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English
Very Good
Write a few more chapters. The story is very good and exciting.
more
You need a build up more and then some more afterwards, maybe even adding Spencer's friend Chelsea a little. Little brother could end up burned out and a withered husk with a permanent smile lol.
Hot and fast...
I'm surprised just how much I enjoyed this short story. I would like to know on what planet a B cup is "slightly" smaller than a double D cup is, though.
Loved it.
keep it going.
Hmm Kay then
Alright well, nice bough build up seriously, plenty of ways you could've taken it with that build up, technically decent writing though frankly your writing doesn't come off all that well and is somewhat clipped that being the story itself is somewhat rushed, didn't really go anywhere and the characters themselves were lackluster, starting strong with a tonne of potential and then it simply went to sex out of no where and all character building simply fell away, there's no story structure at least nothing good, the characters are barely one dimensional and frankly the whole thing is rather disappointing.
Try better next time, you have the potential, focus on the characters make it actually believable beyond they're all massive mentally deranged sluts and work on the story.
Super Sluts
Why were there no women like that when I was young
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