Revelations Ch. 04

Interesting

I'm not sure I like the idea of the drugs. It seems both Vanessa and Victor (Gary) are quite insane. However Vanessa did what she did of her free will. Victor was totally betrayed and it caused him to go off the deep end. I can't see any redemption nor would I like it to happen. I know how betrayal makes you feel. Please continue...

No way

This whole chapter is either crap or a very bad joke. No matter which, it was just plain bad 2*

...

I stopped a few paragraphs in. Any further and it would've been me clawing at myself.

so many words, so little said

is almost as if you were getting paid by the word and padding the expenses. And this "chapter" moves the story no where.

Not listening

Apparently, this author is not listening to his readers. This story deserves low scores.

More drek

Despoiling a better writer's work.

this is really stupid

I stopped at covered with feces. Apparently Vanessa has a very low IQ and next got a nervous breakdown. Ah ok that's the explanation. I got it, story finished . Finito.

MMMMM? PLEASE CONTINUE?....

......the "Vanessa soul search" is touching, the drugs bring in a new dimension ...but you do know you have to reconcile the acts while she was under the influence and the subsequent emails,because unless I am way off she was not drug to exchange those and it can't be blackmail because she didn't know about the tapes.
......won't rate the story yet.....there may be a lot of padding ...but there is a story in there I feel....a hard one to word but there nonetheless.....as earlier said rating is over rated if you don't have the whole story....'til your next instalment...

its turned to crap

your first 2 chapters were ok but now you have gone completly round the bend...really introducing a character(Dr. Josef Mengele) named after a nutty nazi war criminal dockter who infamously operated on jewish twins ect is really going too far ..I will continue reading just to see how bad it can get..you are certainly trying hard enough

puddy

WTF - Respectable doctors?!?!?

Mengele and clauberg were nazi doctors who exterminated hundreds of thousands in the extermination camps including American soldiers, Mengele was called the Angel of Death because of this, Freeman lobotomized hundreds and many died, he was banned by the US govenment to practice medicine and ishii was the mastermind of the infamous Unit 731. All 4 conducted human experiments and except for freeman who was from a different time frame, were considered as war criminals.I do hope the author will leave this site and stop meddling with a great story!!!

Contrived and irrelevant to the original story.

???????

Is Victor a Psycho?

This whole "love" thing is bullshit. "in love" is another phrase for infatuation. An infatuation is easily ended when your dream mate turns out to be a turd. To Love is a verb. Loving another person is an act. It is a choice. It takes an act of will to chose to love another person. When they turn out to be a turd, it is easy to simply stop loving that person. However, years of generating love for other people forms a habit. It simply means that you need to find other people to love that are not worthless pieces of shit. Victors reaction towards his children still has not been explained. Why would he leave them? Why not stay, divorce and destroy the bitch right there and spend time with his kids? If the kids then chose their mother over him, well, then leave. No, for a 60 year old man he should be much tougher and wiser than he is behaving in this story. He also wasn't too bright not to have figured out something wasn't right years ago when his wife was a drugged up whore. In reality, that would have come out then.

This story started out interesting but then has taken this meandering diversion through truly weird events. Here are some of the lowlights:

"Sure we both saw the sex, damn I got a hard on just looking at it, I had no idea mom was so hot."

"He wondered if Karen (his daughter) were here would she let him fuck her? What about James(his son)? He had a great ass."

I have no idea where you are going with this. Have you intentionally turned it into a farce? Jacking her off every day? Victor getting wood over his wife doing gang bangs? You don't need chemicals to get hard at 60 or even 70. You might need them but if he could get wood before he can do it now. And what you don't know about mature women is - damn - everything. You are like a doe in the headlights frozen and then running around hitting every surface looking for a way out.
Hope you do better next time.

i have not a clue

where in the heck this is going... I will try the next chapter... if the same as this one... well another one tossed in to the corner

Well

You totally fucked this up. I liked the original, why he ley you do this to his story I'll never know..

My God......

Boy, did you ever screw the pooch on this chapter. I gave it a 1 only because 0 wasn't an option. Your first chapter was good and then you must have had a stroke. I hate to be critical but this last chapter seems like it was written by someone else. Where does one start at to describe the issues with this story? The medical team is comprised of doctors who would not have a clue on how to treat a mental illness. Then there's the injection of implied incestuos thoughts from father to daughter. You killed the character (Victor) with that introduction.

This has become a farce.

Look at the names of the guys in the gangbang. Did we have a gangbang in the original? Look at the amazing doctors and their ridiculous names. Like a mental patient is reason for half a dozen specialists to gather. A mental and uterine specialist? WTF? The guy is thinking about his daughter's and son's asses? This is more like a Lewis Carroll dream sequence or something. It was repulsive and very strange. I fear the author has some serious issues and should seek help.

Please change

Please drop the Mengele name and say he left and another doctor replaced him. There is nothing, nothing human or postive about the monster who tortured and murdered thousands. If you do not know the history, read it. If you do, you know you made a mistake to use that name.

Dude what the fuck is wrong with you? I can't believe you actually used Dr. Death Mengele's name in a story. He is only responsible for the murder of millions, but I guess that is not a big deal if your mind is as warped as it seems to be. I think you have seriously lost the plot!

THE AUTHORS STATEMENT SAYS IT ALL....THE REST IS JUST SCRIBBLING AND PUTTING WORDS ON PAPER

You may or may not like what I'm writing or where you think it's going, but believe me, I'm having a hell of a good time, I think the commenters, especially me have the same feeling. TK U MLJ LV NV

Wot Crap!

I gave you a one, only because I couldn't give you a zero.

You just don't get it

You are writing a different story about different people and doing a bad job of it. Too many inconsistencies. Pretty petals was a sort of pet name with her husband and you are trying to bury that connection. You make a big deal about the thousands of jobs, research projects, and families that would be in jeopardy if she didn't do it but CEOs come and go every day and the companies keep going on. Otherwise capitalism would have died a long time ago. If she fell for that bull crap she is too stupid to live and that is not the way the character was originally written. You can't try to characterize her as having a warm and caring heart and then have her betray the man she loves more than anything in the world and continue to do so after she had moved and gotten out of the situation. You are all over the map with the characters and motivations. This is a mess and it is long past time to pull the plug.

My 2 Cents

As other commentators have written though well written this chapter stinks. Your insensitivity in the selection of doctor names does not bode well for your thought processes. Were you trying to deflect criticism from your plot line? Her treatment of sex - bondage - submission is pathetic. The excuse of her being lightly sedated to drop her inhibitions does not fly as she voluntarily took them and was conscious enough to know what she was doing at the time and why. Further there is nothing to explain the years of e-mails. If Victor was merely angry at her he could have divorced her. Not only did he take from her all that they shared but he left all that they had including the kids. That said the only possible positives in this chapter is your description and admission of guilt by Vanessa. You still have a chance to salvage your story while keeping it true to the original.

Good

Like the direction you are taking with the extreme manipulation from the old bastard. But, her original motive to start down that path was weak given your opening lines of devotion to Victor... That doesnt match up.

Do at least wikipedia research before writing

If you'd spent 2 minutes ... Albert DeSalvo was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. He escaped and was transferred to a tougher prison. He was stabbed to death in prison. He was not sent to a mental hospital.

He confessed to the stranglings and eventually recanted. He was convicted of rapes not involving murder and when charged with that he confessed to the stranglings. Nothing you said was correct.

Interesting Piece

It reads like a report of a surrealistic nightmare. Everyone seems slightly off their rocker. Should this be considered humour? I kind of wish you would get on with the story....

drugs

ruining a goodd story by making the wife now drugged and peer pressure from her friends, did you just graduate high school? Because all your stories are just teen soap opera shows but has less sex in it. Nice job ruining someone else's work.

EACH STORY IS WORSE and further away from the premise

so it was not a date rape drug.?..

instead the whore cunt wife was sedated ?? EVERY time or over 2 years?
wow this is awful

we know she was a happy whore for at least two years. if it was only drugs then why the fuck did everyone supposedly tell her to fuck harry because he needed it? why was she outside getting finger fucked by harry before the wife was even dead?
sending copies of this to the original author only means you are sending copies to the original author, not that the recipient approved of your story.

best mental clinic?????

if that is the best mental clinic they can afford. they should read nervous breakdown for idiots. Their mother is getting finger fucked by the nurses and the doctors don't seem to make sense. wanna see how this ends just out of curiousity.

Lmao

How you continue to make up stuff that never or couldn't occur from the original. They seem to have a bottomless well of funds to draw on. And your insistence that she was drugged when even her character knows its not true makes this story laughable. It truly shows what the original author thought about his copyright, nada.

once again the pyscobabble angle

she was drugged and lead a stray. First, if a group of people came to any woman telling her that they would loose their job if they didn't fuck their boss. I would think set up and move on. But then I have common sense and wasn't looking for a reason to justify cheating. Same old song.

Wow! Dr. Josef Mengele AND Dr. Holmes-Mudgett?

Got the references to those two bastard real life medics...

How much more of this convoluted fairy tale can be written with any degree of plausibility?

Put a fork in it - its done. She knew all along what she was doing. She deserves all the consequences. On the positive side, the portrayal of the wimp husband has been consistent. Author - is that faggot MM co-writing this stuff?

Author you need a mental clinic for this mumbo jumbo story

What a mess you was made of this story, sorry but you lost me. You can do better than this story that has turned into bunch impossible mumble jumbo .lost it..

utter rubbish

Carvohi this story is bouncing all over the place its like you can't remember what you have written in past chapters never mind what happened in the original story.

I think you're the ONLY one having fun with the story...

That...was....terrible. Sorry, but that was such a disappointing read that I found myself skimming it...and then ultimately stopping completely. You mentioned that you're having fun with the story and where it's going, but I have to say that you're probably the only one. Wow...now Victor wants to nail his daughter and son (who has a nice ass)?

I have to think that you are making this an absolutely crappy (pun intended) story, just to try and get an angry response out of people on here. There can't be any way at all that you can read what you just wrote, and say: "Yeah...this is good!".

I think everyone is correct in stating that you aren't staying faithful to the original story. I also think while the reader doesn't know where this story is going - you also have no clue where the story is going. As for the original Author letting you post your story; Hell, you're making him look Great! I'd let you keep going with this crap too, because then the ones who read the original and thought it was "ok", will read this and look back thinking the original was much better.

Sorry Carvohi, but this is BAD...REALLY BAD.

Solution Obvious

Suicide.

Well now .

Interesting comments . Here is mine . I believe what the author is doing is showing what can happen to a family in the time of a crisis . The cheater has already had a break down and I believe the the husband is having one also . Just in a different way . Thus the weird way he is thinking and the out of character things he is doing which he never would have before . I think I will follow this to the end . Good or bad . Thanks

Tra la la

Why do you get when you have one "btb"er and two cucks?
A: three cucks!

Tickled testes, his fartibutt, betrayed!

STARTED OFF

This story started off as shit, then it turned into total fucking bull shit. You wanted fun with this story, copy the story off then stick it up your fucking ass. Take a broom handle and use it as a ramrod to shove it all the way up your ass. Give us a break and burn your computer.

This Chapter was Very Bad

For starters, even tho I am not Jewish, I am very offended by your use of "Dr." Josef Mengele. He was a criminal, a killer, and a cruel beast who shouldn't even be called human.
Secondly, the scene and atmosphere described at the mental hospital is very unrealistic. If there is a mental hospital like this one, it should be shut down immediately, if not sooner and it's staff, including the so-called doctors, jailed for life. Your treatment of Vanessa is horrible or worse. No hospital--mental or otherwise would treat patients that way.
This whole chapter stinks of s a writers fantasies and completely destroys the storyline.

Hope this gets better

I liked some of your other writing, but have Victor grow some balls and get over this shit and move on. "It hurts" well suck it up pussy and move on. I hope they do not get back together that wuld just blow chunks.

What Could You Possibly Be Thinkng

Using Dr. Josef Mengele as a character in a story. He experimented on holocaust prisoners, without anasthesia. He was beyond a monster. You are a fool!

All Vanessa really wanted was her bosses cock fucking her and his cum dripping out of her three holes, that's all she ever really cared about. If she loved her husband like she says she does she would have never ever fucked around on him . It black and white --no gray areas

Geeze,

you can't even keep the characters in character the way you've previously characterized them.... I think you're the one on drugs.

come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next next next next next.

Why?

Shiro Ishii - head of Unit 731, Japanese Imperial Army's biological warfare unit
Carl Clauberg - German doctor who 'experimented' on women in Auschwitz.
Herman Webster Mudgett, AKA Dr. Henry Holmes - Chicago area mass murderer specializing in women.
Walter Freeman - developer of the "icepick lobotomy" he performed over 3400 lobotomies despite having no formal surgical training.
Josef Mengele - also 'experimented' on death camp inmates, generally children.
.
Why would you bring these names into your story? How does invoking these memories advance your plot? I'm disappointed.

New Names !

I am not sure what the relevance is with the 4 male names that fucked Vanessa ! ?
As already mention in comments they ate some very sick characters in real life !
Also I am not sure about the significance of the rehab / mental clinic and sexual nature of the treatment. I am surprised and a little bemused really. Is this chapter I think the plot line, characters, sequel of events msy habe detracted from alex_lovers original stories.

However still a very good read.

More please