature. Thank you for the short stories.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Two things not needed

Chapter 2, as many readers have said.

And the POV from the ex wife. As a few other very able writers have also noted, neither chapter 2 nor Sheryl's view brought any thing to the story.

The only time a back and forth POV is effective is when there is a reconciliation at the end; and even that, the back and forth POV angle is not necessary.

When you, the author, have so totally devastated the image of the wife/ex-wife, having her recount her self-created horror/tragedy is not going to tug at the reader's heart that seriously. A short, 3-chapter is NOT enough to "rehabilitate" the wife, given her crimes against HERSELF and her HUSBAND, if what she said was true.

Long_Horn, wrote a similar story, but it was much longer and he left enough on the table, in story AND character development to REHABILITATE the wife... and ultimately, after a year or more apart, she found herself back into her former husband arms again... but, again, the said author did not so devastatingly destroy the woman, ex-wife... much as the reader wanted to hate the stupid bitch, they also knew there was a remote chance that somehow, somewhere, there was a chance that she could and would redeem herself, in her own eyes and in the eyes of the one she loved and destroyed.

Not so in this case, despite the BELATED confession of eternal life at Marty's place, towards the end, which was more or less a mere footnote to a lost cause that even the ex wife knew from the outset...

I think if you're going for the tugging at the reader's heart, having Marty recount his journey of personal tragedy, loss, friendship and rediscovery of love again... and doing all that with a tear or two shedding for happier times with a woman whom he had thought once was the most beautiful and most loved in the world... THAT would have tug at the reader's heart more than having that woman recounting her own down fall, sex escapades and how she didn't mean any or much of it, etc.

In other words: chapter one was excellent; chapter two was not needed; and chapter 3 was really ultimately unnecessary.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago

I need to look up the word erotic. No idea why this story on this website.

Vulcan_in_OhioVulcan_in_Ohioalmost 11 years ago
Lots of comments, which is saying a lot.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this story. But the two main characters seem weak, as others have said in numerous comments. While being hurt, even depressed, is normal and expected for Martin or anyone experiencing a partner's betrayal (and seeing it with his own eyes), I agree that needing his team to prop him up long-term made him look pretty wimpy.

Further, it impaired their working relationships and for the married ones, their domestic lives were disrupted. Giving him a hug, being his friends as well as co-workers, fine. Moving into his house and one of them becoming his sex partner (maybe spouse eventually), pretty dumb.

Now Sheryl's behavior makes her a real piece of work. Loving someone includes the ability to think of the other person first, to make that person happy, to put one's self in the other's shoes, to imagine what the other might think and how he/she would feel regarding one's actions. A marriage means "two are one" to a large degree. She was selfish and stupid not to realize it.

She knew having sex with supervisors was wrong, but she did it regardless. I really feel she was just sorry she got caught, not truly sorry she hurt Martin. Her attempt to bargain her way back (I'll kiss your feet, you can get even with other lovers) is clearly ludicrous. The relationship is over, and her refusal to accept that was delusional -- no sane man would ever trust her again, and she should realize that. She was still lying, about Tom, about her giving the phone (Martin) the bird, everything.

JeffTomJeffTomalmost 11 years ago
Good Ending

Part #2 was a little weak. Part #3 ended just as It should have in ma mind. Thank YOU for writing this story for me/us. One of your best!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Chapter 1..

#1 gets a "A", #2 gets "C" and this one was a rehash and gained nothing. It went from very good to average and actually a bit boring.

One thing I see right along, very few 2nd and 3rd chapters work this one is one of those.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Lose chapter 1 intro and all of chapters 2 & 3

Chapter 1 was very good/great - proved by the HOT score. The introduction was annoying and showed your doubts about the next two chapters. Lose them; lose the intro; and lose the Ch. 01 from the title. Just for fun, graft all of the Chapter 2 and 3 comments onto the end of the Chapter 1 comments. The result will score even higher and you may break into a 4 digit comment total.

woodmanonewoodmanonealmost 11 years ago
Now that I've read

the story I can comment intelligently. (At least as intelligently as I can)

First, as I said in my first comment, lose the forward to Chapter 1. If you like writing do for yourself and the hell with others. If they like it fine if they don't then you've still pleased yourself.

Chapter 1 was pretty good, Chapter 2 wasn't as good, and Chapter 3 was a rehash of 2 which was sort of a rehash of 1. I think the story would have been better if you'd wrote about the results of his retribution, left the wife's thoughts out of it, and grafted the final confrontation on to the end of Chapter 1.

That being said, I enjoyed most of the story and really like the friends coming to the rescue. I also liked that Marty couldn't or wouldn't get over what happened and refused to consider reconciliation.

Good work over all, thanks and keep writing.

Woodmanone

ramonbrookramonbrookalmost 11 years ago
While deep down I know it was the right ending .....

I was hoping for a reconciliation. I know I know sounds wimpy. I'm really not, and usually I would cheer for your ending. But there is something about Sheryls character that I felt I wanted her to get a second chance.

I really don't know what others are talking about (and neither do they) all parts of this story were great!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Awsome

Now here is a story that kept me glued to my computer. From the start it was good a made much sence. Thankyou and I hope to read more from you,

semofuncpl3semofuncpl3almost 11 years ago
Good ending

for him, he has moved on. Now she needs to get over it and move on for a good ending for her.

h4751h4751almost 11 years ago
Surprised

This story was a bit of a surprise. I thought Chapter 1 was fantastic. I think you could have omitted Chapter 2, but it introduced his teammates, who play into Chapter 3. I'm sorry to say I thought Chapter 3 was a weak ending. It seemed you didn't want to overly offend anyone (both in the story and your readers). I was glad there was no reconciliation, but there was also no story for the "missing" year. So after the great build up of Chapter 1, I was a little disappointed. Be that as it may, Chapter 1 was fantastic! I'm sure there are many other readers who really "got into" it. Keep up that kind of work, and maybe work on a more timely and decisive conclusion.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Normally BTB Guy

But, I agree with a rare few who would like to see her get a second chance.

She did deserve everything though so am not upset with no reconciliation.

Good Story

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
really enjoyed it

A great story, shows the heartbreak on both sides. Answers for why it all happened, though her reasons are weak. Cheating is for cheaters, by cheaters and they will always be cheaters. And they hopefully always get what they deserve, no matter how bad it hurts as 'they' caused the hurt.

TornadoTysTornadoTysalmost 11 years ago
Missing Year

Ch.1 was great, ch.2 not as good and ch.3 left a lot out with a weak ending. What did happen in the last year for both of them ! ?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
perfect

exactly how i hoped the story would end. The missing year is nothing and does add or take away anything. Very true to life without a fake storybook ending.

WILSON01WILSON01almost 11 years ago
Feedback:

I agree with some of the other reviewers, chapter 1 was fantastic ! i could hardly wait for the subsequent chapters. Unfortunately, chapter 2 was a recap from the wife's perspective, and chapter 3 was a depressing let-down.

cpetecpetealmost 11 years ago

All three chapters were well done. everyone has their favorite chapter. As always it is tough to match Chapter 1 (few movie sequels are as good as the orginal).

Good use of POV and the friends giving wife the "finger salute" was a fitting ending

thanks for posting

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago

Well done! I enjoyed reading this story - nicely developed characters, appealing plot. Please more of this. 5 Stars.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
sucker

got sucked into this drivel. never, sadk, again!!!

minus "0"

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Bitch lived!

Slut should of gotten ultimate payback. Also, her "lovers" needed some more payback besides losing their jobs. Like, detail of their wives divorcing them and taking them to the cleaners and prohibiting them from any contact with their children.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
CHAPT 1&2

were crap, this is worse.

BfreetorunBfreetorunalmost 11 years ago
I read for entertainment. This story entertained me.

I was so afraid he would give in to her and take her back. I love happy endings but some things cannot be forgiven (well, he forgave her, I never would have) or forgotten. He did the right thing and was much nicer to her than I would have been. His friends were the best and treated her the way she should have been treated. I hope that she never recovers and ends up in a permanent fugue, locked away from decent people. I realize that it is just a story but I would never like for a person like her to come out of any situation in a positive manner. I would have killed her sooner or later, she deserved to be killed.

count2threecount2threealmost 11 years ago
I call Bullshit !

It was a good story, but it was built on the premise that any woman could do what she did and still have that much love for her Husband. Sorry: NO! If you really, really love somebody then you don't hurt them the way she did. Maybe she missed married life, security, her job or what not, but the part about her missing her beloved soulmate is definitely bullshit.

Other than that it was a good story.

norcal62norcal62almost 11 years ago
Previous comment highlighted a factor that would be a major improvement to this story.

Too many LW stories equate neediness with love. There could have been a discussion of what "love" meant to the wife. Obviously it wasn't the kind of feeling or understanding that would exist in a healthy relationship between a husband and a wife.

myassisdraginmyassisdraginalmost 11 years ago
I liked it

I agree with befreetorun, I read for entertainment and this story entertained me..

I also noticed that, as happens with almost every other writer, those that really slam a story do not have the courage to "sign" their comments but leave them anonymously.

shoedawgz62shoedawgz62almost 11 years ago
Love the ending

Great way to end this!! Thanks for the diligence.

Tim413Tim413almost 11 years ago
If he

had been a wimp, I would have really been pissed.

IronDragonIronDragonalmost 11 years ago
radk

Sir, your cheating wives are the most insidious I've ever seen on Lit. You have my congratulations.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Bravo!

A perfect ending to a great story. Her cheating ass got what she deserved...Great read!

auhunter04auhunter04over 10 years ago
forgiveness

Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for yourself. To say you would not forgive her is saying you will carry all the hate and angst for the rest of your life

Been there and until I forgave, my life was pure hell

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Unbelievable.

I agree with count2three, the story is unbelievable. When making her critical choice, Sheryl's ambition overided all other considerations, including her love for Marty which couldn't have been that great. Yet when caught, her love for Marty suddenly is her singular reason for living. Huh?

Actually this is a common trend in revenge LW stories that I find so amusing, that the husband is so attractive and loving that the wife cannot help but be totally love sick, needy, and dependent on him. She is totally crushed and is reduced to slime when dumped by her husband due to her cheating. Ya right. In real life, the wife is more likely to respond with an indifference shrug after having been caught cheating. radk needs to strop reading stories written by the Stangmeister.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
yuk

yuk -*

Pulsifer42Pulsifer42over 10 years ago

Wonderfully created and well executed story with fine writing.

Thank you so much.

firemanlitfiremanlitover 10 years ago

"Now I totally understood Marty's pain."

No, she did not understand the husband's pain. We only understand our own pain.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Her Misfortune

was marrying the whiny, wimpy, excuse of human mankind.

She should be glad she is free of the wimpy twerp.

Some excuse for men should never leave their mothers coat tail

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Speaking from experience...

I was once the "other man" with a married woman...

I knew what we had wasn't love - for her it was mostly "He's dangerous" and for me it was "I like her"... I'm not saying there wasn't attraction on her part, that there weren't things she liked about me... but I know she loved her husband...

And there were times her guilt left her in tears...

I suppose if I'd cared for her more I'd have left her alone to be happy in her marriage but I was too selfish. But I am sure it would have killed her had he found out...

A willingness to engage in stupid actions doesn't disprove a lack of strong emotion.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Speaking from experience ..

You a real Piece of Sh*t!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
dd57

wimpy radk contribution

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Agree

wimpy RADK

connoisseur29connoisseur29over 10 years ago
****

Can't say I understand all of the negative comments. I thought it a good reading story. A real coincidence that he saw the adultery through a telescope, however. It is what it is, Eh? Cheers!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
With ur 4 stars

and my 1 star ! does that make 5 stars for this wimp authors tale???????

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
**Sigh**

Once again, we have uninformed critics slurring the AUTHOR because of the STORY.

[Capitalizations for the semi-literate]. Authors devote their time and creativity to give us FREE enjoyment. Readers have no entitlement here, you paid no fees, and even if you had, the AUTHOR is not the STORY. Criticize the story if you feel the need.

As for me, I enjoyed the story. Thank you RADK.

smokepolesmokepoleabout 10 years ago
I don't bother

It seems the comments before me were quite uncouth. I wouldn't bother with them because beings like that don't deserve recognition. (I can feel them flaming me now)

I did like the story till the last chapter. I almost felt like she had enough love socked away to be able to prove it was all about her greed of personal advancement (If they were as "close" as you portrayed). The way I read it he should have felt this too, if they had that close of a relationship, but apparently they didn't. The emotional stress an affair puts on a person can't be totally hidden, even if well compartmentalized. There would have been some signs this had gone on for that amount of time. How could she only break down at work and not at home if she felt so bad? Why didn't he notice before all this? He definitely wasn't "all that" attuned to her feelings.

What about the families of the coworkers of Marty's firm? They seem to spend an inordinate amount of time away from their own families. You don't mention the crutch his overt neediness throws into their lives. They just exist free to move about without responsibility to husband or children... (i.e. personally if my wife wanted to go hold her boss' hand and was adamant about it, we would go as a couple).

Have you considered an alternate ending? A chapter 3B if you please? What if he accepted her apology? There is an entire two more chapters you could investigate on the issues of forgiveness and reconciliation. Besides, the ending with them all giving her the finger is the most childish and weakest ending for such a decent attempt... I would rather she ran her rental into a tree or something as an ending.

Look into the reconciliation aspect. It would be something new (for this site).

TavadelphinTavadelphinabout 10 years ago
No clue why anyone calls this guy a wimp -

He tolerated nothing - he acted and moved on - it ought to make all the wimp haters happy - so wassupp???

This is a good ending - and a real possibility -

The whole story read as possible if we accept the diagnosis of her issues - you may not like it or want to believe that some people are like that but it is true so get over your disbelief and just don't like it your allowed LOL.

But the author is allowed to do what he pleases with his story shit -

Anonymous
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