Revelations Ch. 02

It's still incomplete

What's the use of taking a story further if you plan to leave it incomplete as well? And there is no real BTB that a story like this demands. All in all a very poor effort on various counts. Incomplete story just being the beginning of woes.

WOW GREAT PICK UP......

....may not be your story but you've owned it brilliantly.....run with it....you raise all the right questions........now comes the part where it becomes your story.....looking to hear more....about the "Bitch,her children.....and yes about Gary..."

More...please

Let's read how the bitch ended up.

jeez..you cant stop now!!!!!!

Very nice...but you got to keep going...lets see her hurt and sufering as he is...
puddych

Revelations, the story that just won't end...

... well, so much for closure. Enough already, let's just leave poor old Victor Brown or Gary Owen or whoever alone and move on.

For a Sixtyish slut

She has another 20 years to live! let her live alone or commit suicide on her lover's grave.The children,let them have a conditional type of relationship,give up the chase or give up the mother. On Grand Cayman you could arrange for a "bukake" on the wife with the senior sailors.

Love IT

There are a many of husbands that have encountered this type of situation(s). Some of them find out and a lot more never have a clue...Please continue the saga..

leave him alone

what a BITCH. why can't she just leave him alone?

Loved if

A fitting conclusion in that she truly had killed their marriage. I think you should continue the story. Why not? Good writing. Five stars.

A running husband story sequel

A.A.Nemo has an excellent running husband story on SOL "Concordia". That is much better on this genre.
Good he found a younger woman, but he was discovered.
In the Concordia the running husband diapeared from his family forever.
Why the simple divorce is not enough to show the children the video and the E-mails.......................They are above 18 years...........

not a bad effort

I kinda feel sorry for her.. putting on flame suit now!

impecunious?!?!?!

you can say poor, man.

Keep it going

I want to find out what happened next. Don't leave me hanging!

nice twist

I really thought the guy was gonna die. great story keep it going.

Really enjoyed your story

Thanks

Not bad, mostly...

...but somehow there has been way too much self-pity. An old man, feeling nothing but sorry for himself, giving her the blam e for absolutely everything that had happened in his life. Surely, some sort of payback (or even divorce) could have been a reasonable action, but his reaction exceeded it all. Forgotten all good memories, forgotten even the years he spent raising their children (which he claimed, he loved) - justifying it all with mere possibilities. Poor old man. Denying every responsibility and almost "celebrating" the bad way he had been treated. He should have jumped and followed his cards.

Nevertheless: Very nicely written, I enjoyed reading it. 5 Stars.

Poor guy!

You really fucked up his life. Why it is called revenge when you hurt yourself more, is beyond me!

Good ending to the story

I would love to hear how they found out he was still alive. It would be great to have the ending to this story where the wife and kids get it good it would be good to see if the wife told the kids the full truth. The wife should be the main one to get the kicking of her life from all including the kids. The kids must pay for not wanting to take on board what the old man was saying. I cannot wait for the next story.

A nice read but he took it in the ass again. I prefer my own "victor's victory" story where he really wins instead of losing again.
Good idea about selling things but you left open the crap about the kids being someone else's and I made them Harry's.
Too many open story lines for my taste, but well written.

What An Arse Ending

What you wrote rated a five stars vote, but I hate the ending.

More! Need an end

Was he feeling sorry for himself or was it revenge? I lean toward revenge and she deserved every bit of it. His life was a sham and without physical violence he turned hers into a nightmare or regret, shame and loss. I can't begin to guess how he might handle "his family" coming after him but there is no going back.

End of story

I have to agree with other comments! Boy it sure was a shitty ending > Left us all up in the air!!!

enjoyed gave it 5 really needs the next chapter

A far cry from your first LW stroy

In this story, you explained the concept ALL OR NOTHING, this exactly what some men go through, not the Rambo type of men who would scheme and plot and go after the wife's lover not realizing that the wife is just another cunt for the boyfriend and it is never about the husband, not the modern type men who would argue the cheating is just another normal side effect of our developing society and that it shouldn't be a deal breaker and it is a mistake just like any other and it can be forgiven or ignored or getting over and men shouldn't react so strongly to it, this story was about a normal man who just said fuck it, he said that what happened can not be over looked or forgiven or that it shouldn't affect other parts of my life, an excellent portrayal of how a normal guy would feel after learning what this guy found out, please continue with it, I am sure the next installment would be good no matter how things will turn out. Thanks for sharing.

An opinion, which may be different to others

One the type of consequence stories are the Running Husband stories. The good Running Husband stories may be very interesting, sometime the lost of the husband may be revenge or the finding by the wife may be reconcilation. I like the Running Husband stories too.
However I think the best revenge to destroy the children mother connection beside (here is new woman in the Cayman Island) a new woman after the divorce.

Read my "victor's victory" for a proper ending. Cantbuymy.

Running Husband stories

The Running Husband (RH) stories were written by good revenge story writers as
Papatoad. I mentioned A.A.Nemo from SOL (He has 3 fantastic excellent RH stories)
JPB has recently published "The Trip to Rancho Mirage", he WROTE LONGER EPILOG TO THAT STORY.
SS06 wrote RH story for example "The Maury Show".
And many excellent revenge and consequence authors too.
However this mathematical equitation is true Revenge story > RH or consequence stories.
After a revenge with divorce, why the ex wife can not see the photoes and videos, she can suffer from the rememberings to look at the common photoes, videos...................The children could watch the video and read the E-mails......
BTW I gave 5***** I like RH stories too!

Why would his kids be on their way?

What a pathetic, tired old man. He got his feelings hurt and shit on everyone in his life. Personally, I'd let him rot in the islands.

Over the top ? a bit BUT

One could make the case that the husband is wallowing around and self pity and that is probably a bit too much. But the offer was clearly trying to drive home to the reader the amount of intense pain and suffering that the husband was going through. The author was trying to show a complete breakdown of the world which psychologically did not exist anymore for victor. Maybe the author was taking a step too far but I think that is what he was driving for. Destroying all the family tapes and photographs and my view was too much and unjustified.

SOME of them.. Like perhaps the wedding photographs or CD or video.. THAT I can understand but everything else... seems too extreme IMO.

It is interesting to speculate that the grown Kids KNOW about harry and who the real father is.

I wish people would

leave other writers stories alone. As for cantbuymy and his proper ending; if leaving a a giant dog turd on a better writers work is a proper ending then yea that talentless hack produced a proper ending.

My advice is to try vampires or werewolfs

You have the imagination of a turnip, since you need someone else's story as a kick start. And you don't understand the revenge fetish market. Worse this silly garbage has started a war between cantbuymy and his twin Duna. Both are insisting they alone know what a revenge fetish story is and their examples should be followed to the letter.

it's not over till it's over

Somebody call the wambulance!
Lotta whiners on this one.
That might be for good reason.
You dwelt, more than dealt.
Try moving the story along and putting more content into it.
Intriguing that he 'killed' himself by removing everything that was 'him' from her life.
Frankly, I think she was too boo-hoo for someone so cold and callous as to do what she did for so long and yet act like he was the love of her life.....but I don't understand how she could have ever kept that up for so long.....

Nice Job

An excellent protrayal of pain and self pity. Suicide seemed to be Victor's response when in fact he planned on living well without the slut which is the best revenge. He caused her some of the pain and anguish he felt good for him. However he would not have been that hard to locate. He had to log off the cruise ship to disembark so his suicide was never really an issue. There was a paper trail. I too would love to read about the children's response and how they all dealt with this mess when they all met up.

He should have found a rusty spoon and

gouged his own eyes out after drinking some Drano. I am not a big fan of depressed men that flee their problems after doing as much harm to themselves as the can

more!!!

i do hope you put a truly concluding story to the series. Yo u're a very good writer and can emphatize with the character so whichever way you go will turn out to good.

Forget All The Negative Feedback

This was your take on the tale. Cantbuymy's take was excellent. Yours isn't finished. Continue with the cheating whore skank slut disrespectful lowlife wife finding out he's still alive and what happens next. Go for it!

I thought this was supposed to be closure

But it's just the same shit, different place.

Liked it but finish it.

It would be great to hear about the ex-wife's & kids life after he left. We enjoyed your spin on this emotional story and also thought that cantbuymy version was outstanding.

Finish It

I liked it but the story was open ended.

This was a nice cont of the orginal

and I look forward to more, as it does not look like this tale is over.

I also know how Victor got "caught". When getting off in a port on one of the big cruise lines (Royal Caribbean Cruise lines as mentioned) you have a biometric card to get off the ship as well as facial recon cams as you leave. Any passenger "left behind" (it does happen) is reported to local goverment as well as Immigration (ICE) back in the States which will do an investigation with/or FBI.

Not a few people have been visited by the "local authorites" on the beach after wandering off the "big boats". You are better off zipping off with a little day charter and bribing the captain not to list you when he docks or leaves.

re: Forget All The Negative Feedback

I just love assholes who think only their opinion is valid. If you try to explain that's not what you meant, then the title of your comment is illogical and moronic.

Where is the rebirth?

I remember working with Hmong refugees (many years ago) who were coming to the US to live following the fall of Vietnam in 1975. They had lost everything but had done so fightinng Communism along with our "forces" in Laos and Cammbodia. They were forced to start a new life in a country where they did not speak the language and the only jobs they could find were in hotels and restaurants. They never had "closure", which is understandable. Your story was a good read but frustrating because of the maschoistic way he "died". His death becomes the real lie and all to punish his wife? I appreciate the fact you left the story "unfinished", because that is an existential reality of life, and I find it odd we end up doing more harm to others when we try and hurt someone else, for whatever reason.

Great, up until the point where he pissed away his relationship with his kids. If he loved them so little that he was willing to throw it away just because his wife cheated, he's not much of a father, and it's no wonder she fucking cheated on him.
I mean, he did acknowledge that he might not be their father, but that it didn't matter who their father was because he wasn't going to play the DNA game. So he just outright disowns them and calls them "hers"?

The only sympathetic characters in this story seem to be the kids and the dog.

Results like this make me wish authors would stop giving out their stories for "rewritten endings". Nothing personal, but when you start doing revision work rather than writing your OWN stories, you're setting yourself up for comparison ratings.

Yo Anonprick

Did you read the tale? Did you read the original? Do you think intelligent thoughts or are you too busy licking shit out of your father's ass? Go fuck yourself.

HA

Oh God

The story that will never ends. Liked your take on the ending until your "ending". I could see Victor going this route. Now as I asked on the original story please do more chapters and end it finally.

Bad Day at Lit

Today two stories were posted that reflect the worst or best(Depending on your point of view) of two of the camps on this site. The cucks and the BTB crowd. Come on guys where's the drama? Not in the pathetic self pity of this story or the RAAC of "A Cheating Cliche" First time I ever gave back to back "1's".

There's a distinctive switch in narrative style from the original author to your part of the story. While Alex_Lover has created a slow-burning deep exploration of the thought processes of a man who suddenly has the foundation of everything he has built during his life crumbling to dust beneath him, your part of the story is more action-based and deals with the rage and the practical consequences. You have a distinctly different narrative style but it fits the story well.

At first I felt that you might have "sugar coated" your ending a little too much - hell, you even spared the dog! However after giving it some thought I came to realize that this is EXACTLY what a good looking, healthy middle aged man with enough money would do. The kids are grown, his wife has turned into a stranger overnight and life is short. Being unable to forgive and forget following a dream is a natural reaction for a man in this situation. Even the disappearance and identity change fits. It's a clean break from a life turned sour and it eliminates the need for lengthy discussions with his family about his decision to leave.

As far as the persons goes, I think you miss the mark slightly. I'm not completely sold on the two people in your story being the ones from Alex_Lover's story. Especially the wife. She was originally portrayed as strong, proud and with a deeply rooted belief that she did nothing wrong. That her cheating was an altruistic act in order to save a good man and never motivated by carnal desires. The fact that she's not really sorry for what she's done and refuses to acknowledge her betrayal of her family is a big part of the drive behind the original story.

Somehow it just doesn't feel right that she falls to pieces as easily as you describe it. I would expect a woman like that to get angry and maybe even accuse her husband of completely blowing things out of proportions. She has lived with her own rationalisation of the affair for decades and it would take a long time for her to see things from his point of view. She would rather expect "him" to see things from "her" perspective after he has had time to reflect on the affair. I also doubt that she would have hidden her e-mail correspondance from him once the affair was out in the open. It's not a big deal to her and she would want to come clean so they could move on. She might even have used the correspondance in her attempt to convince hubby what a wonderful man her former boss was and why she had to do what she did.

Equally you also changed the husband into a different person. Originally he was a strong and controlled ex executive who is used to hide his feelings and carefully consider each step. Selling his belongings is perfectly within his character but the destruction of the pictures and "killing" the dog is not. Even if he was trying to hurt his wife as much as possible, having the pictures would make his absence much more painful for her. He is in effect making it easier for her to get over him and I don't think a man like that would do this.

And of course his reaction towards his children is way out of character. DNA can tell you who the sperm donor is, but that has nothing to do with fatherhood. He IS their father and there is no way that he would use them against their mother is such a callous manner. I do believe that he would write them a letter of explanation and maybe even enclose proof of her affair - not directly but in a sealed container or something with instructions to not open unless needed. He would certainly not mention anything about him possibly not being their real dad. I simply can't see this guy doing something so cruel to his children just to hurt his wife.

Furthermore he would never have destroyed those albums. It would be much more in character for him to have told his wife that he did but secretly have arranged to have them sent to his children a few months after he was gone.

To sum everything up : I like your story a lot. It is well written and I hope you'll take my minor points of critique for what they are - minor. I see your story more as a "branch-off" from Alex_Lovers story than an continuation of it. You have taken inspiration from AL and created your own story with a slightly different - but no less interesting - cast of characters and I hope you will continue the series. I came away with the a sense that there is much more to tell and you did sorta end it with a cliffhanger, right? ;-)

Please Continue

I thought your story was great. I would like to have more of the story to see how victor dealt with his wife and what she did after his "death". Thank you for the update and please continue.

good story

I enjoyed the sequel and think that you are bulidng a nice story here. I'd alos like to see what happens next and if Viktor gets away again and if his wife is truly repentant. Please keep this going.

A bit strident in tone

The Anon below said it all. The characters changed so much that I found them almost unrecognizable. Personally I think that moving Chelsea to the Cayman's is what gave away his location... Despite the complaints I still would like to know what happens when the family arrives and why he doesn't convince his new lady that they ought to move to Iceland....