Good ideas.
The dialogue and actions could flow better. At present they seem disjointed and that is distracting. That makes it difficult to be immersed in the story with or as the characters or believe that they can be real.
Keep at it and remember that you want to paint a picture in the reader's head that is so real and coherent that they forget it's just words. :)
Some readers want nothing but sexual content, but I believe in letting the situation build and, above all, an emphasis on veracity. This is why I don't like studio pornography. It is staged and not especially real.
English
awaiting the third experience.....................
Detached but has potential.
Good ideas.
The dialogue and actions could flow better. At present they seem disjointed and that is distracting. That makes it difficult to be immersed in the story with or as the characters or believe that they can be real.
Keep at it and remember that you want to paint a picture in the reader's head that is so real and coherent that they forget it's just words. :)
My intent
Some readers want nothing but sexual content, but I believe in letting the situation build and, above all, an emphasis on veracity. This is why I don't like studio pornography. It is staged and not especially real.
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