Tainted Love Ch. 04

Going by ....

... the number of errors this should have been your very first attempt at writing!!
You seem to have little concept of the use of an 'apostrophe' to indicate a missing letter - you're; who's, etc.
Spelling & Grammar? Poor.
And it is very obvious that you did absolutely no Proof-Reading!!
Your story should have received a 4* but the very best I'm willing to award is 3*!

who was talking about some secret?

not bad

so far an interesting story BUT........ i think from too many points of view kinda confuses the reading. readers are basically lazy and so far this is sorta complicated.... age old advice is the KISS theory: keep it simple stupid! but don't change to try to please me or anyone else.... except that I'd like a few more pages (helps to get more involved in the story) with each chapter.

Fuck, you NEED an editor. Its too damn confusing from all the different points of view. 1*