Punctuation is an issue. There are missing and misused commas and at least one missing apostrophe.
"Prize" in the first paragraph is wrong -- the correct word is "prise."
The biggest issue is the description of things which the narrator has no way of knowing or seeing. His partner has been asked to remain silent, so how does he know that she wants to curl her toes but doesn't intentionally arch her back? A line explaining the pair's past experience together would easily justify the narrator's intimate knowledge of his partner's responses.
This story might read better from the female point of view.
English
Good Effort
A good start with room for improvement.
Punctuation is an issue. There are missing and misused commas and at least one missing apostrophe.
"Prize" in the first paragraph is wrong -- the correct word is "prise."
The biggest issue is the description of things which the narrator has no way of knowing or seeing. His partner has been asked to remain silent, so how does he know that she wants to curl her toes but doesn't intentionally arch her back? A line explaining the pair's past experience together would easily justify the narrator's intimate knowledge of his partner's responses.
This story might read better from the female point of view.
Hope that helps.
i enjoyed that.
very much..
Keep it up
Made me wet... I'm a virgin- well done
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