You did well setting the characters and the situation up. I also like the conflict. If I were to suggest an improvement it would be to find an editor. He/she may be able to help with bringing your characters a bit more to life. Don't get me wrong, they are good, but I just didn't really catch on to their inner workings. Hope this helps and keep it up. :)
"Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand
Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand"
This is just a fucked up MCGSB that needs to be put down for good! Ethan needs to be shorter by 15", cut the root out!
English
Nice Job
You did well setting the characters and the situation up. I also like the conflict. If I were to suggest an improvement it would be to find an editor. He/she may be able to help with bringing your characters a bit more to life. Don't get me wrong, they are good, but I just didn't really catch on to their inner workings. Hope this helps and keep it up. :)
To quote the great Jimi Hendrix
"Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand
Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand"
This is just a fucked up MCGSB that needs to be put down for good! Ethan needs to be shorter by 15", cut the root out!
A RICH CUCK WITH A SLUT
what goes thru ones head to allow that to happen. TK U MLJ LV NV
Garbage
1*
Loved it
5*
A RICH WIMPY CUCK
and a spermer to boot. TK U MLJ LV NV
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