Revelations Ch. 03

if your story will end with the wife being drugged, then you have not read the original story, even when she was not with her lover, she still profess her affection to him and sent videos of herself to him. I think this will be difficult to explain.

No way

Drugs , no way, many years and no mention of blackmail. Drugs wear off and the mind will know what happened . There is no way you could make that work.this is going in the wrong direction. Planning to have his kids . Beyond the pale and she loved him . Some kind of sick fantasy.

Thanks for continuing the saga.....

Am looking for the next installment.

Jumped the shark?

Carvohi-I think your continuation jumped the shark in this chapter. A year-long ruffie binge? Is that where you're honestly going with this? The wife was turned almost comically stupid and naive in this chapter. Some parts of this were effective: especially the hubby's ruminations at the beginning-it was effective imagery. His continued conflict wth his decision rings true: most would not be able to walk away after 30 years without regret and second thoughts.
However, the constantly changing POV's and the changing from past to present tense and back again, over and over, was confusing and detracted from the story. Also the mention of the mother's face covered in shit was just too much. Making the other man a complete monster fundamentally changes the story, rendering it less dramatic and more of a cartoon.
This story needed more time and thought and editing.

Forcing a reconciliation ending...

...doesn't work. You've spun an interesting yarn, but it feels like you wanted reconciliation as the ending and in order to get there from the setup of the original story requires far too much reimagining of the characters involved. Victor hasn't changed much, still a wimpering fool, but the wife and dead lover have changed dramatically.

Part of the impact of the original story was how unapologetic the wife was for what she'd done; Her complete inability to see the pain she caused Victor by her actions.

The first chapter of your continuation certain sets up a fantastic way of getting her to face reality and the ending was quite good. Frankly, I think the story should have ended there.

As I said before, this chapter has changed the story into feeling like a forced reconciliation story.

Date rape drugs don't work that way. You can't keep someone drugged 24/7. Did she go to work on date rape drugs everyday? NO! If you are going with the she has been drugged route you need to stop right now. It would probably work for one night but that is the extent of it. No multiple meeting affair can be blamed on date rape drugs. It just does not work that way!

So what happened to the 56 year old companion

Did you take a leap into the past and he hasn't met the 56 year old lady that he has an open relationship and that he is happy somewhat? Need to do an outline if you haven't already of the whole story so you can keep track of these things.

And I agree with a previous commenter about force reconciliations in stories like this. You are contradicting the driven, strong, organized man that you presented us all with in part two.

Nope, not even close

This whole 'she was drugged' idea doesn't follow the original story at all. Additionally, the 'she was drugged' storyline fails to address her emails and her voluntary visits after she had moved.
I can't believe the original author approved of this. Maybe he was drugged!

Can't explain the emails

If she was drugged the first time okay, but that can't explain the continued connection. What about the continued email once she moved to Houston? Can't accept the drugged angle.

Eww what the fuck

You butchered this to hell. Like the other guy said, drugs didn't make her continue contact after they moved. And then you make Victor such a whining sap, for bitch's sake just make him kill himself already. You've made him so pathetic that I no longer am able to care that he was betrayed so badly. Just stop.

Mind Control or hypnosis

One possible approach instead of the drug usage may be hypnosis or some form of erotic mind control. Don't know if it could work but it is a possibility. Guess Carvohi has already chosen his path to end the story and it will be interesting as to how he progresses.

Anon

The single reason i won't bother reading this story forward... You gave her an out. You completely ruined the integrity of the original author.

OMG not date rape drugs!?!

I see that you are headed towards hipnosis enhanced initially with date rape drugs, am I the only reader who sees this particular plot twist?
I believe that your story will go something like this, booze and drugs, then while stoned some conditioning until she responds to commands while sober that is when the old bastard really started to work her over. There will also be other women coming forward after he exposed them to there own husbands.
The final story will end when the ruthless old bastard is found alive and well living in the caymen islands. He will be found after Vanessa commits suicide and Victor will be convicted of his murder.

My 2 Cents

You are a good writer and are entitled to tell your story as you chose. But this is not your story it is a continuation of someone else's story. You have to develop your addition to the facts and charaterizations of the original. She was not drugged. He may have taken drugs to perform but that is irrelevant. She thought she was helping him and the company and then it changed into a long term affair that continued even after she moved away via e-mail. You have an out here, James only suspects her being drugged. You could prove she wasnt and let the chips fall where they may. Please dont ruin this by going RAAC.

Liked it

Good installment... Revenge is bittersweet and the old rich dead guy was apparently mire evil than we knew.

No Way

No date rape drug excuse. That doesn't cut it. There can be no reconciliation. I'm pulling for you to make this right. I'll be reading...

Really?

Victor's son has his head completely up his ass. Was his mother drugged contantly for years? Was she drugged when she told her husband that she was doing her duty when she fucked her perverted boss for years? Was she drugged when she contantly sent him lewd pictures and emails? Please don't tell me she was hynotized, that won't wash in anybodies mind. I hope you're not going to allow victor to even consider reconciling with his slut wife. I suspect the scores for this part will be low in expectation that the author is setting Victor up.

Shall wait for the next part.

You said this tale is far from over so i shall wait for the next part. Hopefully it wont have an ohio or a Matt Moreau ending but a BTB one.

Victor's son James should not be in charge

James is going to extreme lengths to take the responsibility for his mother's actions away while she was having her very long affair. It is also very difficult to believe that a wife and mother could be so easily and completely manipulated by hew own boss for such a very long time. Of course when she is caught she is evasive and in denial that her long term actions caused any harm to her marriage or family, In this chapter Karen's attitude toward he mother would probably represent the vast majority of children when faced with a long term adulterous, slut mother.

this is going to be rough

Well this is going to be one of those stories I am going to hate to read. Yea its a train wreak as it goes on. No matter what in the end the Vanessa boss is the one who got away with it, he never paid for any of his wrong doings. No matter how you end the story , the husband suffered , he was innocent. The wife played and got caught , did she really suffer? Even if drugs were involved how do you explain the emails ? Hate to see another story of evil people winning while good people suffer and lose faith. Yea I am going to read the rest, its just a story but its really messed up when the writer let's evil win.

You are right

@ bidingtime I am writting a story with other names, places, plot from the idea of the Revelation. I hope it will be on SOL next months. The title is "Skeleton from the Cupboard, Sarah and Frank" Sarah is not the first wife.............

Off Track

I am amazed how far you have gone away from the original story. It just does not make sense any more. I agree with previous comments, that the drug angle just does not fly!!
Either get back on track or give up.

MR Carvohi, I kinda know the direction your story is heading to. Drugged? Come on! You cant justify her action based on drug induced haze. I'm a pharmaceutical scientist for gods sake and a good one at that...i have done studies on similar drugs, Ketamine, especially.And I have seen n studied effect of date orape kinda drugs...they have certain duration, certain half life but They cant make one behave continou....butsly like what she did...the emails..the justifications.Plz mister, u may be able to justify one or two incidences but dont rationalize all the 10 years by that...people do crazy things under drugs...but they snap out of them n most remember what they did though not distinctly.... n after continous administration, people can remember most things....they develop reUsistance...plz dont continue the story towards it..its really infuriating...plz dont.I implore. English is not my first language so i really hope u got my gist.

Simple questions

Will reconcilation be? If it will not be, he will married again? Does the bigamia punish in Cayman Islands? If it does what the prisons of the Cayman Islands like? Is this running good revenge?
Why did not he divorce her simple?
A.A.Nemo's three running husband stories are one miles long better.......on SOL (storiesonline.net):
1. "Concordia"
2. "Heart Condition"
3. "That Look of Love"

5*

Drugged? Really? Well, OK! I am eager to see what direction you take this in.

god

You and this story suck. I wish hacks like you would leave good stories alone.

it was ok, you do write well but i still prefer my "Victor's Victory." i do like the inserting of the "gang bang" as a new fact, which might get you into her being drugged, but frankly the attempts to rehabilitate her are lacking.
maybe they should have gotten the DNA done at the hospital which would have put her betrayal beyond the ten years and make them Harry's fucken kids and that blows the shit out of the "she was drugged" for 20 years theory.
unfortunately what you are using for "facts" don't just add to the original story, they conflict with it.
like the husbands torment, that is realistic. he needs some new pussy and some one who really loves him to put the cunt out of his memory and life.
i am still interrested in seeing where this is going.

Enough Already***

Finish it so you can start your own story.

Why?

I don't know why you bothered to write a sequel. The original story wasn't good enough to continue. I've noticed that when a story is not what the reader wants or expects. It bothers them so badly they feel compelled to BTB, as in your first chapter.

I applaud you for listening to some of your critics and the improvement in this chapter. Still far fetched but the original story left you no wiggle room. I still have to wonder why though.

Doesn't compute

I didn't feel as if the original story left anything lacking. I was willing to read this attempt to change the ending but it is becoming a very poor attempt to change the original stories ending. His disappearing and the additional description of his pain are believable. The new theory of a 20 year drugging are just too far fetched for belief. I can even see the old bastard making sure the husband knew about him nailing the wife over and over but now to go off on a tangent and try to inject drugging into the mix. Hell no. I agree with other postings. What the husband needs is new pussy and a new life. Hell, he managed to get a lot of the money. BTB and be happy. Get over the pain and try to live out the rest of his life well.

Not a proud effort!

Gary does not sound like Victor at all, not even the Victor of your first sequel and the Vanessa of the original would never have suffered the breakdown. All wishful thinking! The drugs would not produce her behaviour. The original author destroyed that with the e-mails she sent that showed she was into it.

Basically I agree that most sequels are the worst work of their authors since you need embrace someone else's mind set or the facts will trip you up.

What karan9876 Said

This turning into a recipe for doom. I'll wait to see where the author is heading.

Did they have...Ecstasy, roofies, GHB, Ketamine, and Sedure over 20 years ago?

I have to agree with everyone else who is saying that your story isn't staying close to the original. Also, you mention that maybe "mom" was given "Ecstasy, roofies, GHB, Ketamine, or Sedure" to make her act the way she was. Ignoring the fact that she has a long history with her boss, and claims to love him, as well as her husband, and has stayed in contact with him through emails, and still sends him pictures and meets up with him when she can...well...actually you can't ignore those facts.
Anyway, if all of this started well over 20 years ago, did they have the drugs that you are trying to say she may have been given to act the way she did? You say "dad" grew up at a different time, but didn't this story begin - during that same different time? The writing is good, and you're doing a good job of capturing the heartbreak that someone would really feel if they had been betrayed by the one they love, and then had that love not feel any remorse for their actions. However, the continued story doesn't fit...really in any way, with the original story.

Enjoyed it

A slight diversion from the reunion alluded to in your first chapter.

Nope

This is a whole different story, didn't like your first one much, this one not at all, couldn't finish it. You are not a good enough writer to add anything intelligent to the original story.

WTF

The drug angle is a stupid. If you're going to finish this don't dishonor the original story with bullshit like she was on drugs the whole time. She may have been high on being a slut and cockolding her husband but that's it.

please , really , please

start reading the original story. you can invent whatever you want.

she stated a) she had to save asshole b) she still believed in the original story till the end she did NOT make something wrong.

you can try and write whatever you want. you're a) wrong and b) why in hell do you want to kill a have way good story with science fiction ?

even if there would be a mind altering drug that is working over a long period of time, there is nothing to say anymore when she answered a decade later she had to do it and nothing was bad what I did.

you can stop writing as I stop reading your bullshit. create your own story.

Getting confused

The plot is getting messy. I get the "suicide" angle if it is a way to make off with money and get away from a bitch. Why would she have a breakdown? She didn't really care that much about him. Why is he so upset now he has gotten away from her? She wasn't that great to start with and now he knows about her cheating she is lower than snail shit. He doesn't seem to be missing his kids? Why? They didn't do anything that bad. This doesn't make sense. In fact not much is making sense. I do not understand why this type of story always seems to feature a cuckolded husband who is financially successful and emotionally infantile? After 30 years you are not "in love", hopefully you love your spouse but if she does not love you as proven by her cheating ways, then it is easy to simply say "ya got me!" and call it a day. There are plenty of other warm bodies to share your bed on a cold night, move on.

Making excuses

You're so emphatuated with Vanessa that you are going two take at least three chapters to invent crap in order to exhonorate her previous indescretions. I have to agree with anonymous, nothing you can do that will explain all the emails and relationship beyond he sex. Complete waste of your time and energy.

wtf

The drug angle makes zero sense as it changes a key factor of the original tale.

garbage

Even the shitty ending of the original was preferable to this.

No drugs

Many of the comments on this round center on the possible abuse of drugs that lead to V's nymphomania. The son is exploring reasons why his mother behaved the way she did. He is being analytical. Like his father (there was a reference about this). The story is not over. No one knows where it will lead yet and there is no reason to think the son will find the evidence that supports narcotics.

why ending

Your ending sucks a bucket full of three day old piss. Drugs, bullshit, the son James is a cuck. The wife is a fucking whore who KNEW what she was doing.

The drug excuse alone won't be enough to justify this reconciliation.

She cheated far too long and too enthusiastically. 'Love conquers all' is a wonderful notion but HIS love won't be sufficient, it would take THEIR love. Unfortunately, she chose to give her love to another. The fundamental problem with many reconciliation stories is that the cheating spouse is so evil in the cheating phase that they can't be believably redeemed in the reconciliation phase. Even if she does manage to redeem herself, why would Victor want to go back to someone who could do that to him in the first place? I like your writing but I think Alex dug Vanessa too deep a hole to pull her out of. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to the next installment.

this is fucking hideous .. a new low is pathetically stupid

The date rape drug angle is AWFUL. It is truly an pathetic insipid plot development that ..if you re ad the ORIGINAL cannot POSSIBLY be true.'
'

go back and read the ORIGINAL... the date rape drug thing cannot be true in any way shape or form

from carvohi

I doubt if anyone who has already commented will refer to this, but I think the reference to Ecstasy was a part of some dialogue between the siblings, and represented more of a supposition than a concrete reference. There has been no substantiated reference to any particular drug as being responsible for anything though. I have a drug in mind. There have been suggestions the affair between Vanessa and Wolman went back further than it actually did in the original story by alex_love. I have a pretty clear idea about where I want this to go. I suggest those of you who want me to go back and read the original should do the same. I'll write something when I load on the next chapter that might be helpful. I do however, appreciate all comments. carvohi

FOR ONCE LISTEN TO YOUR READERS

i also want to voice out what the majority are saying,,, dont give the wife such an easy way out! its not just another torch the bitch comment its just common sense after reading the story. trying to use the drug addiction as a tool for reconciliation is ridiculous because of the simple fact that if she was an addict she wouldnt of had approved the move to Houston, and after the move where in the story did it mention she had some kind of relapse or during the first weeks some kind of emotional breakdown that addicts suffer. just like in real life, actions and inactions have consequences and all one can do is just man up to them no matter the results and learn not to make them again.

Enough

Adios!

Be careful at too much redemption

You are obviously heading in the direction of a reconnection between the "parents". Putting off the DNA test is an obvious error or perhaps Victor's "daughter" should get the test done without telling her brother. Please do not make all the women (or at least Karen) in the story weak, give them (or her) some positive sides. Vanessa now appears to be heading in the way of a victim which is contrary to the facts in the original story. She (Vanessa) has a long term relationship that was wrong in every way possible, however, Victor's actions are not without fault either-even in the most BTB story.

Carvohi you are a joy to read but please do not lose the hard emotions of each of the players here. You can spin and weave well either way if the DNA is a match to Victor or not. Not sure how, unless you create a too tragic Vanessa or abused one, to over come the original story and your earlier portions of the story of Vanessa's love life with Harry.

Best of luck with the story, I will look forward to the next installment.

Badly Written

Amateurishly written in the present tense. I could not read it through, just gave up midway through the first page. Sorry.