You claim in your bio that you have an editor, I'd really love to know what they're editing, because it sure isn't what you've been submitting and stop with the minimum word count chapters.
This chapter seems more rushed than the last two. I felt I was reading a different story, the flow was just not there. You messed up on her name from VANESSA to KELLY in this chapter.
The whole story happened too fast. Maybe you could've included more on Ethan and Vanessa. I know very little about them. Their background or what happened after they met?
They did nothing but insult you and that isn't going to help you grow as a writer. First, this chapter was very short. Short chapters don't help develop your characters. With that being said, the character development is lacking. I have no idea what kind of people Vanessa and Ethan are. I don't know how they interact with people other than one another, if you get that. Another tip is to try and take your time. Be more descriptive about actions and how the characters are feeling because it's all moving soooo fast.
I think you have a pretty good story line, it's just not quite falling right. If you need anyone to talk to about your writing, I'm here!
I cannot believe that Anonymous had the balls to leave a very rude comment and hide their identity...You asked the writer how old are they, when you should ask yourself if you adult enough make a comment, that said.
Catalina, you have a wonderful story here but there are some element missing.
1. who did Ethan call, 2. how was he caught, 3. what happened to the mother, those are the type of question that were not answered.
well meaning constructive criticism is good but hurtful, mean and spiteful comment means that person has no joy in their life. Continue to write and share your gift with us who understand your gift.
just gotta slow it down. Just throwing out some tips here: Fleshing out your characters, throwing a bit more story in between can lengthen your chapters and not make them seem so rushed, and possibly gives you more chapters. I thought we were going to get an action scene between Ethan and Vanessa's father! Come on, you can do it! From the first chapter, I could see your story's focus developing, so keep up the work and you'll get better with time!
by
Anonymous06/09/13
Ummmm!!!
That was a good story just that it really went too fast and there was no insight to where Vanessa came from or where Ethan came from... It just needs some more dets and don't rush all the parts...
I would love to read that Ethan and Vanessa got the chance to love and marry freely. I would read about the trial and see her testify about his stalking his own daughter. Slow it down some and add some length to the chapters. Details make a story better!
I have to agree with a lot of what has been posted about this story already, yes it is rushed, yes it is lacking some things, however that being said I can see this being a good story, I say pull it off of lite rewrite it, adding in all those things that are missing, add the things you might have thought about putting in but didn't. Just don't give up on your writing please :)
English
You claim in your bio that you have an editor, I'd really love to know what they're editing, because it sure isn't what you've been submitting and stop with the minimum word count chapters.
How old are you? Its juvenile writing at best.
Nice short story.
Keep writing!
Really rushed.
This chapter seems more rushed than the last two. I felt I was reading a different story, the flow was just not there. You messed up on her name from VANESSA to KELLY in this chapter.
The whole story happened too fast. Maybe you could've included more on Ethan and Vanessa. I know very little about them. Their background or what happened after they met?
Anon was rude.
They did nothing but insult you and that isn't going to help you grow as a writer. First, this chapter was very short. Short chapters don't help develop your characters. With that being said, the character development is lacking. I have no idea what kind of people Vanessa and Ethan are. I don't know how they interact with people other than one another, if you get that. Another tip is to try and take your time. Be more descriptive about actions and how the characters are feeling because it's all moving soooo fast.
I think you have a pretty good story line, it's just not quite falling right. If you need anyone to talk to about your writing, I'm here!
Wonderful
I cannot believe that Anonymous had the balls to leave a very rude comment and hide their identity...You asked the writer how old are they, when you should ask yourself if you adult enough make a comment, that said.
Catalina, you have a wonderful story here but there are some element missing.
1. who did Ethan call, 2. how was he caught, 3. what happened to the mother, those are the type of question that were not answered.
well meaning constructive criticism is good but hurtful, mean and spiteful comment means that person has no joy in their life. Continue to write and share your gift with us who understand your gift.
We beleive in you:)
As CoCoNiy101 stated we will be here to help become the writer that I peeking through your story..DO NOT GIVE UP!
you've definitely got a good story here...
just gotta slow it down. Just throwing out some tips here: Fleshing out your characters, throwing a bit more story in between can lengthen your chapters and not make them seem so rushed, and possibly gives you more chapters. I thought we were going to get an action scene between Ethan and Vanessa's father! Come on, you can do it! From the first chapter, I could see your story's focus developing, so keep up the work and you'll get better with time!
Ummmm!!!
That was a good story just that it really went too fast and there was no insight to where Vanessa came from or where Ethan came from... It just needs some more dets and don't rush all the parts...
Overall that shit was hot.....
More please!
I would love to read that Ethan and Vanessa got the chance to love and marry freely. I would read about the trial and see her testify about his stalking his own daughter. Slow it down some and add some length to the chapters. Details make a story better!
I have to agree
I have to agree with a lot of what has been posted about this story already, yes it is rushed, yes it is lacking some things, however that being said I can see this being a good story, I say pull it off of lite rewrite it, adding in all those things that are missing, add the things you might have thought about putting in but didn't. Just don't give up on your writing please :)
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