Revelations Ch. 04

Thoughts

I don’t believe that her co-workers knew about the sex! She was supposedly supporting him work-wise.

And again, there is nothing here indicating drugs.

“you're good Vanessa, you've got a good heart, your good sweet warm caring heart”

Yeah, she’s so good that she’ll cheat on her husband!

And as for the “lost jobs”, well Harry is dead now, presumably the company is still running?

“Victor was in the hospital, in critical care, Karen was in a nearby bed fighting for her life, and I was on my back in another city fucking my boss.”

She’s despicable! She leaves her daughter and husband fighting for their lives to go fuck Harry?!

Don't Do This To Us!

Carvohi, you have created a great sequel to Alex_Love's original story. But, you can't leave us hanging like this. Please, take this story to an end. It's too good to end like it has.

Don't think I've ever seen a LW story start out so good and end so bad

Well, almost end. The first chapter about Victor's scheme to "die" was great. Things started going downhill in the second with the idea that Vanessa had been drugged, and then totally crashed with the "therapy" and the doctors being quack surgeons and escaped WWII war criminals. By the end of the third chapter, having the story not finished became a relief rather than a frustration.

Carvohi, if you decide to go back to this just throw out Ch3 and Ch4 and try again from the end of Ch1. Seriously.

What a total piece of filth.

If this is what you are going to post hence forth, Carvohi, take a long walk on a short pierce because you are totally a pathetic individual. And, obviously, you are fixing the scores.

1*

you suck. don't waste any more time, please.

Where Is The End?

“he heard me lie about our children, how they might not even be his.”

Again, more revisionist history! It was NEVER mentioned that SHE said anything like that – it was clearly described as Victor’s jealous supposition.

And bone marrow donation was NEVER mentioned; even in his emotional state he surely remembers that and therefore KNOWS that Karen is his true daughter!

WTF? Karen has a father, missing and presumed dead, a mother in a mental institution, SHE’S worried about not being able to buy a condo, and she’s calling someone ELSE selfish?!

What the hell kind of a perverted version of a mental hospital is she in?

And again with the drug excuse - I know you've hinted/said that it messed with her memory, but STILL, for her to continue the Email affair when she was no longer drugged makes me suspicious of her honesty.

Which Is It?

First, she is simply ASSISTING Harry, and nobody knows she is having any sort of an affair.

Then, her fellow workers not only know, but ENCOURAGE her to do it because she's the "only one" who can,

THEN, her fellow workers DRUG her?!

WHAT?

I have been reading down your list of stories....got to Revelations....took your advice and read the beginning at Alex before I started yours....I have quite a bit of time invested only to find that there is no ending.... come on man...finish it....it's been over two years....over those two years you have become a much better writer and with your imagination I am sure you can turn the ending into a 5!.....waiting

1 star!

I stopped reading at "It was the second time that was when he got that awful hospital virus. That virus, MRSA or something had nearly killed him. Oh god I felt so loathsome back then. I felt so guilty. Victor was in the hospital, in critical care, Karen was in a nearby bed fighting for her life, and I was on my back in another city fucking my boss."

No reason to continue. Any person that could think that and or write that does not get to infect my mind with it!!!

Where's The Rest of The Story?????

In the beginning, Victor(Gary)'s wife & kids had found him & were coming to see him. What happened to that theme? I can't give this chapter any stars because it left the story a cliffhanger.
Also, I REALLY didn't like that you brought the infamous Nazi killer Josef Mengele into the story. That is just WRONG!! Also, when did Vanessa get out of New Horizons? There's no resolution of that situation either.
I know I'm reading this 2 years after it was written, but there are a lot of loose ends that need to be tied down.

Ack!

You have got to be kidding me! I spent all this time reading both writers stories and there's no resolution?! Plus, WTF was this last chapter?
You totally and ridiculously dropped the ball this time.
I'm sorry, carvohi, but this chapter was crap. I knew I should have just stopped at the end of the first three parts by alex_lover.

I concur...Ack

Yea...kinda got left hanging. Was really worried when i saw the length of this chapter. Good, intriguing writing as always, but this one....definitely needs a FTDS.

Very Disappointed

I cannot believe I wasted all of that time reading your chapters supposedly "ending" the original story. The original story had an ending. It was obvious he was going to divorce his cheating wife after exposing her excuses as so much BS. You tried to turn it around for 3 chapters and then just gave up. I guess I have to go back to checking the ending of multi-chapter stories again. Thanks for NOTHING with this one! ONE STAR!

I smell the hand of Barney_R

The sedated/drugged excuse is so hackneyed that's it's as bad the blackmailed trope. Terrible ending. Sorry I wasted the time.

Carvohi is a good writer but his values are really fucked up.

This

Is the end? WTF?

Good

Good but I don't like the drug excuse set up. Why can't people accept that some people are just scum? If you have a Biblical cultural view of the world then you know that we all have free will, we are innately sinful, and without the intervention of God's moral law we are doomed to be turds. So, that being the case those that ignore those laws and choose to be turds, are in fact turds! Yes, when you do a lot of bad things you are a bad person! No amount of rationalizing or apologizing will change that fact! You are the sum total of your life's choices and decisions! In this case, his wife was a huge stinking POS. The drug plot device is w e a k.

We are 3 days from Fall 2015

You told your loyal fans that you would be finishing this mess by the fall. You have 3 days to do that or continue to disappoint.

Just to be accurate - on 6/24/15 the author in a comment to A Case of Infidelity or something close wrote:
" Now last; I will finish Revelation before the Fall, and yes I'm sorry i got into that. I have several shorter stories outlined where there is no reconciliation but with 'happy endings' for my protagonists. The dissembling spouse may or may not be burned. That will be for you to decide based on what happens to her".

Second time through....

I can see why you never finished this one. It felt like you just lost interest and started rambling nonsense.

The emails?

The relationship still went on after they moved , he discovered this after finding the emails, forget the drug excuse

wow

first we have Victor fantasizing about fucking his daughter and his son in the ass, then we are introduced to doctor josef mengele.... Could this story get any more disgusting?

So what happens??

Is it just going to end on this note or will James find the co workers and find out what they gave her to help her ruin her marriage and life and get away with it will Vanessa survive what about Victor(Gary) the story has to have more to it please finish it.
Ron
cowboyridecc@yahoo. com

Finish the damn story!

For the most part you are a decent writer but somewhere along you let this story down. While there could be drugs they didn't cause her to turn into an adulterous bitch... Did you forget about the emails that were discovered? She was and as far as we are aware still is a cheater. There was no coercion involved. She went happily along until her lover moved on. You need to re-read the original story, get the facts straight and write a proper sequel. It might be a good idea to apologize to alex_lover for attempting to butcher his decent story.q

SOONER THAN LATER

a clouded man will appear with a Bill of Lading, TK U MLJ LV NV

Too bad you gave up on this one.

Good

Good so far so any chance you or someone else can finish it?

just dreadful

I have no idea what ever made me think you could write. You obviously can't. Maybe that's why you have so few of those little red H's. Barney R has to be the worst editor in the history of erotica.

ARE YOU ON SOME KIND OF HALLUCINOGEN????

I have never read such drivel in my entire life. What a compete waste of time; I hope that you spent a lot of your time on this, as it might compensate for the few minutes it took to read it. Please stop writing!

Fascinating

There is a lot of potential here to continue. The only complaints I can imagine are people frustrated that you didn't continue the series. Thank you for your writing.

What an idiotic bunch of crap!!! MINUS 5*!!!

And if i need a nuclear explosion i get it!!! And if i need a druged mother i get her!! How insane are you??

SIR! SIR! I HAVE A QUESTION

First When are you going to finish the story! Do you know how annoying it is when you find a good story not (NEVER FINISHED) PLEEEEEEEEEZE FINISH IT? Fuck what the assholes said below! I am asking the Author PLEASE DO IT LOVE YOU ALL! BYE! OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE. GREG.

Complete garbage, offensive and tasteless

This story is garbage. Carvohi has finally attained a new low.

Josef Mengele? The Nazi SS Angel of Death? He performed experiments of unspeakable horror at the Auschwitz Prison Camp on men, women, and children - especially twin children. I can't think of a more horrific monster than this scumbag - and you think it's cute to give one of the shrinks his name? WTF?

What is this garbage anyway? Mom in the psych ward of some insane asylum being sexually assaulted daily by the doctors and nurses, Dad is an alcoholic laying around in a lawn chair on the beach, jerking off in his pants, wondering what it would be like to have sex with his kids. Son thinks the video of his mother is hot, daughter is pissed because she wanted to use their retirement money for a beach condo, but now has to spend it fixing Mom and looking for Dad.

You're stupidly trying to say Mom was drugged into having all the sex - which simply cannot be the case when you look at the original story. You're changing the whole story along with the events described. You added in big dicks, gang bangs, and brought up your anal fixation again. You've trashed this story along with whatever remained of your reputation. You suck ass!

1 star because there's nothing lower - except perhaps the author. Go lick some butt and stop writing. It's like this story was written by a 16 year old skinhead. Total crap.

In the name of all that's holy!

I stopped reading as soon as I read one of the doctor's names. Mengele, really?
There are no words to describe how much I loathe you right now.

this is a finish?

If this were an original story I would probably be upset that there was no finish. But this isn't an original story, it's supposed to be 'a finish' to someone else's original story.

why did the author waste 4 chapters of words to say nothing? With the number of finish the story types around this site, it's hard to believe that carvohi found a way to waste readers' time with all these chapters and no conclusion.

fuck you very much.

You Did More Harm Than Good To The Story

You took a 3-Star story and turned it into a 1-Star still unfinished story. This is God-awful sci-fi garbage. Don't try to finish anyone else's stories. You just don't have the talent.

Stupendously awful

No reflection of original. Gross molestation of mother by the whole staff. Just dumb.

Less than his best.

Not up to his usual standard.
Even in this "last" chapter he introduces new plot twists and then does nothing with it.
It's like he just quit writing and walked away.

Where is FTDS when you need him ?