delight

elements are good

but the delivery is poor, final line is nice

reads

more like a story than a poem. If you seek to be more poetic- show, don't tell. You use multitude of over used words, such as glisten and the sex descriptions were ordinary and did little to titillate.

Just keep reading poetry and practice may never make a poet perfect but it sure won't hurt!

THE UNASKED QUESTION IS NOT HOW

but who and when. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks Maria, I did lack subtlety and have blundered through merely a rhyming sex scene rather than a fully formed thought invoking poem, but I am a tad blunt in general. I will take your advice and I intend to improve as a writer.

Those who don't fall down will never learn how to walk.