The story is okay, but you ABSOLUTELY need to find an editor who can proof read for you. Is the boy's name Ray or Rey? You continually use words that are just the wrong thing. This isn't a typo thing.
You probably used a spell check on this, but you need to realize that if you use the wrong word and if it is spelled correctly, the spell check won't correct it for you. Some examples of that are when you write waste instead of waist, than instead of then, cloths instead of clothes, or in to instead of into. These are just a few things that makes this story very hard to read. Please find a proofreader before you post another chapter.
by
Anonymous07/04/13
i found this story to be absolutely amazing. in fact 90% of my reason to frequent this site is just to see part 4 of this story. don't take any of the negative comments to heart it is an amazingly erotic story.
Where's that next chapter. I just re-read the first three and gotta see the story
continued!
I hope the negative comments from a few asshole critics didn't discourage you Ray.
by
Anonymous07/16/14
yo
Hey ive been waiting for a freaking sequel here. Don't be a doushe we want more you sexy son of a bitch!
English
story shot to shit
i was loving this story i won't read any more . you lost me with the big black cock ,i know thats the new thing but i'm just not into it.
good story
plz lose the big black cock thing ty leann
omg loved it
keep it cuming. that was hot and want to read more and more because it makes me super excited every time I see a story from you.
Problems
The story is okay, but you ABSOLUTELY need to find an editor who can proof read for you. Is the boy's name Ray or Rey? You continually use words that are just the wrong thing. This isn't a typo thing.
You probably used a spell check on this, but you need to realize that if you use the wrong word and if it is spelled correctly, the spell check won't correct it for you. Some examples of that are when you write waste instead of waist, than instead of then, cloths instead of clothes, or in to instead of into. These are just a few things that makes this story very hard to read. Please find a proofreader before you post another chapter.
i found this story to be absolutely amazing. in fact 90% of my reason to frequent this site is just to see part 4 of this story. don't take any of the negative comments to heart it is an amazingly erotic story.
Where is it?
Where's that next chapter. I just re-read the first three and gotta see the story
continued!
I hope the negative comments from a few asshole critics didn't discourage you Ray.
yo
Hey ive been waiting for a freaking sequel here. Don't be a doushe we want more you sexy son of a bitch!
Nice beginning, please add some chapters.
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