Reasonably well written with no errors. However, it was rather disappointing how fast they fell into bed together. Little thought on how their relationship would be, and not much of a seduction.
by
Anonymous06/08/13
Fast start but Bad Scene setting
Look at a map before you write a story (Big Sur is over 300 miles north of LA; gets a lot of fog in the summer mornings [Colleen couldn't be out enjoying the sunshine...] and the water is pretty frigid.........). Story got to the sex a little quick but was interesting - continue!
by
Anonymous06/08/13
Come on
It is funny how everybody is so beautiful in these stories and that they are just 'hos" who have sex with anybody no matter who when they get into the details. How can a 19 year old be a expert unless she has been really promiscuous for along time.
English
Good start hope you continue thecstory
Good
I thoroughly enjoyed this...please continue this...it is very good.
Okay start.
Reasonably well written with no errors. However, it was rather disappointing how fast they fell into bed together. Little thought on how their relationship would be, and not much of a seduction.
Fast start but Bad Scene setting
Look at a map before you write a story (Big Sur is over 300 miles north of LA; gets a lot of fog in the summer mornings [Colleen couldn't be out enjoying the sunshine...] and the water is pretty frigid.........). Story got to the sex a little quick but was interesting - continue!
Come on
It is funny how everybody is so beautiful in these stories and that they are just 'hos" who have sex with anybody no matter who when they get into the details. How can a 19 year old be a expert unless she has been really promiscuous for along time.
Five Stars!
What else? Cheers!
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