All Comments on 'The Photographer - Brenda'

stupid stories and this one is right up there.

a photographer in town died last night when his studio went up in flames. His studio was a total loss. Unfortunately we are still trying to identify the body of the naked lady found with him. The police are waiting on dental records. Oh and it seems as if the building burned down due to a spark in his black room. The couple were over come with smoke and couldn't make it out of the burning building. The autopsy of the photographer stated that he was naked also. That may be why they didn't realize the building was burning down around them. News at 11

Such stories are only intended to make the reader angry. You could at least have finished the story, with the groom discovering the pictures on the camera and telling the worthless slut to go to hell.

You have what it takes, ignore the cowardly anonymous comments, believe in yourself, and please keep writing.

Solid first effort.

Ignore the haters, who should've ether been reading Highlights or remember its an erotic story site.

In fact one pretended hating it, then wrote an alternate ending, which id call high praise.

Hope to see more from you, and keep looking for the out of the box perspective.

That was Hot!!

Thank yo for writing.

Thank you, Jack. I hope you write more.

tom anon

P.S. Welcome to the LW world were negative assholes hang out waiting to jump on writers. Say they hate it, but are the first ones on and commenting. Ignore the worthless perverts.

A decent first effort. Sure he tricked her but if what he said was true he also helped the couple. An editor may have changed "ambitions" to "inhibitions" as I believe that was your intent

interesting story. would read better if you checked grammer and spelling.

'next down next to her' is off and 'padded her knee' should have been 'patted her knee'

excitement while going through your story tends to make you overlook some obvious mistakes but good overall effort

Yay another dickhead who likes the bad guys to win! Go suck off Voldemort asshole!

who needs enemies? what a way to start a new life together! he should be in jail.

if this is your chosen theme for future stories I will avoid them. no thanks.

who needs enemas? :)

But stories like this should include consequences, e.g., the groom finds out and kicks butts, or the wife falls immediately pregnant, after the baby is born the husband finds the pics on the internet, gets a paternity test done, and throws the slut out. Keep trying, but please include some consequences in at least some future stories. 3 stars, because it was only half done.

I enjoyed the story. Nasty trick to play on a best friend's fiancé, but she seemed to enjoy it. Grammar and spelling caused me pause a few times. His camera fell to the ground? Were they outdoors, or indoors in a poorer part of Mexico? For quotes remember, new speaker, new paragraph. Most of us revise a story 3 times or more before we present it to the readers. Whenever a writer causes a reader to pause, it kicks the reader out of the story trance. While he's out of the trance you can lose him to the TV or another story. Keep writing!

Brent is a Grade A #1 Asshole Douchebag. I gave this one 4 Stars for the writing ability as a damn good first effort. But Brent needs to get some comeuppance. New Wifey should also have some shit come down on her, but not near as bad as "Best Friend" Brent.

I hope you take the time to clean up the plot in this story before someone esle writes CH 2. Thanks for sharing. Good first submission.

Firstly, yes, it needed an extensive edit: grammar, spelling, homonyms (ie. 'site' for 'sight'). Secondly, you need to properly develop the players before throwing them into the mix (this previous fling of Nate's was dealt with almost as we should know the backstory, and who the hell was Mike?). Finally, Brent did indeed trick his friend's fiance into a pre-wedding assignation, but it didn't seem to take much persuasion for her guard (and knickers) to drop. Some reference to contraception would have made sense, but I shan't press the point.

If an author mentions two nouns, then uses a pronoun, that pronoun generally refers to the last-named noun, unless gender makes it obvious or if one noun is clearly the subject and the other is incidental. There is a sentence, abbreviated to "Brent liked Nate's fiancée, HE had proposed to her!" It sounds like Photog proposed to Sweetie BEFORE Hubby2B. Which implies that Photog also had a serious history with Sweetie! Perfectly reasonable, given the LW category and the three people's acquaintanceship in college! The 'love triangle' comment maintains that ambiguity, but who the third party was is NOT explicit! If it WAS Photog, then another paragraph (or more) was in order! If NOT then why mention it? BTW - a few paragraphs later, Sweetie mentions that neither she nor Hubby2B had much experience with other people. Huh?

A little later, also abbrev. "Photog's hand dropped the camera, which he used to caress her back." Rubbed her back with a camera? Oh, rubbed her back with a HAND! Much better (but the reader is distracted again, and maybe giggling - at an ungiggle point of the story!)

Asshole Photog did leave a grip-mark on her thigh and probably a hickey on her tit. Assuming he ALSO 'embellished' his reporting of Hubby's claimed 'wild oats' comment, the honeymoon may be VERY brief and the marriage only slightly longer! Hubby would, perhaps, have been better off paying a reputable photographer. Of course, her bruises may also give Hubby some insight about Sweetie's character and belief system...maybe they'll opt for an open marriage, maybe he'll opt for an annulment!

3* too many unnecessary details (new camera, work cubicle, small digital viewing window, etc.). Plus, there is an early promise that this changed Brent's life...don't see it!

Her husband-to-be took one look at her walking down the aisle and recognized her "just fucked" look. When she got next to him, he could smell the sex on her. He announced that he wasn't going to marry a slut and the wedding was off. SO how did her little escapade work out for her? Not so well.

Ok. Awful actually.

Fucked her for a week, than left her without a ticket or passport, came home and annulled the marriage.

cuck shit.

But Brent is an asshole and needs to be castrated; or, at the very least, have his balls smashed. And Brenda isn't ready for marriage. If she is still suspicious of Nate three years after the incident with Christine. That happened before they were exclusive or engaged. I don't see much hope for Brenda and Nate. Also, good photographers get more sex than the normal Joe.

Wow, I didn't know there were so many rules to break, judging the majority of the comments:

Bad Guys Can't Win

Sluts must be punished

The adjective follows the immediately preceding noun

Geez!!

I thought the quality of the story was superior. I loved the manipulation and, quite frankly, so what if she got laid. In the grand scheme of things, unless she's pregnant by the photographer, it would be long forgotten--or remembered--and is just a blip on the radar.

To me, the moralists are the type who have gotten many breaks in their lives but would deny any sort of Mulligan to anyone else, especially a woman. I'm a little more forgiving. In the end, the trust wasn't there at the time of the wedding, seemingly with good reasons on each side, but could/would be built over time, the only way trust is built.

I usually like retribution and a confrontation. But, absent those desires, a fast-paced, sexy story is a great alternative. FOUR stars!!

Smiling this crap goes on a lot in and around wedding times. Never have found out what my now wife did the night before our wedding. Everyone I know connected to her side of the wedding party have been silent for years,, 5

Until they don't.... and that is the story theme I really like.

Both the whore bride and the photographer deserve to be burned, beaten, and thrown away.

5* - can’t believe the number of hate comments. I thought this was a really great piece! Perfect length and amount of character building. Climax was written really well

BRENT WAS A BASTARD WHO SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN BURNED!

CUCK WRITER

A perfect way to teach some bitches who just doesn't have faith on their fiance. They're not only stupid but very easy to get laid with.

FTDS.