Your piece was enjoyable, but a little hard to beilieve. Yes, I know it's fiction but I can only suspend my disbilief so far. Hypnotyzm only works when people want it to. THe ease at which your character puts the subjects under his control is so nonrealistic that it actually broke the stories pacing. In order to counter this, you should go into far greater detail of how you hypnotyz them, perhaps even over several sessions before getting into anything erotic. Keep the reader interested with your descriptions. If you don't want to spend the time writing four times as much, than all you need is a supernatural element. A hightech subliminal mind control ray in the lights, a magic talisman around your neck, a mind numbing gas that you alone are inoculated against... Add something so that the reader can accept your Professor X like mind powers and the story will no longer feel so reachy. Again, this was a very pleasant story and the only thing keeping it from a five was the seemingle supernatural power without the supernatual explination (or hint of an explination).
I loved the story, a nice respite from the world..into another realm was more then appreciated...I only wish it went longer ...:)
Loved it. I didn't want it to end.
Nicely paced action with story and quick character development. I'm going to have to check out your other stuff.
I enjoyed your story and really liked how the hypnotist originally puts them under and everything seems normal, then schedules them all to return later when everything is quiet, so he can have as you put "A Halloween he wouldn't forget. Very sweetly done. Joe
I really liked where this story was going however I did think that the story felt rushed. Also I would like to see a D/s relationship fprm between Ashley and Lawrence. Keep up the good work.
It was very good, for the most part, but why did you cut the D/s relationship at the end so short? The hypnotist didn't even take advantage of the fact that she really and truly wanted to be dominated.
I hope you make it a series!
Read up on HYPNOSIS, You can't make someone do what they would not normally do on there own. It was just a good read .......................LAROC
Might we get new chapter.
This story could really have gone at least a couple chapters... started out with a great premise and really promising, but it felt like you got bored and rushed to end it right as all the party guests were arriving.
This was a great story
It was a bit rushed but still very nicely done. Wish I could go under, but still wishing it happens. The dom/sub factor is interesting. Hmmm looking forward to more.
I really love your story it was erotica and very sexual. What did you do to Ashley and the other people. Tell me please.
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