All Comments on 'The Donor'

Lovely story about a loving couple and a broken girl. Something about this story moved my soul. Good job!

What a wonderful but so different story. The patience of your heroes in their loving of Trudi was momentous.

You need to keep the characters straight. There are only six after all - Trudi, Kate,her father, Kim, Tom and Cathy (who is absent from the stage) - yet several times you substituted Cathy for Kim. Kim was in the bathroom but Cathy got into the shower,for example. I see this way too often on this site and it's really annoying. If I had to guess at the cause, I'd say that you let your spell checker and grammar checker do your proofreading for you.

I'm not sure I have who is who straight, or maybe you don't. Once I gave up trying to keep the action straight, I was fine. Perhaps it is just me.

Lovely story. Details wrapped up in the end.

Three-way conversations can be tricky to do well without becoming clumsy with words. Just remember to make it easier for the reader to follow who-says-what-when. You may start with "said Kim." And stuff like that. On re-write - pare the words down to an easy flow with clear character recognition.

I want to know more about Trudi's life as she moved on into her future. But that just means that you got me to care about her, not that you need to write a sequel!