All Comments on 'a night remembered'

leads to a let down and blue. TK U MLJ LV NV

but you lack any originality - think about your sensual descriptions - try similes, metaphors and synonyms to disguise the obvious. All of your verses cover ground that have been covered a million times before, alas. S.O.

Thanks for the feed back, I will take it on board and aim for better next time.

We are both works in progress. Keep up the good work and remember everyone needs a good friend, an enemy, and critics. Together they make us well rounded individuals.

Tod, I honestly do not know if poems NEED to have metaphors, and similes, and so on. In my humble opinion, these are just tools, not things that immediately make your poem better. They are things you use to reach a certain goal (the goal is communicating something to the reader; you can TRY to lead the reader down a certain path, but not force him).

Could your poem be more "complex", that is, wrought with more poetry "tools"? Sure, any poem can be made more complex. If, however, what you were aiming for was a well-described scene, you've done it. That was interesting and quite evocative. :) I'll tell you again and again, until you believe me: you're great with this raw, evocative side of writing. I feel that, for poetry, you just need to channel it.

Ok, so, some specifics. The couplets make me get into a sing-song rhythm (which keeps me moving forward, always forward). However, at the same time, some lines read too long and some lines read too short. I'm sure there is some theory behind it that could explain why I feel this (metre, perhaps?).

I also thought your use of punctuation wasn't entirely coherent (for *my* taste). Personally, I go for either no punctuation at all, or far too much punctuation (at least, I feel it's too much punctuation, in which case it might break reading too much). In your case, what I mean is that there are places where you could have dismissed punctuation, but used it, and places where it was absolutely necessary (again, IMHO) and it was missing. If you want, I can send you a message pointing out what I mean about the punctuation.

I liked this, Tod — the *content* was interesting, and at the end of the day, it's what I care about the most. Everything around the content is supposed to support it, not obscure it.

I would have a critique if I wasn't speechless. I feel like I just got off a roller coaster. I'll have to read it a few times to numb the poem's affects before I can look beyond for suggestions...wow. 5ed